Does Anyone Else Almost Like Their Dissociation?

[HemlockGrove]

Does anybody find dissociating anything besides painful or disrupting or anything else negative?

I almost find it relieving when I get a break. I've realized that my dissociated part isn't actually a part of me. It's more of all the bad things that have happened to me, all the things I've had to learn to survive. That I'm not a bad person or have bad parts, it's that bad people taught me that you can defeat them - as long as you know the rules to their game.

 

[arfie]

I believe there are places it an even be a lifesaver. Example: when confronted with someone in psychotic episode, engaging their delusions -or whatever- only escalates the crisis. Being able to insulate myself helps me resist the temptation to add to the chaos. Also quite useful for getting through boring presentations, etc.

The problem is in coming back to my senses. Literally.

 

[Bluerose]

First of all the dissociation I speak of may be slightly different to the dissociation you speak of. I used to be very frightened by it but only because I didn’t understand it. Once aware of what was going on, I used to try to fight it - stay in control. But it was exhausting. Much of the dissociation took place when I was tired or very stressed.

Gathering information helped. As I describe it, my dissociation went from something like the start of world war three - my struggle to stay in control - to what resembled sibling rivalry. I’m okay with zoning out from time to time because I know another part of me is taking charge for a while. For me today it’s all about trust and co-operation.

I know how crazy that sounds. But the problem is the words. We struggle for the words that describe and explain just what we are dealing with while trying not to sound like a crazy person. It’s not easy.

 

[HemlockGrove]

I know how crazy that sounds.

No no! I totally understand everything you said.

The problem is in coming back to my senses. Literally.

Hahha I soo can relate to that one - Maybe not in the same way as you but I get you

 

[Raisin]

It can be pleasant- in the sense that it is like a holiday from pain & fear, and to me it can feel like a warm cocoon sometimes. The best thing is I can get relief from physical pain too- very useful when in labour!

 

[The Albatross]

Yeah, for pain tolerance it has helped me to a degree but as it is involuntary and unbidden ... and at times unpredictable mostly it just makes me confused and distressed. Like when I'm driving or when I'm somewhere else and I'm not sure what happened or how I got there. It's usually about 5-20 minutes, so I guess that's something. But I don't entirely trust my "auto pilot" especially when I'm driving.

 

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

Yes...I like it when I disassociate! I am almost sure that I am right now. It helps me so I don't have to deal with things. I feel like nothing can worry me or hurt me while I'm like this. I have been sitting in my car on the side of the road for about 6 and a half hours now because of an argument u could call it, with my bf. I didn't want to go home or back to his house and I was in hysterics next minute I know it had been 2or 3 hours and then I started getting anxious again then hours later I'm still here not wanting to move I think as I started to come out of it I almost made myself go back again I think?part of me was saying to wake up but the rest of me was pleading to stay! The only time I don't like it is when the angry side of me comes out...I hate me and think I'm pathetic and week and deserve everything I got cause I didn't stop it. Cause I stayed, and kept going back!! That part of me doesn't come out often anymore...I just stay in a fuzzy heavy state where nothing can get to me. I guess it can be frustrating at time tho when I'm around ppl and can't remember anything. I try and avoid being around too many ppl tho

 

[TeaLeaf]

There were times when I likes my dissociation, at least I could get a break from the terror, fear, sadness and despair I was feeling. I also started to see it as a strength when I was healing or rather that my brain was trying to help me cope when things got to be too much. Overall though it was hurting me because although I got a break from the bad feelings, I also didn't feel good feelings and connection either.

 

[67_09]

No. Not to say that forgetting isn't great, but something always remembers. Thats why I hate it so bad.

 

[Bambibeeb]

Detachment can feel like a childlike dream, its a mix between scary and enchanting depending on the mood or whats triggering it :)