I don't know how to cope with physical mail

[Ava Jarvis]

I am freaking out today because I know I have to check the mail box because there is stuff in there that is financially important

I have never been good with the mail box. I pick out the important stuff and the rest accumulates in boxes

This has been going on for some time

I'm panicking and not doing well

Also I have a package on my door step

The package was sent by nobody I know -- probably it's a company that doesn't like to tell FedEx their address on forms -- it's probably not anything threatening or dangerous

Trigger is because while I was at college as a grad student and had cut off contact with my parents, my father sent me death threats in the mail. My mother sent me packages in the mail, apparently gifts in an attempt to win me back.

So yeah all kinds of f*cked up there.

Eventually I'll just pick up the stuff but the anxiety and fear are so thick it hurts

I don't know how to make it go away

 

[hodge]

I have the same trigger, Ava. Physical mail, email, the phone, you name it. All of it makes me jump.

I'm so sorry you had a father that did that. That's just unbelievably awful.

Have you considered getting a P.O. Box? Would it help if you could open your mail in a neutral place with other people around?

Just a thought.

 

[Friday]

Have you thought about using a mail service?

A post office box as your mailing address, instead of your physical address as your mailing address? That way you could deliberately choose when you're going to have to deal with the mail (aka do some stress reduction before, get it all over with in one feel swoop, stress reduction & symptom management after). So, too, could start ordering yourself things from amazon, so what mail delivery you have? Is something to look forward to. :)

IME It's that level of control, being able to choose what/how much/when & for how long something lasts for that turns a thing from dealing with being triggered, to dealing with the trigger itself (chipping away at it, until it's no longer a trigger at all).

((As someone who has re routed mail several times, for various reasons... It's a little tricky to stop all delivery. It is possible, however. Change of address with the postal service, plus "stop delivery" -so junk mail or things addressed to "resident" don't keep being delivered- (what people do when going on vacation) gets most of it. Placing a sticky on the inside of your box "no mail delivery" gets most of the rest of it.))

 

[EveHarrington]

I understand your struggles. I've had mail issues myself (and phone and voicemail and-----).

Do you have anyone who could help you tackle your mail backlog? Sometimes it's easier when someone is helping us. I had help for a number of years myself.

Would it also help if you started getting fun mail as a way to show that it can be enjoyable to get things in the mail? Maybe by ordering something you've always wanted online, or signing up for fun freebies. It's not much but it's nice to get cool free stuff in the mail from time to time.

 

[hodge]

Yes, I had a social worker who would come to my house once a week to help me with mail and then stay in case I had to make any phone calls. She would start the call for me. It really helped.

 

[Ocean5]

There are private mail services that will scan outside of mail, and send image by email. Or you can login to see what is there. Have destroyed or important stuff sent. Great way to protect your location. I can PM you one if you want. Destroy mail is great option.

Sry about your dad. I went far away for college. Only person with my address was my mom to protect me from my father. Even that was college P.O. Box...

 

[joeylittle]

I have the same challenge, @Ava Jarvis - not constantly, but often enough.

Remember that you can break it all down into small steps. Ask yourself - what is the smallest step I can take towards getting the mail out of the box. And if that is pulling out a bag to put it all in and hanging the bag by the door - great! That's all it needs to be today. Next step could be just pulling it out and dropping it in the bag.

I know when I get overwhelmed with something, it's because I can't see how to fully complete it. But breaking it into the smallest steps, and knowing that all I have to do is just one of those, no more - really helps. I try and pat myself on the back for taking that small step, too.

 

[Heather]

I have the same problem.....opening mail. Sometimes it just sits, for days. Especially bills, can't face opening them Ugh!

I hope you know you are not alone with this.

Hugs.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

Hi everybody, thank you for the support and suggestions.

I'm really really terrible at physical mail.

So I got my mail and put it in a bag and it's sitting with all the other mail. At least I know where it is, and the strata are roughly date-sorted... I can try to go through them tomorrow. Or at least the ones in the last two weeks. Some of the other financially important stuff has not yet arrived, but some of it is going to be slow to arrive, so that's ok.

The package was one I was expecting. But sigh. The gizmo in there is not one I have spoons to set up. Another entry in my planner... Thank gods for my planner. My lousy, self-drawn planner that doesn't even look official but it works for being my external memory. I write down things in it I need to do.

I gotta figure out how to add tasks to process my mail.

And process all the empty boxes in the garage. And the house. And clean the kitchen.

ARGH

Okay all the house stuff is totally another thread at some point. Maybe I will even write it down as something to ask about on the forum in the future.

Argh

 

[Fadeaway]

This is such a huge issue for me, worse my husband who doesn't have PTSD has the same issue, so our mail only gets checked about once a month, unless we are waiting on something positive.

My husband may not have PTSD but his dad certianly screwed with his head when it comes to money issues and bills. The one time he asked his dad for financial help his dad told him "If you can't pay your bills, die." So yeah, mail is dirty word in our house.

 

[cupfish]

Right with you. I posted a thread awhile back called, "Paying bills is so scary!" and we are totally not alone in fear of the post office, mail and deliveries, voicemail (terrifying), emails and whomever else wants to reach out and punish me. This is when you have to sit back and on a very twisted level, laugh at yourself. Our PTSD journeys and daily trials/tribulations are just so ridiculous, so overwhelmingly emotional and frequently misplaced and dumb. Insidious. Eat ice cream I say.

 

[Deleted member 34424]

Can you get someone go get your mail for you?

Train a puppy to fetch ;)