Walking Dead-
This is a bit off the name but does pertain.
I hope it is ok to post here.
I feel like Im dead inside some of the time, other times living with fear of everything.
My sister just passed away last week from pancreatic cancer. We suffered the same symptoms for a long time. We both had tests including endoscopy's. We were both told we had Gerd, etc and we both have some arthritis in our back. I have been blessed with pain meds by my dr and her dr gave her nothing. We have both lost over 20 pounds this year. She went to ER in May and they found masses in pancreas, liver and both lungs. Five weeks from diagnosis to death. So far, I just have a bunch of beneign stuff diagnosed.
I saw her 2 weeks before she died. She lives 8 hr drive away. The night before I left, I had heart to heart talk with her. The good bye talk in case I did not get back before she passed even though she passed the day I was traveling to see her. It was a beautiful talk that I wont share here. But I did tell her that I would be coming soon behind her, and she said she knew that, and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she believed it. I said it because I honestly believe it. I would never lie to a dying person. It was a spontaneous comment that I realized and she did too. I do believe that the ptsd has stolen our physical health.
She had ptsd too but never said so, and I dont think she really knew as she didnt believe in counseling or seeking help. She was my soul sister. Since her death, I am getting physically worse daily. I have not been able to eat for days and the pain is excruciating. I can hardly stand, it is as though my spine has collapsed. I cant be touched. I am all but dead.