I Need To Leave. Can't Do This Anymore.

[Padfoot]

My 10 year old has 2 weeks left of school for this term, then 1 term left of Year 4 so I feel trapped because as a teacher myself, I know how it will affect her to move her now. But for my own personal safety I really need to go. What would you do? My anxiety is through the roof and will only get worse, but her education is also important :(

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Hi Padfoot. First of all, I'm very sorry you have to go through this. Perhaps you already posted it elsewhere, but why do you feel so scared where you are now? Were you traumatized in this neighbourhood, are you being threatened by someone? What triggers your anxiety so badly?( I'm only asking this for some context, I'm not being sceptical.)

It's obvious you have your child's best interest at heart and that you're trying to do the right thing here. Are you seeing a therapist at the moment?

However, you must also consider the effect your extreme anxiety has on your child. Children feel it when their parent feels unsafe and adjust their own behaviour to that feeling. So the question is: does the amount of anxiety relief you can get when you move weigh out the negative consequences of your child changing schools?

If you don't already go to a therapist, I strongly recommend you start seeing one. Talk about what you feel and what causes those feelings. Perhaps some (extra) support can change things enough for you to be able to stay in the same place while getting rid of some of that horrible anxiety.

I hope this helps a little. I wish you the best of luck with all this.

 

[nomedic1]

If its for your own personal safety leave now.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Obviously I don't know your personal circumstances any more than that you were in court the other day, nor do I have any particularly helpful advice, but I just wanted to say, I understand why you want to move for safety reasons (I myself would want to be on the furthest corner of the globe to feel some tiny sense of safety) and I think you will make the right decision either way, because it will not help your child to see you so negatively affected, even more so than changing schools. I hope that you can find some sense of peace and safety whichever you decide and know that neither decision is wrong. Safe hugs if wanted.xx

 

[a3a2]

Padfoot, you are a teacher. You can help your child with her education. But in order for a child to learn, he/she must feel safe.

 

[Padfoot]

We're not at physical risk here, it's the psychological torment. My daughter is well settled into school, she joined a netball team that had their last game of the season last night, she's doing dancing and training for the end of year concert, she's in the school choir and just sang at Eisteddford, she joined the swimming team. We moved here following the assault but it was the wrong choice.

 

[bell]

Oh, @Padfoot, I'm sorry that it's gotten this bad. But 2 things: 1) if you mean "go," you mean the permanent option, go to the hospital and 2) could it be that court is just acting as the mother of all triggers? I.e., if it's a reaction to a trigger, it *will* get better.

Y'know sometimes when things get really bad I think about that story of Odysseus (can't remember if it's from the Iliad or the Odyssey), when he gets tied to the mast to keep him from the Sirens. I think of myself "tied to the mast" and stay where I am and work on feeling safe until I do. (Sometimes it requires a nap/night of sleep to reboot myself.)

At any rate, take care of yourself and your family. And, as I've said before, as those flight attendants always remind us, you gotta put that oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else. So do what you need to do now so you can be a better, stronger person to take care of them later.

 

[Padfoot]

Oh no no, I don't mean the permanent option, we are moving at the end of the school year, it was the wrong thing to do to come here first but I didn't know what I was doing, I was in a state of shock, then my daughter was established in school and thriving so I decided to stick around for the year.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

We're not at physical risk here, it's the psychological torment.

I'm glad you're not in any physical danger, even though the psychological torment is like a hell on earth (like everyone here, I know what that's like). Unfortunately, it isn't going to go away if you move somewhere else. You already moved away from the assault and yet look at how you're feeling right now. I know how attractive the option to move away is, but it's not really going to help you. I know how harsh this sounds, but your trauma is going to keep haunting you, even if you move to the other side of the earth. You need help processing this, and plenty of support from friends and family or perhaps a therapy group with people who know what you're going through. Only then will you learn to feel safe again.

Also, I am not a doctor, but my antidepressants really very much helped me. Perhaps your GP or a psychiatrist can give you something that will help you take the sharp edges of the anxiety and make the place you live a little more bearable.

 

[Padfoot]

I should never have moved here, I moved from here at 17 (now in my 30s) for a reason and now am back, totally unrelated but making it harder to deal with what needs to be dealt with. I'm on meds for anxiety, but living in a place with a lot of tension. It was wrong to return here but I had no other place to go in the state I was in.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

To me it sounds as if you know the answer already, but you're trying to find another way around the unavoidable fact that your daughter has a good school life there. Is she old enough to talk about moving with her, to get a better understanding of how she feels on the matter? Or perhaps you already know she doesn't want to leave? But would leaving be better than staying in the short or long term for you both as a family? If it was wrong to return and you're not happy there now, then surely leaving is the right choice. Even if you don't move straight away, maybe the knowledge that you've made the decision to move at some point will give you a little relief?

 

[Padfoot]

She has Autism. It's better for her to have stability at school. It's better for me to leave, this place is really bad for me but at the same time it's not bad for her.