General I Fear I'm Somewhat Co-dependent??

[A13]

Hi guys,

I've been really trying to work on me lately. I'm on this new journey of self discovery and trying to focus on my needs for a change. (which I have been struggling with) I've been doing a lot of reading on Co dependency. I fear I do possess some of the traits. I would like to look some more into it, I certainly don't want to be an enabler and recently I've realised I'm run down and more stressed than usual.

My mum is an alcoholic and i wonder is thst where this stems from.

I may be looking too much into it, but the fact that I show a few of the traits is making me question it. Has anyone else considered this?
How do I start to address it it I am in a co-dependant relationship?
Is there advice thst I can seek from a professional?

Advice appreciated.

 

[EveHarrington]

No advice but you might want to ask mods to fix your title. It gives the impression that this is a legal matter not a relationship matter. (Co-defendant)

 

[Friday]

Some people call it co-dependency, some call it teamwork. ;)

To my mind, whether it's co-dependent or not, the bottom line is : How is it affecting your life, positively or negatively, and how do you want your life to look?

Boundaries are pretty foundational, in dealing with the negative aspects.

 

[omshanti]

Yeah, it looks like this thread title has a typo and is indeed about codependency. :)

I'm not a professional, but I do have codependent tendencies stemming from being raised by two alcoholics, so I'll gladly share what I've learned.

If you chronically put others' needs before your own, you may have codependent tendencies. It seems like you've done some reading and already realize that that may be you sometimes. First, take heart because codependency is generally considered to be a behavior or habit and not a disease, so it can be changed. From what I've read and experienced, you get better by consciously changing behaviors that aren't serving you.

I recently checked out the books Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie, and although they are from the '80s, I found them helpful and timeless. I discussed the books and what I was learning about myself with my therapist, and she helped me hone in on a few ways that I can "check in with myself" every day to make sure I'm meeting my own needs first and foremost. This seems simple, but it was unnatural for me. I'm happy to report that it's becoming easier and that my marriage is actually improving by me becoming more self-aware and, yes, self-centered (as in: centered in myself).

There are also recovery groups in most places; you can find them by searching for Codependents Anonymous. Beattie highly recommends these groups, but I haven't attended any myself so I can't give any feedback on them. However, Beattie shares many of the group's tips, and I remind myself of their advice regularly, simple phrases such as "Easy does it" and "One day at a time."

I wish you the best on this journey. Change is very positive...and possible.

 

[A13]

@EveHarrington sorry, using a tablet that autocorrects every thing!! My bad!! Il look into getting it changed, Thanks

@FridayJones and @omshanti thank you for your comments. They are very helpful, I definitely think I show some of the tendencies! I think I will look into those groups in my area. I was attending an Al anon group and it sounds somewhat similar in those slogans!
I think the books may also be worth the read. I think knowledge is power and to allow myself to change I need to educate myself more on the matter, a group ideally would be super to meet like people!!
Thanks so much for commenting!!
Amber

 

[Sweetpea76]

I fixed the title... Autocorrect strikes again!

 

[A13]

Thanks @Sweetpea76 :)