I Need Help....:(

[Deleted member 32731]

Dearest Emotional. There is no shame in being scared or of admitting that one is not invincible. I so...

It's just really, really scary. And the worst part is, I have no idea why.

 

[shimmerz]

It's just really, really scary.

Yes, it is. Because bullying is dangerous for the target. Not having someone who hears your scared is scary. Feeling trapped is scary. So many of the feelings of the situation you are describing are scary. That is probably why it seems so BIG SCARY. Because there are many scary elements to it. :hug: So if nothing else, know that you are not reacting 'stupidly' or out of proportion.

 

[Deleted member 32731]

My dad, he got upset because I apparently acted like people were ready to beat me up when this girl told me to watch out and he didn't find it a big deal. Well it is a big deal to me! My friend tells me that this is really serious, the feelings I have, but I'm just like, "My dad doesn't think it's a big deal!"
sigh.......
@shimmerz

 

[Neverthesame]

I was bullied at your age too. Does anyone know you are leaving in a few days?

If not, I'd suggest keeping it quiet. Less likely anyone will give you a "send off".

As for how to make it through the next few days?
One minute at a time.

 

[Deleted member 32731]

I was bullied at your age too. Does anyone know you are leaving in a few days?

If not, I'd suggest...

Nobody knows and I'd never tell them. Heck, I can't even ask them to move out of the way so I can get to my locker without feeling anxious.

 

[Justmehere]

Didn't help that when I got beat up at the bus stop, a million people were there RECORDING THE WHOLE THING.
I got harassed for a few days afterwards.

This is pretty serious. People sometime blow off events like this, thinking kids will be kids, but getting beat up is a really serious event. Especially when no one really supported you, during or after this event. One of the strongest predictive factors for an event to lead to later symptoms isn't always the severity of the event, but the invalidation of the people around you. It makes it a lot harder for the brain and body to get through it.

You didn't deserve this, and it's not your fault.

My parents are transferring me to cyberschool but I have to wait til next week and I have no idea how I'll make it through these last few days. Drives many anxiety attacks and behavioral problems-then I'm in trouble like usual lol

It's good your parents are willing to consider other schooling options, and sounds like they do know there is some kind of problem on some level.

I can't see a therapist. The one I was seeing was booked, and I don't want to ask my parents to look into another one because I want to seem strong and I don't want to admit I may have a problem....

It's just so hard for me to think, "Maybe I'm not invincible"..:(

It's just really, really scary. And the worst part is, I have no idea why.

It is really hard for MOST people to admit they need help. It's admitting we are at risk of being hurt.

Almost everyone needs help at one time or another. The most brave people, the strongest people, are the ones who know it and try to dare to try to say they need help and reach out to others.

You had the courage to reach out here, say you need help, and I'm proud of you for doing that. I do hope that you find a way to reach out to your parents, or maybe even call that therapist and ask them for help finding a new therapist and getting your parents on board with that.

It's really hard, and it might feel scary to do, but it's worth it.

 

[Deleted member 32731]

This is pretty serious. People sometime blow off events like this, thinking kids will be kids, but ge...

For the first part, my friends also blamed it on me saying I started the whole thing. They apologized later on but I'm sure I'd already heard enough to believe.
And my friend convinced me to tell my parents along with all of you. I'm going to see a therapist but, they think I need medication, and I've had nasty side effects and I just don't want to take medication.

I know you're probably not a mental health professional, but do you have any idea why I am so afraid of anything having to do with violence?

 

[Neverthesame]

Good, your almost through it. You can do it.

Just keep breathing. Getting bullied sucks, I didn't figure out until way too late, that I would have to fight back. When I did, I put a kid in the hospital, but it still didn't help much.

Had I fought back sooner it would have made a big difference. The year ended, then I went to a new school. Things got better after that.

It will get better. Try to keep positive.

 

[Neverthesame]

do you have any idea why I am so afraid of anything having to do with violence?

Because violence is frightening. You had said that the other girl who was picking the fight with you had some sort of martial arts training?

Violence is scary as it is, more so when you're outnumbered and outgunned.

 

[Justmehere]

I know you're probably not a mental health professional, but do you have any idea why I am so afraid of anything having to do with violence?

You are right, that no one here can really figure it all out in terms of any diagnosis you might have. I'm really glad you are going to go see a new therapist. As for being afraid of violence - it makes sense to me. You experienced an event of some violence.

It also sounds like you had anxiety before all of this, and now that anxiety is understandably worse.

You have a real struggle with anxiety that has been made worse by some real situations you have been through. Finding a really good therapist with experience in anxiety is a really important step. There are a ton of very effective treatments for anxiety symptoms, including being really scared of perceived and/or real possibilities of violence. The therapies ususally take some time, and a bit of hard work, but I think you can do it. You have a ton of insight and self awareness, far beyond what most young people your age have. You are also really bright and resourceful.

You may or may not need meds. It stinks your parents are jumping to that solution and missing the importance of at least doing therapy at the same time. Meds do come with some drawbacks, but sometimes can be worth it. I have been on a few meds that were a doozy, until I found one that really helped. But meds are not for everyone.

Right now, focus on just the next step of seeing the therapist. If your parents end up taking you to a doctor for meds, you can tell the doctor you want to do therapy, and about any concerns you have about taking medications.

No matter the reason why you feel anxious, there things you can do now to manage the anxiety until you get into therapy to sort everything out. Google or search these forums (there is a search option at the top) for "grounding techniques" or check out DBTselfhelp.com. Grounding and DBT skills are things you can start working on learning now to begin to find a little relief from the anxiety. Grounding and DBT skills are used for a number of symptoms for a number of mental health struggles, especially anxiety and fear.

And good work for reaching out to a friend and talking to your parents! Way to go!

 

[Deleted member 32731]

You are right, that no one here can really figure it all out in terms of any diagnosis you might have...

I had severe anxiety at a pretty young age, I was diagnosed by a professional too. So, that really exacerbated my reactions since I already had bad anxiety.
Thanks haha, even though I certainly don't feel insightful. More so crazy would be the word.
They don't only say meds, meds and therapy, but something in me does not want meds. I don't know why. Probably because I had a pretty bad experience (anger issues causing me to throw a photo of my mom and i-she thought i wanted to hurt them but i didn't, just threw random stuff. i began worrying that i wanted to hurt my family and emotionally beat myself up)
So no, not good experiences.
Thanks for the suggestion! I'll search it.

 

[Deleted member 32731]

Good, your almost through it. You can do it.

Just keep breathing. Getting bullied sucks, I didn't...

It's really hard because I worry about having an anxiety attack from people threatening me, I did once in class and I was sobbing, I got taunted for it and it's like "I couldn't help it."
I just wish I didn't have to be so miserable and on-guard all the time, it's exhausting:(