Dom Violence I need someone to verify reality for me

[Angrboda]

I guess this goes here. I don't know. I think my fiance is mentally unstable. Or ex-fiance, I don't know anymore. I was brainwashed by my abuser to believe that I had no grasp on reality. My fiance's behavior has been backing that up. He's been acting really effed up, and is trying to convince me that his behavior is rational. I don't think it is. For example, I told him that it was freaking me out that he could watch my family be severely abusive towards me then act like nothing was happening. I told him that if he cared about me then seeing people hurt me should upset him. It would upset me if I had to watch someone I cared about being abused. He repeated back what I had said to him which was just about word for word what I said above, then said that meant I was urging him to kill people and that it meant I was crazy. Is that true? He also said that contacting the DA's office as I was told to do was vigilante justice and also somehow promoting murder. Am I crazy or is he nuts? Because he's making me feel nuts and calling me crazy and twisting everything I say into some really f*cked up thing which is making me feel like my abuser was right when he demonized me. My fiance's behavior towards me has gotten so effed up that every day I wish I had stayed imprisoned by my abuser because the torture he put me through was less upsetting than this. Is he right? Am I crazy? Is his response to what I said normal? I don't know anymore.

 

[somerandomguy]

It doesn't sound normal to me. It sounds horrible.

However ... I've learned for myself that my paranoia makes it really difficult to judge what loved ones are actually saying vs. my perception of what they are saying. I often think my wife is belittling me, for example, even when it's not actually true, due to constant belittling in previous, abusive relationships. I'm not saying this is happening to you at all - just describing my own reactions.

 

[Angrboda]

He flat out told me that I was trying to get him to murder people. It wasn't just my frakked up perceptions. Those are his exact words.

And he said he's never been able to love me because his brother killed his wife. I don't think that was my fault. He does.

Also, I may be a little drunk. The only friend I had just died. Forgive me if I'm weird because of that.

 

[somerandomguy]

Then that's totally f*cked up, unless you actually were trying to get him to murder people.

I'm not sure how someone killing someone else could possibly be your fault.

 

[Angrboda]

I don't either. It happened before I met him. I never even met those people. But he blames me for it. He blames me for everything. And I didn't want anyone at all murdered. I was only asking for empathy. I didn't want Christine dead either. She was beautiful. I don't understand how leukemia is my fault, but he thinks it is. He flushed my engagement ring down the toilet. I'm very confused right now.

 

[somerandomguy]

Ok, this is sounding more and more like an abusive situation to me.

Is there anywhere you can go right now to get yourself out of this situation?

 

[Kubash16]

Ya none of this is cool, do you have any trusted family or friends nearby that you can get to or can come to you?

 

[Angrboda]

There is not. The police asked the same thing after he headbutted me and almost knocked my teeth out and almost broke my nose.

He's just extra messed up since our friend died.

 

[Kubash16]

If he’s been violent before and you are having this hard of a time with him right now and have no one around, can you call the police right now to help you over to a shelter or something?

Being messed up after someone dying is one thing, getting violent and abusive is a whole other ball game and unforgivable.

 

[somerandomguy]

Ok. You know you're in an abusive situation, right?

If you are in the USA you need to call the Domestic Violence Hotline immediately. They will help you find a shelter. 1−800−799−7233.

 

[Kubash16]

Please please call them. Or the police. Or someone who can get you out.

 

[Angrboda]

The police said if they have to come back they'll arrest someone.