Dreamt about my ex who raped me again

[7lonewolf7]

This time it wasn't a nightmare or a night terror. It's been a long time since I've had a dream with him in it, but they're usually of him hurting me. Sometimes in the form of flashbacks.

But this time it was different
I was lying down with friends in some kind of large hammock, talking about having a party, then the guy to my left got up and left. I swang the hammock with my legs for a bit then decided to roll over to my left side and that's where he was. He was lying there facing me, wearing cloths that I liked. I and everyone else to the right of me had blankets, but he didn't so he curled up a bit and that's when our eyes met. There was space between us from the guy who got up and left, but I think we started holding hands after our eyes met. I'm not sure though cause I woke up after that.

He was my ex that I fell in love with and I'm doing everything in my power to detach from him completely (I've cut all ties for about a year now), but I can't erase memories of him so I'm always stuck having random dreams and intrusive thoughts. So I wanted to know if anyone has ever had to deal with this before and if so, how did they cope?

 

[somerandomguy]

Well, sure. It's very common to dream about important people in our lives, and unfortunately, that also means our abusers.

I dream about my abuser (my ex-wife) fairly frequently. I just had a very realistic sex dream about her a week or so ago, and that was very unpleasant to say the least.

But dreams are only dreams. They aren't real. They're your brain just going through certain motions. They don't necessarily mean anything. And you don't have to let them affect your life, as unsettling as they can be.

Remember, you aren't in that situation anymore. You are safe. You're no longer with your abuser.

But if it really bother you to the point where you really let it go, it would be something to bring up with your therapist. Are you currently in therapy?

 

[Faketan]

I wanted to ask about this also today , so t was really helpfully seeing other people go through the same thing. My dreams are usually triggered by me feeling shame at some point in the day. I hope it fades for you.

 

[Fadeaway]

Brace your self, going to rip the band aid off here. You will probably have random dreams like this the rest of your life even after the trauma has been processed.

Nightmares are one thing, but this doesn't sound like a nightmare even though your reaction on waking was that it was an unwanted dream. It is just your brain pulling up random memories and putting a story to it. The horrible things he did doesn't make the memories of the good times disappear from your subconscious.

It is just a fragmented memory your brain pulled from thin air. I used to be bothered by them, now I just file them away in the showing up to grade school in your underwear type dream. Nightmares aren't that easy to shake off.

 

[grit]

I am sorry you had this experience from someone you trusted. IMHO, I thought your dream was re-working through the trauma in order to process. It is not just the abuse but the trust you put in this person which means, you will have to trust again in another person. It almost felt to me your brain was re-working or processing in a way that you will learn how to trust again and this person does not take that away from you.

I could be wrong of course, but like you said it was not a nightmare and yet of course you were annoyed when you wake up but maybe, I would say, allow yourself to feel that he abused you but did not take your trust in others with him.