Supporter Husband Of Wife With Ptsd

[Never Give Up]

Just an update: today I was called by our local police to come in for an investigation. I had mentioned that I had turned in a bunch of older and unused pills which had my name and my wife's name on them. Last week my wife had filed a report against me and I had to go in and explain my situation. I have been accused of throwing away my wife's cancer backup meds. I offered to buy her more, I have been accused intentionally keeping her drugs away from her which is not true. I had just asked her to get off the meds to see if it would improve her mental state. I have a possible felony against me now since 'I stole" someone else's controlled substance in my own house. This means that I will lose my job, lose my insurance, hunting license and affect any future job. I was forced to obtain an attorney and move out of my house. My pastor thought that would be the best suggestion since she is trying to create drama.

I just cannot fathom why this is all happening.

 

[Echo]

@Never Give Up - maybe it is for the best. I hope you manage to get your attorney to defend you properly. Painful as it is, maybe it is time to call a halt on your relationship for the time being, before anything worse happens. I am so sorry to hear it has come to this.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Simply amazing. Unimaginable. My heart and prayers are going up for you now. My heart breaks for you. You can really relate to how Jesus felt the day after he washed Judas' feet. Betrayal. Remember you name "Never Give Up". I believe you wife is on the verge of a 180 change.

 

[Never Give Up]

Jesus cured diseases, raised the dead, fed may. I am excited to see where this journey takes me. I know He can do all. 180 change may happen before it is final.

 

[mywifestrigger]

One of the reasons this website is so beneficial, for me, is that the comments, thoughts, advice, and counsel, that I give, causes me to consider the very counsel that I give to others, as counsel that I am confronted, to consider, for my very own circumstance. Another way to say this is, Hebrews 13 verse 2.

I am challenged to consider my counsel and to be accountable to my very counsel to others as counsel to myself. I must answer the question, "am I entertaining angels, and unaware of the fact that my counsel to others is ironically, counsel to myself?"

After 37 years of marriage, where does my responsibility for caring for my wife begin? Where does my responsibility for my wife end? Does cherishing my wife, by definition, require me to endure hardship? Sure, it does. But how much hardship?

Does Jesus really want us to lay down our lives for our wives, friends? What does laying down our lives for our wives look like? Am I insane for enduring hardship for a person, my wife, that continues to betray me?

For example, I, personally, have endured great financial loss, for enduring my wifes' PTSD, bad behavior, medical issues, mental issues, or whatever category the manifestations of the behavior fall into. I have endured great emotional and great physical distress for enduring my wife's behavior. At what point do I cease being a loving husband and become an enabler for her bad behavior?

At what point do I proclaim, "Enough!" it is finished. Or, do I ever have the right, or responsibility to ever declare that I have done enough. I am not my wife's Messiah. The job of being my wife's Messiah is already filled for her in her relationship to Jesus.

 

[Never Give Up]

@mywifestrigger - you are in a spiritual battle and I can see that you are torn between staying and severing a long lasting relationship. Your situation is unique and you have endured many dark valley's of betrayal. Consider this....are you afraid to be alone, or do you feel obligated to suffer more harm until you cannot take care you yourself. You could be just a heart attack away from receiving more damage. Stress can kill you.

Would you consider moving out for a week and allow your wife to calm down from her "trigger" and see how she feels after a small break. It might do you both good. I am not sure if you have tried this option yet but you really need to take care of yourself so you can endure your own symptoms during your battle. I will be praying for your family and I know "we" cannot fix our wives emotional conditions unless they are willing to deal with them first.

 

[mywifestrigger]

True. What about you and your decision? I was writing for both of us. This is not ALL me. This is life. Betrayal is a silver stake in the heart.

 

[Never Give Up]

@mywifestrigger - I have moved out just for a week or so. (Day 3) I personally feel tremendous guilt not being at home, and on the other side when I was home I was ignored by my wife and daughter and felt that isolated acceptance of aloneness. When I was at home I was looking and trying to avoid confrontations which would find me eventually.

If you step away for a small period of time it may help you both. She would have no one to manipulate with her anger and she would see the consequences of her actions towards YOU. I am not saying to just walk away and wash your hands of marriage yet. Just step outside the danger zone and get some help for yourself. Surround yourself around positive people, do not let your wife consume your joy and hope every minute you are home. I have noticed when I a happy and she sees that I am happy, that is when she closes in on me and starts to change the mood with the passive/aggressive actions which puts me back into a depressed mode.

