How Did You Sleep Last Night?

[KP the nut]

I slept, I dreamt I'd broken a tooth, I dream that often. I woke up and realised I had broken a tooth into 2 bits - ouch.

 

[Anna]

2 hours.... fell asleep at 3am, got up at 5am to go to work.

After 100 sit ups and some serious cardio I feel a lot better.

I was sweating like a pig though :P

 

[HëllaBubz]

I'm really really scared to go to sleep tonight.

It's 11:30pm here, and I was flipping through channels when my brother and partner saw a show that looked interesting, so we watched it for a bit, and a really, really horrible graphic scene of a police officer.............if you are easily triggered, please stop reading.

The screen shot showed a man lying face down in a disabled toilet cubicle, a pool of blood spreading out from him, and he was screaming and jerking spasmodically. Behind him you could see a pair of trousered legs with heavy boots, and you could tell that the man was being horribly assaulted......I can't even type that other word right now....it sends shudders through me.

The assaulter was making sounds and saying things of sexual enjoyment.....I can't repeat them.

Then the cubicle door opens, and a police officer steps out with a bloody 2ft pole, and looks at the woman who has walked in, and tells her that the man was 'found' like that, and the blood on his hand and arm was because he 'slipped'.

Then the screen moved to the assaulted man's face, and you could see blood pool spreading, and him sobbing for her to help him.

I was in a state of shock, but just flipped through to another channel, and no one noticed how disturbed I was.

I felt, and still feel, sick to my stomach, shaky, and I was clenching my jaw so hard that my back molar is throbbing and feels compacted. Every time I try to talk to someone, my jaw starts snapping together, and trying to type this, with proper formatting.........

I had something similar happen to me, as what was shown on the TV show.

I'm exhausted, but I'm soooooo soooooo scared to go to sleep.
I really need a hug, but I'm too scared to admit to my partner and brother that it has had a strong effect on me, because they'll just tell me it wasn't real and so, 'what's the problem, just forget about it.'

Someone help, I'm shaking so much right now, and what my body isn't doing, my mind is curled up in a dark corner shaking even more.

 

[Ice_Fire]

(((((((((((((((((((((((BUBZ)))))))))))))))))))))))

Ah mate, how horrible. I'm so so sorry you saw that. Even if it is late, that stuff shouldn't be on t.v IMHO, that and computer games are making people think it's no big deal when it is a massively big deal. Just because it 'wasn't real' in the programme doesn't mean it shouldn't and won't have an effect on you.

How graphic and disturbing. I can understand why you can't settle to sleeping now and I'm sorry you feel as if you can't tell those around you how upset you are.

Deep breaths, is there anything calming you can do to help settle you, nice music, a mug of hot chocolate, a teddy bear? Take care, I hope you can sleep at some point tonight. It doesn't feel like it I know, but you are safe right now.

((((((((((Big gentle hug)))))))))

 

[HëllaBubz]

Too much violence makes people immune to pain and suffering like ours.

I've already thought of that, and I've got some classical playing, and then I'll cause injury to myself by watching Mr. Bean and falling off the bed laughing at his antics.

Thanks for the hugs, I needed it so much, and yes, I'm going downstairs right now for my favourite teddy bear.......Cookie Monster.

He's the perfect cuddle size, and is very familiar with my tears and sniffles.

 

[Desiresdestiny]

((Bubzilla))

I used to have cookie monster too and loved him!!!!

 

[Sazza]

I am sleeping too much at the moment, changed antidepressant last week as new one meant be more stimulant. Up to now though i am still sleeping every given opportunity so i havent gained any benefit yet from the new medication. Hope works soon.

 

[Ruckster]

I don't sleep. I probably average 2 1/2 to 3 hours each night. I don't want sleeping pills (been there/ done that/ not a good plan for me!). My T tells me the way to fix the sleep is too talk through the trauma.

I never told a soul for 37 years. Now I have explained MOST of it to him. It took five months of weekly sessions. I find I can tell the easy parts, the parts before and after the attack, but I can't tell the dark parts. I finally struggled and squirmed and cried and vomited and explained it sort of "quick once thru".
My T has let me off the hook for a few weeks now, but he said next week we will talk about it again. I said, "I think I told you all of it." He said, "Tell me the parts you left out."

 

[Ruckster]

:O_o: Omg, I am so exhausted!!! :( It's been 3 days and 2 nts. without any sleep whatsoever and I could just collapse. I do so hope I find sleep tonight. :unsure:

How are you doing now... Have you slept any?

 

[HëllaBubz]

I need to go back and see my T, but because I can only have 8 visits per year, its hard.
I used to sleep really really poorly, like you Ruckster, but I've gotten to the point now where I'm sleeping a lot, but needing more of it just to get decent amount of quality sleep to function.

 

[Ruckster]

I love your avatar Bubz! Oscar is Fabulous. I want to get to the point where I am sleeping a lot. I sometimes wonder how it is even possible to function on so little sleep for a whole year. No wonder PTSD people have short term memories and feel like they are in a fog all the time. lol

 

[HëllaBubz]

Yes, I know what you mean Ruckster, the first 2 years for me were absolute hell, and I can only imagine what it was like for my partner. My memory is getting a little better now, my meds have kicked in, and are the only thing that allow me to function coherently, although sometimes the stress levels get to the point where even the meds can't manage my symptoms!

Any yes, I love Oscar, he is grumpy, smelly, but wears his trash can with the best style!