Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[Reclusive]

No one said you can only have 1 bath a day. ;) Sounds like a beautiful dinner, though - your H sure can cook, huh!

 

[Lil Red Robin Hood]

((((((((((KP)))))))))))

I haven't been able to get online for a little bit, so happy with the progress you've made! You are so brave!

It amazes me you can push yourself like you do. I hope that you are not pushing yourself too much...make sure to keep giving yourself breaks and time to relax.

Having hard time right now but am going to try to get on forum every day...wasn't doing very well when wasn't writing. Not doing very well right now but hoping being on here will help. Missed you!

Lots of hugs and love,
Robin

 

[KP the nut]

So unlike me this morning. I lay awake and felt such uncontrolable rage. I wanted to see the man who caused this and to scream and shout and swear and beat him and...... Of course I do none of these things, keep it all in. I think this is as a result of what came out of my last EMDR session.

I am so angry and anger is a negative emotion. Why am I such a compliant person, why can't I scream and shout.

 

[Marie E.]

It is progress that you feel at all and it looks as if you are not directing this anger toward yourself, which is good.

 

[KP the nut]

I feel much calmer today. H suggested we went for a walk with the dogs yesterday evening, I went just to shut him up. That sounds mean but he is always telling me to walk with him. Anyway, it was so nice, H always has to remind me that I do enjoy it, he is the best.

Today, I've been really lazy. Only chores I've done was to wash the dishes and tidy the kitchen. I took the dogs to a park next to the river. I took coffee and a late lunch, it was so nice and peaceful sat in the sunshine. I also phoned a friend and she is coming for coffee tomorrow afternoon.

I also took cookies to our local garage to say thankyou for calming me when I have a panic with the car. They were surprised.

I will try and hold onto this feeling.

 

[Brontie]

Welcome back!!

 

[KP the nut]

:mad::mad::mad:AAARRRGGGHHH:mad::mad::mad:

Thank you I needed that.

I'm stressing about T and dentist tomorrow. T will make (no, he never makes) will want me to go over what came up in last weeks session. I'm scared I don't know if I want to go there again although I know I must face it in order to move on. Tomorrow will be my last session for a couple of weeks as he is on leave next week.

Then back to the dentist - urgh.

Hey, and guess what, my mammogram wasn't right so I've been recalled to the hospital, oh joy, thankyou God, thank you very much. AAARRRGGGHHH.

And, I still haven't heard the result of my appeal. I bet they wait and send the letter next week when I'm on my own.

Bloody, bloody hell

 

[KP the nut]

Sorry, went off on one then. I think I'll go walk the dogs and try and clear my head.

(((HUGS)))

 

[Marie E.]

Awww KP!!! (((Big Hugs!!)))

 

[Brontie]

Calm down. Everything will be just fine.
Repeat this to yourself often.

 

[KP the nut]

OMG what a day yesterday was. It was amazing. OK the drive to T was a nightmare, trucks swerving towards me, people walking in the road and so on. Went into T nervous and apprehensive.

We chatted for a while I told him about the rage, he said I had to let it out and then got down to EMDR. We picked up from where I was last week and I got through it. We then did it again focusing on how my body was reacting. It was tough, my right side was in pain and frozen, I remembered this was the side I couldn't move. T stopped me and suggested we try another technique, He said that it was v noticeable that my right side was still in trauma, it shook much more than my left side, I confirmed I was aware of that as well.

T suggested the 'double tapping method'. Basically he sat quite close to me, I had my hand resting on a cushion on my lap. He then with one of his hands tapped each of my hands in turn. I had to imagine that the right hand couldn't move and was heavy and that the left hand was lighter. I remembered that in the accident my left hand actually had to move my right hand and arm. T then had me hold my right hand in my left but leaving room for him to still tap both. I don't know if I'm gullible or the psycho babble worked but my right side did feel better. I still feel as if a weight has been lifted and I'm not in so much physical pain.

I was able to do a bit of shopping before going to the dentist and bought myself a new lipstick as a reward. What I didn't realise was that they were lip stains and as I merrily tested them on the back of my hand, when I tried to wipe them off with a tissue, they wouldn't budge. A nice lady on cosmetics removed most of them with make up remover.

Dentist was OK, but doh, I forgot to take painkillers in advance and had toothache last night for half an hour before painkillers kicked in.

On the drive home, I decided to let the rage out. I screamed myself hoarse and the air turned blue with shock at the language I used. I swore like a trooper. Quite funny really.

No T next week, however I am booked to do community car drives tomorrow, Mon, Tues and Wed.

Linking arms
KP

 

[KP the nut]

Forgot to say, T used essential oils to help bring me back to the room. A choice of lemon, lavender or geranium. I chose lemon, it was very nice. He put drops on a cotton bud, I then had to block one nostril at a time and inhale through the other to the count of three. Wow a fantastic hit of tangy lemon. I'f recommend trying it.