Did Something Stupid

[ladee]

I don't know if this is even the right thread to put this... I am going back and forth, beating myself up and then self talking, 'you were only trying to help'.... gaaaah!! Knowing, knowing, knowing, the suggestions on this site. Have read this, I knew it in my head, but I gave someone my personal information without really 'knowing' them. That person has since been banned. I have been so depressed here lately. Making myself get dressed, blah blah blah, ya'll know the routine.... so my thinking was.... ah, get out of yourself for a little while... win-win right??? NOPE.... how can such a simple thing as reaching out turn into a such a cluster f**k....
The rules and suggestions are here for a reason!!!!! I get soooo tired of learning things the hard way. I am really hoping this does not turn into a situation that I have put myself in harms way.. only time will tell..
I am still very new here, still learning. Just needed to get this out, so as not to do the repetitive self talk of 'you are SO stupid'..... the suggestions are in place for good and healthy reasons.... Ok, now I am going to talk myself out of the 'You are so stupid' corner.... follow the suggestions folks.... so simple !!!

 

[Stickler]

:hug: You meant well.

I doubt it will get you in any trouble.

 

[ladee]

Thanks @Stickler, lesson learned !!!

 

[scout86]

There's personal information and then there's REALLY personal information.

Try to seriously, accurately assess what harm could come from the disclosure of what ever you disclosed (before you panic).

Just because someone got banned doesn't mean they're evil or dangerous. Just that they crossed some kind of a line here. Someone I was friendly with when I first joined got banned. He crossed some lines (having a meltdown). As far as I know he hasn't come back, and I'm kind of sorry about that. But, I don't think he was a bad person or "dangerous" he just made some mistakes. The person you're talking about? (and I'm not 100% sure who it is) Who knows why they did what ever they did? If they were around here long enough for you to trust them enough to share information with them, then they must have done SOMETHING right.

There's an inherent risk moving through life. In the end, none of us get out of here alive. (Leaving possibilities of The Rapture out of it.) There's a lot you'll miss out on if you never ever take a chance. Your heart was in the right place. How much of a risk you took depends on what you shared. A email address? Probably not a problem. (All of my clients have my email address. Most of them are nice people. Not ALL of them.) Your bank account #? That's a whole different deal. Your physical address? You know, there might be scenarios where that would be a risk, but I think they're rare. Someone has to be pretty motivated to track you down and do you harm. Most of the time that's someone you actually know and have a history with, not a random person you met online.

Don't beat yourself up over this one!

 

[ladee]

Ha, no @scout86, nothing but email... the joke would be on them if gave them banking info !!! And yes I get it that the person just went over the line... maybe I didn't make myself clear. I am more upset about doing something that I knew didn't feel right, besides being warned of fall out of sharing personal stuff. Like I said , 'lesson learned'.

 

[scout86]

something that I knew didn't feel right,

That's the important point then? Makes total sense! (There are several people here who I've shared my email address with and it's been fine, good even. But it always "felt" like the right thing to do.)

 

[Ed Norton]

Also, just because they got banned here doesn't make them horrible..just maybe not a good fit or the rules were not for them...They can still be great people.

 

[ladee]

@Ed Norton... never meant to imply the person was dangerous. How would I know that anyway. The point to the post was, follow suggestions set up admin, and follow your gut.

 

[illusionist]

I dread to think of how many people have my email....sent out without even considering any possibilities.....job applications, shopping, enquiries, dating site....the list goes on. I'm glad to say that I've never had any negative consequences.

99% of people who have my email, I don't know. It is the personal contents within the email ie bank details which can lead to harm.

 

[Kintsugi]

Welcome to moderating your own exposure within an online mental health community.

I've been a member for almost five years. I've exchanged email addresses with one person and given very personal details (address, real name) with two--one being Anthony, which doesn't really count in my mind as just a member, and the other probably being the banned member @scout86 is referencing. No harm has come from this, but perhaps it says something that I have been only compelled to share with three people in nearly five years and 3,000 posts on from joining in 2011.

This is the Internet. This is a mental health forum. Sometimes people come here who have far more going on than PTSD. Sometimes people come on here to troll us. Sometimes people come here and decide it's their God-given duty to change the way this forum has been successfully operated for over ten years.

I don't think you have a whole lot to worry about, and it's a plus that you feel you've learned something from the experience.

 

[EveHarrington]

You tried to reach out and be friends with someone you met. In general, this is a good thing!

I've been making friends online for quite a few years now. There are a number of things you can do to keep yourself safe.

Set up a new email address for those you meet online. Do not use your last name when setting up the account. (i.e. I would set up the account as Eve H or even just E. H. You could also make up a fake name completely but this probably isn't needed if your first name is common. But of course this is just an example as my actual name isn't Eve Harrington) Do not ever give someone online the email address you use for personal (real life friends and family) and professional correspondence.

The same goes if you use a chat app. Set up the app not using your real name. Don't use whatsapp because your whatsapp number is your real phone number. (It's sad I even mention this, but I do as I meet a lot of people online who want to chat but they use whatsapp. Why do they think I'd give my phone number to a stranger I've never even met?)

Shy away from social media platforms. (Unless of course you have anonymous accounts. Even though it's against Facebook rules, I know a lot of people who have second accounts just for online interactions.) Social media reveals a lot of personal info even if you don't actually state things on your profile directly.

Don't reveal where you live. Don't give out your address or phone number. I personally shy away from letting people see my picture other than a simple profile pic. Over time if you build trust with someone, you can start to share these things.

Have I broken these rules in the past? Yes! But, you live and you learn. Going forward you learn to not make the same mistakes.

Always trust your gut! If you take the steps to ensure your safety but a not so great person gets your email? You can block them and be comforted by the fact that they have no personal information about you.

I hope this doesn't keep you from making friends online. You can really meet some great people. It's all about staying safe!

 

[ladee]

Thanks everyone. I have one email friend here, but have known this person since I came here. Different situation entirely.. And in the end, I realize I was not just reaching out, but also trying to 'fix' my feelings at the time. Been very depressed here lately... but at the same time, I have gotten to know quite a few of you!!! I could have done the same thing with any of you, and never thought another thing about it. But from the beginning something didn't 'feel' right. I just get so tired some days, that listening to my gut just gets thrown out the window... get so weary from being vigilant....but it's over with. I learned a lot from this... it was more than sending someone my email.. Lots of good info has come to the surface .. so all in all, it was a good thing for me. And I appreciate the feedback, that , hey, it's OK to be human.... that's why I love the forums......I get validated... and reassured... two things I value and cherish... so thanks again :hug: