Childhood Foster Care Or Adopted?

[7Cs]

May I ask if you have done any recovery on that trauma? Is there any research to prove that it is or can be...

Look up "The Primal Wound"

 

[7Cs]

I'm pretty sure this is in my profile but...

Long story short.

My bio parents were in a cult and moved from place to place. They did not believe in material things so were essentially homeless. I was taken away from them at 1 and a half. Adopted at 3 then taken away from a parents at 12 for abuse. I moved from foster home to group home to juvi repeatedly until I was 16. Finally, I was given back to my a parents who immediately upon picking me up abandoned me to the streets.

This is my *primary* PTSD trauma.

 

[One step at a time]

Got crazy lucky with an unofficial foster family situation for the last two years of high school. They aren't perfect, but they are my family now, for better or for worse.

So in my case, this stuff was the reprieve from trauma, rather than an additional cause.

 

[Mit]

About a month ago after a three year battle, I received my adoption records from social services. I knew virtually nothing before. My mother was 24 when she became pregnant with me, she was living at home with her parents and worked as a shop assistant. My father was a married man, age 42 with four children. Eight months before I was born he died after driving his car into a cliff face, accidentally I presume. Coincidentally the Avon Gorge, where my father died, is somewhere I spent most of my youth and time as a young adult, rock climbing, I know it very, very well. Seems I also have four half siblings who probably don't know I exist, the youngest is just one year older than me.

It's mostly unlikely that my mother or father knew of her pregnancy when he died. My grandparents refused to have an illegitimate child in their home, my mother had no means to provide for me so I was to be adopted from birth.

Unexpectedly I was born with hypospadias and required surgery, the doctors estimated I'd need at least 4 operations to correct the problem(which turned out to be 30) starting when I was 3 or 4 years old. It was decided adoption could not immediately take place because of my medical issues and my mother was required to care for me in a mother and baby unit. For six weeks she cared for me, took me to hospital appointments and even breast fed me. During one hospital appointment the consultant urologist noted in a letter that my mother was 'very distressed'.

After six weeks in the baby unit with my mother I was transferred to a care home 30 miles away, and my mother went back to her parents, the last time she saw me. Social services stopped adoption procedures because they didn't think potential adopters would want a baby with medical problems requiring repeated surgery. They recommended I stay in care. There were plenty of 'perfect babies' out there, needing adoption, so in their view, who would want one with deformed genitals. Around age four I was fostered, and soon after my foster parents registered an interest in adopting. Social services continued to resist my adoption, not believing potential adopters could care for a child requiring extensive surgery. My foster parents went to court and finally adoption was granted when I was 5.

My mother married 16 months after I was born, and moved out of her parents, but had no more children. It seems she is still alive (age 78). I have her found her address, she lives (or lived until recently) some 200 miles away from me. Returning from a recent trip away from home, I stopped outside the address. It was a very weird feeling, thinking of her inside, only feet away, the closest we'd been in 53 years.