Gynae Appointment

[krystina]

i hate going to the doctor's i HAD a guy last time and I just about flipped out when my mom told me.
she said that we could reschedule but then I would have to post pone my job. which neither of us wanted to do. although i wish I hadn't gone because a lot a memories came back just from him touching me.

 

[lilstar]

i have the same reaction, i hate it but im pleased i went otherwise i wouldnt of had any treatment

 

[Lucycat]

I too have put off my smear test, and ignored all the reminders they have sent me. I just can't face it.

It is made worse that I work in the hospital and therefore know all the staff. It is a combined hospital/GP surgery and I have only dealt with one GP who knows of my problems. I have very deliberately not told the rest of my colleagues what I have been going through, and would not want to tell the practice nurse who does these tests. I know she would be sympathetic, but when I meet her later in the corridor I would feel that I have a sign on my head ' Victim with CPTSD'

On the other hand, as a health professional I know the importance of having these tests done.

A friend has offered to come and 'hold my hand' in the waiting room. But it is not there that I fear I will fall apart. I don't want to come out of the exam room, in front of all my colleagues with tears streaming down my face.

Like Cherry Blossom has said I am making this a long term goal. I just hope that someday I feel ready to take on the challenge.

 

[cherryblossom]

I too have put off my smear test, and ignored all the reminders they have sent me. I just can't face it.

It is made worse that I work in the hospital and therefore know all the staff. It is a combined hospital/GP surgery and I have only dealt with one GP who knows of my problems. I have very deliberately not told the rest of my colleagues what I have been going through, and would not want to tell the practice nurse who does these tests. I know she would be sympathetic, but when I meet her later in the corridor I would feel that I have a sign on my head ' Victim with CPTSD'

On the other hand, as a health professional I know the importance of having these tests done.

A friend has offered to come and 'hold my hand' in the waiting room. But it is not there that I fear I will fall apart. I don't want to come out of the exam room, in front of all my colleagues with tears streaming down my face.

As I was reading your post I was full of wise words. Lots of positive thoughts about how you should get the test done, how we could support you etc.....

Until........

Like Cherry Blossom has said I am making this a long term goal. I just hope that someday I feel ready to take on the challenge.

I might be a lot of things, but I don't think I'm a hypocrite. So I won't say anything to you, except that I aim to make this goal sooner, rather than later.

 

[WonderingWhy]

I am right there with you. The last one I had was maybe close to ten years ago. I was working at the office where I had it done. It was a Dr I knew and completely trusted. He gave me a prescription for Valium so I could take it before. He and a nurse I was also comfortable with came in on a Saturday so we were the only ones there.

It was still really difficult, but at least I did NOT have the added anxiety of worrying about who might hear me and who might see me and my frazzzled self when I was finished!

Obviously not something that is not an option for many. It isn't even an option for me anymore!!!:( Hence the reason I have not gone in YEARS!

I do have that as a long term goal.

 

[Crusoe]

I'm avoiding big time too. Eeeeeeeeek

 

[WonderingWhy]

:oops: I see you now. I am just a bit tired I guess my eyes are not working right. :rolleyes: Sure can't be MY oversight! :D

 

[Crusoe]

Hope you get caught up on sleep soon x

 

[WonderingWhy]

Me too. But I guess it's my own fault.:(

 

[Crusoe]

Hmmm I'm not sure it's your "fault", more a result of what you have been through. It just means that we have to work harder at sorting things that shouldn't ever have been an issue we had to deal with. Personally I blame all my problems on what was done to me (and obviously I wasn't at all to blame for that and neither were any of us) but I also try to take as much responsibility as I can for putting them right. You, like the rest of us just need support in carrying out the "putting right" bit.

 

[WonderingWhy]

Crusoe,

I really appreciate your kind words.
You are right though I have to conquer my fears and be willing to TRY to go to sleep. I just can't explain how REAL those bad dreams are. When I wake up, I feel like I just went back in time and relived everything, but worse!!! It's worse because before anything happened in "real life" I did have an uneasy feeling, but in my dreams I have a real strong fear, anxiety and dread!!!! Then it is still bad when I wake up because it actually takes a bit for me to realize I am safe in my own bed. Then I usually (not intentionally) get angry with myself for letting an unreal imagined dream hurt me so bad!!!! It's like I have just hurt myself like he did.

I am not sure if I am explaining it well, but it is REALLY HORRIBLE to go through.

 

[Crusoe]

Hey it ok. You really don't need to explain how real and terrifying the dreams are because they used to be exactly the same for me hun. Sending you hugs to keep you strong (((((WW)))))