Poll Do You Want To Hold, Or Be Held?

[City Slicker]

I experience holding and being held as very claustrophobic and anxiety provoking if it's longer than a few seconds and so I really don't enjoy either too much.

On the other hand, I enjoy touch but usually from someone I don't know, like a massage therapist etc. If I find I am needing touch I book a massage.

After my run today, they were giving the runners massages. I had two lol.

This is an interesting question because since getting my rescue dog, Hank, I find that he will let me 'hold' his head for long periods and I adore that. So maybe I enjoy holding animals but people, not so much!

 

[EveHarrington]

I want to be held. I wish I was more attractive/more likable so that I could be held. As it is I sleep with guys so that I can get human touch. But they don't want to actually hold me----I just take what I can get. Beggars can't be choosers. It sucks.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Sometimes I long to be held and sometimes I do not want anyone touching me!

 

[Ronin]

No I want to spar to get physically comfortable with both myself and them (or: them again, after a period of separation) and then hug for ages (so that goes for be held, I think. Just not too tight.)

Need-need that messing around preparation stage, to establish with my brain this is not Real Danger or Real Unwanted Contact.

Ticked Other because that, and gender being too many things I'm lazy to think of at the moment, too muddying the answer.

 

[Pixielicious]

I want to be held. I wish I was more attractive/more likable so that I could be held. As it is I...

Your post touched me deeply....For What it's worth, I'm considered 'attractive' and I can assure you that being 'pretty' so does not guarantee that I'm going to be loved, appreciated, respected etc. If anything, it attracts the bad guys who only want to f#ck me and treat me like a blow up doll :(
:hug:

 

[Fadeaway]

I crave being held. I can't handle it when I am. I freak out, I cry. My mind chastises me for reacting that way when I had imagined how happy it would make me, only for it to cause fear. Sometimes I am afraid I am going to be hurt, but other times, I am so afraid that it is going end that I freeze. I am so afraid I am going to do something wrong that will make the other person stop.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

I personally prefer to hold - which works out really well cuz my husband prefers to be held .. so we have a bit of a culturally "opposite norm" .. When we spoon (at night), I am wrapped around him, and we both love it. During the day, he exercises a more "protective" disposition towards me.

This quote is my husband in a nutshell:

I selected two. I crave being held (f) but I dont want anyone to f*cking touch me. Its confusing for sure. Begging to be touched but to be terrified of it. Confusing for sure.

He doesn't like anyone BUT me to "hold" him (I am "safe" and I keep him "safe"), but if we have kids, he can't wait for them to use him like a jungle gym. ;)

For myself, the notion of BEING held just really amplifies my own insecurities about my body, makes me feel claustrophobic, etc. Every now and again my husband and I "switch" roles in our sleeping positions. But this is (thankfully!) rare .. I feel like I have to "force" myself to enjoy the reversal. (LOL) I "endure" it more to allow him to take the more protective position, but it's very not natural to me. I kinda hate the vulnerability and exposure of having his hands on my most unattractive parts (his hands on my extra skin on my tummy, for example).

~WU

 

[BB-8]

Both but only with those I trust, gender is irrelevant to me. However if you'd of asked me a year ago I'd say "don't touch me".

 

[lostforgottensoul]

gender is irrelevant

This reminded me of my very good friend that I had right after. She was the only one that met my mother and told me she could see straight through her. The only one i ever told anything to. The only one that knew i cut and was activetly suicidal. She bought me my teddy bear for nightmares.

She was/is old enough to be my mother. Maybe thats why. I dont know.

I didnt want to be touched back then. I couldnt even stand someone touching my hand. Id finch and pull away and stand in a fight stance. I was very jumpy. Ive calmed that though still flinch when touched.

We were babysitting a VERY large house for a week. Sleeping there. 10 bedrooms but i was terrified of the dark and was very scared to sleep alone. She let me sleep in the bed with her. She covered me up and held me, spooned me.

We are both hetersexual so it had zero to do with sex. But it made me feel safe. I was 19 then and am now 35. I will never ever forget that. So i agree, gender doesnt matter. :)

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Related, and hopefully not off OP's original intent in asking, but my husband prefers to be held, I prefer to hold (as I mentioned above).

Last night was really cute - hubby (the PTSD sufferer in our relationship) was EXHAUSTED and wanted to go to bed by 7:45, but I wasn't anywhere ready for bed. So he bustled off without me - We're newlyweds, but still live in separate houses during the week, so we're accustomed to sleeping alone many nights a week. But sleeping TOGETHER is a luxury for us until we can sell his properties.

But for whatever reason, he could NOT fall asleep without me in bed with him. So I was in bed with him by 9, and only then did he finally settle to sleep.

Our favorite sleeping position of late has me a little "below" his headline, so I rest my forehead against his ribcage from behind, and then use my left hand to stroke his hair, and my right hand to hold him under his legs (he's in a fetal position with a pillow between his legs because that's the only position he can tolerate due to an old back injury), almost like I'm carrying him, but in sleep. He has found this so comforting, and has commented a lot about loving my face nestled into his back. Very fulfilling for both of us, cuz also nurtures my "protective" disposition towards him.

Like he protects me/us during the day, and I protect him at night, he can "let his guard down."

:inlove:
~WU

 

[loui50]

I absolutely CRAVE to be held. it has to be by someone i trust and have a connection with. it isn't sexual in any way. more like my inner child needs to be held. i love snuggling with hubs. and hugs from others i have a connection with.

 

[Amethyst]

I identify as asexual and I've never been in a relationship, so physical affection isn't something I'm used to. I was held a lot immediately after my trauma-- I spent a couple days with a friend since I didn't have access to my phone, car, house keys, or money and we pretty much cuddled non-stop. Now I crave it all the time.