Wondering if this is a mild to severe trigger for anyone else. But irrational people give me panic attacks. My issues are mostly from childhood abuse, so I know that probably factors in. My parents were very unstable and irrational.
Working as a cashier in a convenience store, I encountered this a lot. Customers were often irrational / unreasonable and angry, and it made me feel like I was constantly be challenged to fights or something. As one of many examples, there were two sources of liquid vanilla coffee creamer: the pump machine (had bags of creamer inside and you pumped it into your cup), and the little creamer cups that you open and pour. It was early in the morning, I had a long line, things were nuts, I could not step away from the register. This guy came up to me and started loudly talking over the customer I was helping, he was irritated and informing me that the pump machine was out. I politely apologized for that and told him that there were cups of liquid vanilla creamer on the other side of the island. He raised his voice to me, sounding snarky and agitated, saying that he "shouldn't have to use the cups" and then just stared at me. I just blanked him out after that, I couldn't interact with anymore because I felt like we were going to have to fight about it or something, and I didn't want to fight anybody. I imagine he eventually left the store in a huff.
But I get this still from my mother and her husband a lot, too. They orchestrate situations to be mad about, they act irrationally like they want a reason to be mad, so they create it, and they continue to be irrational while they respond to the situations they create.
One is that I have a small dog (6 lbs), he can't reach most places/things in the house, but he can reach the end tables in the living room by jumping on the couch/chair. If my mother or her husband leave things on those end tables, like books, earbuds or phone charges, my dog will get up there and grab them to chew on. There are taller tables in the living room that my dog can't reach, so I asked them if they could please put there things there when they are not at home so my dog can't reach them. But they refuse. They refuse to do it, and deliberately leave their things on the end tables. They told me they wouldn't put their things on a higher table because they don't have to.
So today my mother's phone charger was left on an end table and I didn't notice it in time, and at some point in the evening, my dog got a hold of it. Most of the time I keep a close eye on him, but in the span of half an hour unsupervised, he got up there and got it.
So my mother's husband confronts me about it. I could tell he expected me to have some sort of reaction.. scared? Apologize? Angry at my dog? I'm never sure, because it's never enough anyway. I just freeze up a bit when this sort of crap goes down. So then he tells me that from now on, he wants me to do a sweep of the living room once per day in the afternoon and clean up after my dog. Without thinking better on it first, I tried to explain that there were no messes earlier today, that the charger incident just happened. He tells me that doesn't matter and just stares at me. So I say that yes I will do a sweep of the living room once per day. All of this completely ignoring the fact that my mother left her charger on the end table instead of two feet away on a higher table, just because she can, and while knowing that my dog would get the charger. Now I am sure when she gets home from her business trip, she will want to have a big, dumb argument about it.
And even at the same time, I still feel guilty because it is my dog and their house. But I also feel defensive, because what they want me to do is keep my dog locked up in a crate all day, and I am the one who refuses to do that. It's because it reminds me too much of how my mother treated me growing up. There are home videos from when I a baby/toddler to prove it. She would put me on the floor with no toys, and then wait for me to crawl and find something, like a lamp cord, and then yell at me and threaten to spank me, and tell me that I was doing it on purpose to make her mad. Over and over again. So when I get that vibe from her about my dog, I get a "fight" response going in my mind. Like no, it's not a little dog's fault if people leave things laying around close to the ground and he finds them.
Am I the one being irrational? It's okay if the answer is yes. I just feel confused. Don't know if I am feeling triggered and it is making me irrational, or if I am feeling triggered by other people being irrational. Or maybe if we are all nuts in this house.
Working as a cashier in a convenience store, I encountered this a lot. Customers were often irrational / unreasonable and angry, and it made me feel like I was constantly be challenged to fights or something. As one of many examples, there were two sources of liquid vanilla coffee creamer: the pump machine (had bags of creamer inside and you pumped it into your cup), and the little creamer cups that you open and pour. It was early in the morning, I had a long line, things were nuts, I could not step away from the register. This guy came up to me and started loudly talking over the customer I was helping, he was irritated and informing me that the pump machine was out. I politely apologized for that and told him that there were cups of liquid vanilla creamer on the other side of the island. He raised his voice to me, sounding snarky and agitated, saying that he "shouldn't have to use the cups" and then just stared at me. I just blanked him out after that, I couldn't interact with anymore because I felt like we were going to have to fight about it or something, and I didn't want to fight anybody. I imagine he eventually left the store in a huff.
But I get this still from my mother and her husband a lot, too. They orchestrate situations to be mad about, they act irrationally like they want a reason to be mad, so they create it, and they continue to be irrational while they respond to the situations they create.
One is that I have a small dog (6 lbs), he can't reach most places/things in the house, but he can reach the end tables in the living room by jumping on the couch/chair. If my mother or her husband leave things on those end tables, like books, earbuds or phone charges, my dog will get up there and grab them to chew on. There are taller tables in the living room that my dog can't reach, so I asked them if they could please put there things there when they are not at home so my dog can't reach them. But they refuse. They refuse to do it, and deliberately leave their things on the end tables. They told me they wouldn't put their things on a higher table because they don't have to.
So today my mother's phone charger was left on an end table and I didn't notice it in time, and at some point in the evening, my dog got a hold of it. Most of the time I keep a close eye on him, but in the span of half an hour unsupervised, he got up there and got it.
So my mother's husband confronts me about it. I could tell he expected me to have some sort of reaction.. scared? Apologize? Angry at my dog? I'm never sure, because it's never enough anyway. I just freeze up a bit when this sort of crap goes down. So then he tells me that from now on, he wants me to do a sweep of the living room once per day in the afternoon and clean up after my dog. Without thinking better on it first, I tried to explain that there were no messes earlier today, that the charger incident just happened. He tells me that doesn't matter and just stares at me. So I say that yes I will do a sweep of the living room once per day. All of this completely ignoring the fact that my mother left her charger on the end table instead of two feet away on a higher table, just because she can, and while knowing that my dog would get the charger. Now I am sure when she gets home from her business trip, she will want to have a big, dumb argument about it.
And even at the same time, I still feel guilty because it is my dog and their house. But I also feel defensive, because what they want me to do is keep my dog locked up in a crate all day, and I am the one who refuses to do that. It's because it reminds me too much of how my mother treated me growing up. There are home videos from when I a baby/toddler to prove it. She would put me on the floor with no toys, and then wait for me to crawl and find something, like a lamp cord, and then yell at me and threaten to spank me, and tell me that I was doing it on purpose to make her mad. Over and over again. So when I get that vibe from her about my dog, I get a "fight" response going in my mind. Like no, it's not a little dog's fault if people leave things laying around close to the ground and he finds them.
Am I the one being irrational? It's okay if the answer is yes. I just feel confused. Don't know if I am feeling triggered and it is making me irrational, or if I am feeling triggered by other people being irrational. Or maybe if we are all nuts in this house.
