Relationship Do yall still keep in touch?

[Finchlet2]

I have been with my hubby for three years, as the only boyfriend I've had I don't have a point of reference with lots of basic shit so try to learn on the fly. There have been so many core changes in him as a person that seem to be triggered mostly by me expressing any emotion, the formation of my sentences( I have an emotive stammer and panic tic) and just me full stop. I have never seen this warm, engaging man behave this way towards anyone else and he himself admits he's just had enough of.. Basically me. I have conquered almost all my symptoms that were getting between us when we met seemingly only to find me isn't good enough. I left a couple of months back but ended up literally on the streets for the coldest part of this winter as no friends independent of the relationship after bullying mob stole my coursework and being surrounded by abusive alcoholics returned home to my husband. He laid down further rules but despite giving up my coursework to focus solely on being the best wife I can be and truly spending every ounce of energy and time pampering him still I trigger his anger if I pass up on penetrive sex but he like wants it every day and reminds me of how much better of he was without me. I am getting so many mixed signals, I can't go back on the streets been there done that too many times and bone damage along with being known by all the wrong crew makes too dangerous at this point in life if he truly wants me to leave I will but he's not engaging in any practical planning or allowing me to do so then he still says he loves me and is happy I came home. Things since I have been back are so amazing at times almost like the early days until something triggers something in him and he just loses his shit. Its always pretty shit that I really can't micromanage for him anymore than I do already. Could I have given him second hand trauma from living in the same flat as someone with Ptsd?

 

[Finchlet2]

Petty not pretty lol

 

[Sweetpea76]

Caregiver burnout is more likely.

 

[Finchlet2]

What could help him if it is that?

 

[EveHarrington]

Can I answer?

I have ptsd.

We broke up because he couldn’t handle my symptoms.

We tried to be friends but it ultimately did not work.

The relationship problems were also friendship problems.

I realize it’s best to make a clean break and move forward. He was part of my past. I do not see a reason to stay friends with an ex as it’s more than likely that one party is hoping for something more than friendship while the other party just wants to be friends. (Read: prolonged heartache.) Its been this way with a number of my ex’s. This was the first time I agreed to the friendship thing. I always said no in the past. Months of pain that I did not need. I will never do it again. There was a reason why everyone (without fail) said “that never works!” when I told them we were trying to be friends. You live and learn.

 

[Finchlet2]

You are strong, heartache is one of the most intense emotions. Things are getting gradually more solid between us at the mo but would still like to learn how not to trigger the Hyde with my emotions and vocal articulations, he himself even jokes about his jekyll and Hyde like personality which has been present since his young teens but I've defo made worse. At the moment I've come up with the theory of showering jekyll with the right sort of attention /support/ massage and allowing a lot more sexual tings even if I'm not 100% comfortable cos I do completely love him and in practice this technique so far has prevented Hyde being triggered as often or for as long I think as long as I fully satisfy jekyll emotionally physically and Sexually Hyde has no business with me. Any advice on what I can further do to support my man's head space would be awesome though

 

[RRT13]

I haven't text or heard from him since Wednesday. Trying my hardest to keep busy and maybe give him a few more days. Part of me thinks he has someone new, the other part maybe he's still battling demons. Trying to keep busy and work on me. I'm not sure on how to approach this with the no communication. Or just let him when he's ready to text me. I've been texting him first for a month now always same time of day to keep consistency.

 

[Amethus]

You said "vet" so I'm gonna assume your ex has combat PTSD....my ex did as well. I was dating a...

I just had two break ups in under a month with my ex (vet). This last one he accused me of being "fake" and he knew I was fake from the beginning and I played him. I understand he needed me to be an enemy to get away. It hurts though because I wasn't his enemy. I was very much a support to him.

 

[RRT13]

So do they do this in all relationships or just the ones they really love and care for?

 

[Freida]

but would still like to learn how not to trigger the Hyde with my emotions and vocal articulations, he himself even jokes about his jekyll and Hyde like personality which has been present since his young teens but I've defo made worse.

allowing a lot more sexual tings even if I'm not 100% comfortable

I think as long as I fully satisfy jekyll emotionally physically and Sexually Hyde has no business with me.

NO NO NO!!!!!!!! and NO!!!!!

you are not expected to change who you are, or do things that make you uncomfortable, to live with someone with ptsd --- EVER.

PTSD is HIS issue - not yours. He makes the choice to deal with it or not. You make the choice to define boundaries and demand that they be respected.

What you are describing here is more of a domestic violence relationship than a PTSD one.

Can we be huge pains in the ass? Yep
Can we be temperamental and isolated and angry? Yes.
Can we use our PTSD as an excuse to make our supporters our personal pinatas? NO!
Can we expect our supporters to do things they don't want to do as a way to keep us happy? NO!!!!

Please take a step back and really look at what you are requiring from yourself to keep this relationship going.
Then ask yourself if it is really worth it.

 

[LuckiLee]

Ok. Coming from a long term "supporter" here.

These guys are treating you like sh*t. Not because they have PTSD. But because they're rude, selfish a**holes. I'm sorry but geez. One if them gets you pregnant and leaves you homeless. And you want to figure out what you can do to get him back. Are you serious? He is the one who should be crawling on his hands and knees asking for your forgiveness.

If my guy kicked me out of OUR house. I wouldn't look back!!

You guys have to put yourself first because they sure the h*ll aren't.

My guy is a combat veteran who works extremely hard to treat me and everyone around him respectfully. That's what gentlemen do.

Stop letting them treat you like sh*t because they have a mental illness. You don't deserve it and they don't deserve you.

I put up with some crap myself but J and I love and respect each other very much. When he has a meltdown. I let him and we work it out TOGETHER after he's calmed down. That's what grown a** people do.

If you keep LETTING them get away with this crap nothing will ever change. For them or for you. This isn't PTSD. This is immature and selfish behavior.

I'm sorry to be so direct and harsh but come on.... Ladies, you deserve better!!

XO

 

[Amethus]

Ok. Coming from a long term "supporter" here.

These guys are treating you like sh*t. Not because the...

If you are talking about me, I don't want to get him back... I'm understanding not dumb.