Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[Complicated]

Hi KP

I am sorry you are going through all this. I have no words of advice but if it makes you feel any better your day and night sound very similar to mine. I also woke up in the middle of the night in a full fledged panick attack also reliving the past. Everyday I feel like I should just have the strength to get over and move on but I cant. I dont know about you but that just makes me feel worse about things but I dont know how to stop. So all I can offer is understanding and to tell you that you are not alone!

 

[KP the nut]

I've had a nap and now I must get ready for a big social occassion tonight - an Abba Tribute night. I need to go put my mask on (litterally, although I'm shaking so much , I'll give the mascara a miss) and if I act the part convincingly maybe I wiil actually enjoy it.

Wish me luck.

 

[Sazza]

Kp wish there was something I could do to help hate see you suffering, you are always there for others on here.

You are not worthless, you are a caring and kind lady from what I've seen with alot of time for others. I think it's natural for us always to think others pain is worse than ours, that's part of our problem we trivialise things. We need to validate our feelings accept shit had happened and it's ok to feel crap about it. So stop being hard on yourself I think you need some you time to pamper yourself. I really hope tonight goes ok for you I know how hard that damn mask is when you don't feel like it. Will be thinking of you.

Sazza

 

[AngelaMarie]

I am really sorry you are going through a hard time right now, KP. I just want you to keep remembering how well you have been doing. You are getting stronger and stronger and maybe that is why memories come back because you can handle them now?? IMHO. I know you will bounce back. You always do. I believe it you!:tup:

I hope everything went well with your night out.:)

 

[KP the nut]

(((HUGS)))

The night went well. A couple of times I was overwhelmed and went outside for fresh air. I was sat next to a nice man, but he was v loud and kept leaning into my 'personal space'. The food was good, a carvery and wine was provided. There was a disco first and the 'Abba' came on at 10pm.

I did join in and enjoyed myself although my neck and shoulders were really painful - too much clapping and waving:rolleyes:. I am proud that I made myself go.

I am trying to be kinder to myself, today will be quiet, although I have a community car drive this afternoon.

Thank you for all the support, it means a lot

 

[Froggie]

Worthless, worthless, worthless

Even if you wrote that a million times, it definately does not define you !

 

[Complicated]

I glad to hear that it went well! You should be very, very proud of yourself that you managed to go. I think it is also very important to take some "you/alone" time and you should also be proud of yourself that you are doing that. In the end I think its all about balance and defining what you need on a daily basis to feel better and function.
Take care!

 

[KP the nut]

It has been such a busy few weeks, but I can say that I am at the top of the rollercoaster.

I have managed so much recently,

• Big social event out at a pub
• Having a near miss with a truck and confronting the driver
• Driving to and from York (320 Miles round trip)
• Socialising in York
• Becoming a Town Councillor

to name a few.

I have just returned from T. I was good, I cleared another target. I only have 2 - 4 sessions left :eek:. It will be scary going it alone, but as T says that is not just yet. After the session we chatted about my progress and I told him about how I was a total sceptic. But that I gave it my all and went with the 'psycho babble' :roflmao:. He admitted he never minds people being sceptical if they give it a try and do homework etc. He did tell me I had given it my all and that I am at this stage because of that.

He then asked me if I would do something, he said he has never asked a client to do this before and that I could say no. He's asked me to do a recorded session about how I was a sceptic, but that by following advice and learning to be kind to myself has helped and made me happier, more able to manage symptoms, more assertive and confident. He then wants to give new clients (sceptics) a copy of the disk to help show that by following advice it is possible to improve, he thinks by a client saying that will have more impact then him just saying it. I've said I will do it.

I hope this feeling lasts because I like who I am and where I am at the moment.

 

[KP the nut]

Whilst I'm on a roll, I've just submitted a job application. Only 9 hours a week but at least it is paid and will keep me out of mischief :D

 

[intothelight]

Wow KP,

You do set a fine example of what hard work can do for a person. You are inspiring.

Deb

 

[Froggie]

You're a model for us KP so for sure you will be a model for others !

As for your post concerning the 9h/week job, I doubt that will keep you out of mischief :p:whistling::sneaky:

 

[KP the nut]

Following on from what my T has asked me to do, I have a proposition for him :eek:.

At the end of some sessions he does this amazing visualisation exercise which really helps my pain. He calls it the 'light stream'. I visualise my pain, mine is jaggered, sharp, high pitched, green and the size of a double decker bus. I then have my healing colour - purple. I imagine light coming from the cosmos, entering my body through my head, it is neverending and healing. T talks me through the light covering the pain, flowing and flowing until the light fills my body. The light turns the pain into a liquid and continues to flow until it leaves my body. I always feel so calm and relaxed afterwards. I always tell T I am v gullible:rolleyes:.

So the proposition is I do the recording for him and he records 'light stream' for me:D.