My wife actually likes me not being at home. She is now able to exhale somewhat and maybe that will allow her to remove herself from the paranoid state she has been under. FYI- my neighbor had spoken to the police chief about me returning the pills to the police and he does not think that he can convict me of a felony since it is his her word against mine. Now, I need to be cautious not to provide ammo for my wife and try to focus on salvaging our marriage.

My parents are doing everything they can to keep me staying with them since they know what has been happening with our marriage. At 41 years old, it just seems odd to be back home. I had left their house at 19 had gotten married and I have not been back since. I just hope and pray that if I return back to my house soon, that there will be peace without the suffering.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Again, thank you for the encouragement. The first time my wife left, was three years ago. I had made a terrible mistake and had gone with her to our church, and received advice from our pastor to let an older woman in the church "counsel" my wife. This woman, convinced my wife over the term of 5 months, that I had emotionally abused her for our entire life together. This spiritual "witch" convinced my wife that she should separate from me for six months.

Before my wife left the first time, she errupted into an angry rant against me and our younger two sons, age 17 and 19 at the time. Her angry rant lasted 2 1/2 hours against me and our sons. At the end of her rant she told me that I needed to leave the house. At that time, I said that I would move into another room, but that I was not leaving our house. She then went into a rant again, and to this day, rails against that I did not "man up" and leave so that she could stay in the house. She was gone about 8 weeks, then came back with demands.

The second time she left was three months after she told me that she needed a brand new car. I had purchased the car and she left and was gone for about two months again after being on a road trip down through Florida.

The last time, about one year after her surgery, and recovery from breast cancer, she left me, went to Florida again and met up with her brother's friend to have sex with him. She called me crying after the sex and I went and got her. However, driving back she was texting the man that she had sex with. She continued texting and calling him, I discovered later.

The witch that was counseling her, was suggesting to my wife that she needed to legally separate from me. I agreed to it initially, however, after I began counseling with the counselor that encouraged me to never give up, I cancelled the legal separation after she had left. Three days after she left, I discovered that she had planned to continue her adultery with the man, had driven to his house in her new car, and had sex with him again.

Separation, is not the answer. One thing that I am convinced that I did correct and would not change is that I never left her, she left me. So I would encourage you to go back to your house, go back to your daughter, and go back to your wife. Never give up and never leave your wife. If your wife chooses to leave you, then that is between her and God. Stay faithful and stay put.

 

[Never Give Up]

I do have plans to move back into the house soon. This week my son is home from a college break and if I was home my wife would sleep on the couch vs. sleeping in the same bed, so I will remain out of the house. I noticed that her motives are starting to get a bit more aggressive and I am concerned that she may end up physically harming me while I am sleeping. There had been an incident where she came into my room in the early hours of the morning and she was standing over me before I woke up. She just came in to tell me something that hurt her 15 years prior. What is next...and knife to the chest.

If I am out of the house she has no agenda against me. I am scared to death that if I am still married into the summer months, we will have no children present and being alone with her in this condition is damaging and unhealthy. She has too much time on her hands to hurt others vs. getting help.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Stay encouraged brother and never give up. Don't ever allow your wife to ever know that you have any fear from her at all. Remember, perfect love casts out fear. Our enemy always tries to use fear to undermine our confidence in our Lord Jesus.
I am writing this as much for myself as for you.

One thing that works in an amazing way that still astounds me, is that when my wife goes into an angry rant, when I keep calm, on those times, when I simply look her in the eyes and proclaim in a calm voice, "In the name of Jesus, I command this, for example, you lying spirit to be silent, in Jesus' name, she becomes quiet." Amazing. Simply speaking, and confronting the misbehavior really works.

 

[Never Give Up]

@mywifestrigger - I have been keep in touch with my son by phone who is home this week from college on break. He told me yesterday that he has noticed an improvement in her behaviour and general attitude. I am not sure what he noticed but that seemed encouraging to me. My only fear is that...is she better because I am not around and I am her "trigger", or with time and no confrontations, is she getting better on her own.

I have had those "in the name of moments" you mentioned in your recent post. I noticed when I was reading scripture she would not confront me or disrupt into her rants. I noticed that...so I would be in the Bible more often for myself just to keep the peace.

I have noticed that with all this stuff happening in our lives, I have my own "trigger" issues that had been forming on my own. Since I relocated for a few weeks those issues are not there anymore and I am starting to feel human again. I got to admit....I am so lonely and miss the normal interactions of a wife and companion.