Relationship He stopped communication; will he come back?

[AllConfused]

@lostforgottensoul

We had a relationship. My last post is regarding after he reached out to me. We are not in a relationship now; just working on friendship. And as friends, he has no obligation to talk to me or even to do anything with me so if he runs away, that’s okay. I no longer have that emotional connection/attachment to him.

As friends, he’s always welcome to talk to me if he needs to as he said he’s never met anyone that he could share himself with like he did with me...so I don’t want to take that away from him in case it helps with his ptsd to talk about things he can’t share with others.

Hope that is all cleared up :).

 

[EveHarrington]

I no longer have that emotional connection/attachment to him.

Are you sure you can flip the switch so fast? I’d argue no given the distress shown in this thread.

 

[blackemerald1]

Yeah I agree with Eve.. you are so emotionally attached evidenced by all this angst.

And also I'm not convinced about the building the friendship routine either. But if you are hey let him use you. You don't seem to be acknowledging what you're getting out of this but you must be getting something back. Or hoping for something?

 

[AllConfused]

@blackemerald1 @EveHarrington

I think it’s misunderstood that my pain came from not losing him, but from the not understanding what happened that we had no closure.

But I have had my closure now. It was almost 2 weeks ago that I first reached out here. Having understood how ptsd can wreak havoc on relationships, I understand why things ended the way they did. So it has almost been a month since we last talked, I’ve healed quite a lot since.

I no longer have a yearning for closure or do I even want talk to him.

You don’t need to get anything in return to help anyone. I’d help anyone if they wanted to talk because they’re going through some stressful times. That being said, it can’t be a constant thing but once in a while, I can lend a listening ear.

Your posts imply that I’m lying about how I feel..or that I have some ulterior motive, which doesn’t make sense because what good is it to anonymously lie to online strangers?

I wanted to edit but it’s too late to....that it’s been a month since we last talked affectionately and a lot of pain was created. Can’t continue loving someone that hurt me.

And his reaching out to explain what happened helped tremendously. It helped me move on, as the angst was from not having closure, not losing him.

Relationships are already hard on their own; no need to add ptsd to the mix.

 

[LuckiLee]

It's definitely not for the faint of heart. And that goes for the sufferers and supporters. It's a very difficult and painful journey.

 

[blackemerald1]

I'm not intending to imply you're lying. Perhaps there's a little misdirected loyalty, self-deception or difficulty on your side to detach. All understandable when you are so incredibly taken by another. But Idk.. you will know what it is once you truly gain perspective. Maybe this will happen with the passage of time, finding someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.. all that nonnegotiable relationship stuff.

Btw loads of ppl (anonymously & using their true identity) deceive outrageously online to complete strangers for all manner of reasons. Surely you know this? But I'm not saying you have here.

I think it's nice to help ppl too & I do if necessary. However in this instance, this is the guy who has hurt you & won't really help himself so I'm uncertain why you'd bother risking your heart again. Friendships must be two way.

 

[AllConfused]

@blackemerald1

I’m a forgiving person and I’ve forgiven him so I’m not hurt anymore and seriously don’t have any hard feelings. While I forgive, I don’t forget.

I just want to be a decent human being, especially to someone that I cared for that has a mental illness. Additionally, he sacrificed his life for our freedom so I will always be kind to him.

When we were together, I told him that he could always contact me no matter what; I want to keep my word.

Just because he hurt me or didn’t keep any promises, that doesn’t mean I have to stoop to his level. It won’t change/affect my decisions to offer human kindness. I’m still going to be who I am regardless of his actions.

The one thing that resulted from his hurtful actions is that I’m no longer his. So I don’t see how I’m risking my heart again just by letting him know, he has someone to talk to if he ever needs it.

Why must he and I stop all contact for it to be the “right” thing to do? And why do you feel I’m not allowed to choose how to deal with him without being accused of having an attachment issue? There is nothing he can give me that I can’t find elsewhere.

Yes plenty of people lie online for their own selfish reasons, but we aren’t talking about them, we’re talking about me. What would my reason be and how would it help me?

I really appreciate your responses as it has helped me think, but in the end, I stand by 100% with what I said. There is plenty of relationship hardship with a “normal” person, I don’t want to and won’t deal with the additional stress that is ptsd. I’ll let the people who are more equipped handle such relationships.

Thank you for reading ?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Additionally, he sacrificed his life for our freedom so I will always be kind to him.

Loads of vets come back as abusive (and even very abusive) people. Always being kind to someone just because they are a veteran is not a great way to go about things.

Not saying he is abusive. Just saying many are and that just the fact that they are a veteran shouldn't be why you are kind to someone. Be kind to someone because they are kind to you.

 

[blackemerald1]

Righto.. @AllConfused - go right ahead and do what you are proclaiming you must do :)

that doesn’t mean I have to stoop to his level.

^I've not suggested you behave badly.

And I've not accused you of anything. You are very defensive. I wonder why? Rhetorical question.. no need to answer... I think I know.

Good luck.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ok guys... let’s move along. No need to keep engaging off topic.

 

[EveHarrington]

@blackemerald1 @EveHarrington

I think it’s misunderstood that my pain came from not losing him, but from the not understanding what happened that we had no closure.

But I have had my closure now. It was almost 2 weeks ago that I first reached out here. Having understood how ptsd can wreak havoc on relationships, I understand why things ended the way they did. So it has almost been a month since we last talked, I’ve healed quite a lot since.

I no longer have a yearning for closure or do I even want talk to him.

You don’t need to get anything in return to help anyone. I’d help anyone if they wanted to talk because they’re going through some stressful times. That being said, it can’t be a constant thing but once in a while, I can lend a listening ear.

Your posts imply that I’m lying about how I feel..or that I have some ulterior motive, which doesn’t make sense because what good is it to anonymously lie to online strangers?

I wanted to edit but it’s too late to....that it’s been a month since we last talked affectionately and a lot of pain was created. Can’t continue loving someone that hurt me.

And his reaching out to explain what happened helped tremendously. It helped me move on, as the angst was from not having closure, not losing him.

Relationships are already hard on their own; no need to add ptsd to the mix.

I don’t think that you’re lying, rather there may be some denial going on?

It’s quite difficult to bridge the gap from relationship to friendship, especially when someone is very attached, as you seemed to be.

Then again, I’m never friends with ex’s because of the potential damage that could do to a future relationship, especially since there are like 8 billion other people out there to be friends with who won’t complicate a future relationship.