Does anyone else struggle with Christmas?

[oakleaves]

I find it so hard and I feel so guilty for not feeling merry and finding it easy to join in the films.

I hate Christmas songs especially like pop songs. I don't really know why it's a trigger even which makes me feel even more guilty.

I want to try to reclaim it and make it my own but things like songs and food make mme feel so uncomfortable.

 

[Survivor3]

I find Christmas to be quite a lonely time of year. I try to ignore it as best I can.

 

[Freemartin]

I hate Christmas with a passion.
Long story short, my FOO throws major guilt trip tantrums because I’m not spending the holidays with them. (No chance in hell I’d do that - that’d end up with me hospitalized and/or otherwise batshit crazy.) Usually, I make a lame-ass compromise which leaves me shaken and retraumatized and my parents dissatisfied.

So yeah, Christmas and I, not that great a match.

And I share the guilt. Not being merry and whatnot. And I also feel like a failure bc I haven’t been able to reclaim Christmas.

As a cherry on the cake, I’m a devout Christian and I’d really like to spend this holiday as a dignified religious celebration. But no, at this point, it seems to be all about emotional abuse, guilt, feelings of inadequacy and self-blame for all of the above.

So how’s that for Christmas merryment?

 

[Survivor3]

I hate Christmas with a passion.
Long story short, my FOO throws major guilt trip tantrums because I’m not spending the holidays with them. (No chance in hell I’d do that - that’d end up with me hospitalized and/or otherwise batshit crazy.) Usually, I make a lame-ass compromise which leaves me shaken and retraumatized and my parents dissatisfied.

So yeah, Christmas and I, not that great a match.

And I share the guilt. Not being merry and whatnot. And I also feel like a failure bc I haven’t been able to reclaim Christmas.

As a cherry on the cake, I’m a devout Christian and I’d really like to spend this holiday as a dignified religious celebration. But no, at this point, it seems to be all about emotional abuse, guilt, feelings of inadequacy and self-blame for all of the above.

So how’s that for Christmas merryment?

I'd be quite happy to meet up with fellow PTSD survivors at Christmas, that would be better! Haha. We could eat good food and just bitch about everything!

 

[Freemartin]

I’m in!
I wanna eat what ever da f*ck I want (burgers and ice cream, probably) and watch movies & bitch like crazy about Christmas stuff. Sounds like the best Christmas ever!

 

[Movingforward10]

Seeing as this is the first Christmas where I will be connecting with feelings, and having spent the last decades decidedly Not Feeling: I have no idea how Christmas will go this year.

Have only spent one Christmas with my FOO since I was 16, am 42 now. They have all tended not to phone me either over Christmas. So no idea how things will be this year. Will I call them? Will they call me?

My partner hates Christmas. And it's also the first Christmas since both her parents died this year. So that's difficult enough.

But I love the time we get to spend together and just spoil each other and eat nice things like @Survivor3 said.

Essentially, it's a dicey time all round?!

 

[Rani G2]

hate Christmas songs especially like pop songs.

@oakleaves, get it! Not a fan either.

Don’t struggle, but actively avoiding. Not interested on sitting around a dinner table with people talking about insignificant trivial stuff.. not that I‘m in any way better, I’m usually priggish and always offended because there is no red carpet laid out for me, so I’m sitting alone cranky at home, but I usually order nice food for myself.

Have a good time nonetheless people!!!

 

[Tinyflame]

I struggle with the fact I used to like it- love it the best, until life interfered. And like @Survivor3 said, I think there's the loneliness of having to be where you are unwelcome and unwanted, and reminders during the season of the same, of feeling or being like the exile or the misfit. And dealing with extra dangers. And the fact if you don't have a family- you don't exist. On paper or in minds or hearts.

But then again, with covid, nothing is guaranteed, including being around. And on the other hand, not caring anymore. I have to work it anyway.

I think the best connotations are belonging somewhere or having family, or being loved. Of being able to give, not be selfish, and to be allowed to be happy. Burgers and ice cream with people who care for one another, and peace and laughs, fantastic. That's Christmas even from a (true) Christian viewpoint I humbly think @Freemartin .

 

[woodsy1]

I find it so hard and I feel so guilty for not feeling merry and finding it easy to join in the films.

I hate Christmas songs especially like pop songs. I don't really know why it's a trigger even which makes me feel even more guilty.

I want to try to reclaim it and make it my own but things like songs and food make mme feel so uncomfortable.

I understand that due to various factors, there are more reports of mental health issues during the holiday season. I think I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. I enjoy some of the festivity and lights and music, but most everything triggers me at the same time. AND I'm expected to be more social. That's hard for me!

 

[Missycat]

There is a lot i like about Christmas ( i love the chick flick christmassy movies - yea sad i know ) but its also always a time i have mixed emotions about and i struggle - certainly many triggers. The abuse happened when i was a kid and the christmas ads were on tv - also on one particularly horrendous occasion Chitty chitty bang bang was on tv - i cant bear the movie and just the music makes me feel sick , have a melt down. I imagine cos not many new tv programmes have been made due to the pandemic a lot of things will be repeated .... so daily chitty chitty then ! Oh no ( just writing it makes me want to vomit)
I will join you all at the pub/bar for food and bitching ( i dont drink) .

 

[gealach]

I loved Christmas in my former life, especially when I had my nephew and niece to celebrate with and they were old enough to believe in Santa, it was just so much fun. But the whole season is a lie. Their mom pulled off a seemingly normal and good final Christmas, and for that day it felt like we were almost a normal(-ish) family. Thoughtful gifts, wrapped and put under a pretty decorated tree, festive stickers on the windows, everyone over for a big dinner with all the trimmings, carols on the radio, a trip to look at the light show... putting in all that effort, pretending to be family, and the "spirit of the season". But behind all that cheer and festivity the kids were being abused and starved, especially my niece because she wasn't in school yet. And as their mother once so eloquently put it, child protective services isn't going to believe anything (the allegations) when there's a Christmas tree and snowflakes on the windows (she was right, they didn't). So as she festively decorated for the season of "good will towards men" and "god bless us, everyone", she and the boyfriend du jour smacked the kids around and made them eat scraps thrown on the floor. Made sure they were healed before we saw the kids for Christmas though (it all came out in the autopsy). Nothing sums up the spirit of the season like superficial festivity and decorating, child abuse, and impending homicides.

Christmas, the decorations, the music, the movies, the superficial sentiments and cheer, the consumerism. I hate it all. It starts before halloween now, and it just goes on and on for months. It makes me want to puke.

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm sorry @gealach .