Dom Violence I need someone to verify reality for me

[Kubash16]

Can you fib that you need to run to the store to grab tampons (or something else he won’t be interested in) and get out of the house long enough to call for numbers above?

 

[Angrboda]

I wish I was in Czechia. I have known people from eastern Europe and they're the most wonderful caring people I've ever met in my life. My neighbor has family there and said the same thing. I'm not there now. I just really want to go there. People are less cold and apathetic than most people here.

 

[Kubash16]

Or can you order a pizza online and in the notes section explain your situation briefly so that they can call the police?

Where are you located then?

 

[somerandomguy]

Yes, I'll try to find some numbers for you if you tell me what country you're in. But you need to get to safety.

 

[Angrboda]

I'm in the US, but the police said the only place for me to go is a homeless shelter. I talked to someone when my torturer was abusing me who said that she was raped there. It isn't safe. Why is he doing this to me? Why is leukemia my fault? Why do I deserve to have him hurt me? I don't understand.

 

[Kubash16]

You’ve got to calm down a bit. Frankly you can get raped anywhere. Most likely in your current home. I’ve lived in a shelter. It’s scary and uncomfortable and yes bad things can happen just like they can happen anywhere. You can’t let the fear of a potential rape keep in a situation where you may end up dead.

You didn’t answer though, are there children in the house?

 

[somerandomguy]

Really, call the Hotline. I gave you the number. They WILL help.

I'm stepping out of this thread. I really want you to be safe. Please do the right thing for yourself.

 

[Angrboda]

I won't get raped here. He hasn't touched me in two years. He invited me to move in then he started acting all effed up as soon as I did. He hasn't touched me since then. He puts a pile of pillows in the middle of our bed so I don't ever get near him. He wouldn't touch me. I disgust him. There are no children. Only me.

And I won't end up dead. I'll drive my spear through his face if he tries to hurt me again.

I just needed to know that he was hurting me and it wasn't my fault. This is his shit. It isn't my fault, and I have a right to defend myself.

 

[Kubash16]

I’m going to try one last time and then it’s up to you.

Since there are no children (this is a really, really good thing) it will be easier for you to get out. You have to separate yourself from him emotionally and look at these things objectively. The little you have posted are highly abusive and he should be in jail. Just because he hasn’t touched you in a while does not mean a rape is not possible. Rape equals power which he has exerted other ways so far but when he realizes you are trying to leave, that can change. You have to remember that. Rape has nothing to do with sex or desire and everything to do with power. I still think you should try the pizza idea. Put in the notes that you need them to call 911 for you and use the cash at delivery option so you don’t have to worry about the money issue. It’s been done before in the US and it works. Yes you will be taken to a shelter. But that’s temporary and safe from him. Is there a potential to get raped there? Of course. But the same potential is there when you go grocery shopping or walk into work or any number of situations. So fear of it keeping you in this situation is going to get you killed. You may think he’s not capable of killing you, but escalation always happens and headbutting is already pretty escalated. I don’t know how else to help you. You’ve been given all the tools. It’s up to you now.

I’d be incredibly careful about defending yourself. That is a very quick way to end up dead intentionally or accidentally.

 

[Justmehere]

Please be advised, MyPTSD is not a domestic violence crisis service. We are an international peer support forum for PTSD.

If there is a threat to your safety, then you need to contact local services that can assist. If you don’t trust the police enough to contact them, then you can contact your local domestic violence shelter or safehouse. You can find them using your search engine of choice. You do not deserve to be hurt because someone else can’t hack their grief and emotions. Most domestic violence crisis services can help considerably and they often have victim advocates that can help navigate all that is happening.

It’s not reasonable to expect an old professor find you a place to stay on Thanksgiving day in the US.

Planning violent self defense while refusing to even leave or call for help is also not reasonable and might be part of why the police are threatening to arrest one of you.

I strongly advise stepping away from continuing to drunk post online and to instead get on the ground help locally. It’s difficult to follow what’s going on, and none of us are there in person to provide the validation you are seeking here.

 

[EveHarrington]

Why do so many people hurt me if there isn't anything wrong with me? Isn't that proof that I'm defective, that there's something wrong with me? I think I deserve it.

No. It’s proof that there are a LOT of cruel, messed up people in the world who have no problems taking advantage of others.

I think it would be a good idea to make a list of red flags so that you can recognize them faster/easier in relationships.

Please get away from this guy as fast as you can.

:hug: