Moving Forward With Sexual Difficulties

[cherryblossom]

Haha Lucy - you make me laugh about the homework Link Removed
I love the homour and positive attitude you always seem to have in your post, despite all the trials and tribulations.

If you find me a gorgeous, sexy man - I'll be your buddy and work through the exercises with you Link Removed (Well, with Him, not with you!!)

 

[Lucycat]

Well I must say my homework went well this weekend ;)

I took note of the book telling me how to breathe and about not keeping still. I was paying so much attention to breathing that the demons were unable to infiltrate my mind. I think that is a good step. In a way it served as another distraction, but it was a positive one that I felt in control of the situation.

CB I have been looking out for a man for you. What are your specific requirements?

 

[Hlost]

Brucielucy, excuse me for popping in on your thread but I appreciate your candor and hard work. This is something I am struggling with very much. I identify with how Brokenchild has been feeling about the whole issue and how it all changed, what a shock that was for me. Your suggestions are something I am taking note of.

I almost posted a trigger that really threw me off track several years ago but pulled back and left for awhile. I guess I was so upset at myself for losing hope at such a set back that I couldn't bring myself to share it, it was shame. Now I feel like I have the support I have been without. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Lucycat]

You are very welcome on here Hlost. I really don't consider the thread 'mine'Link Removed

I have been working hard on this. I have not gone any further forward just trying to consolidate my learning to date. Breathe, Breathe, Breathe. Seems like a good motto!!

 

[WonderingWhy]

Breathe, Breathe, Breathe. Seems like a good motto!!

Why does it seem like as simple as that is, and as often I hear it & it, :thinking: in the midst of my own "moments" I almost never think of it? Makes no sense!:no:

 

[Hlost]

Why does it seem like as simple as that is, and as often I hear it & it, :thinking: in the midst of my own "moments" I almost never think of it? Makes no sense!:no:

hmmm...I don't know, for me, because it first takes several steps:

1. unclench the jaw (oh, my teeth are ground to a chomp like a pitbull's??? Link Removed)
2. release the air in my lungs (I'm holding my breath again??Link Removed)
3. it's OK to move around, I'm don't have to be invisible (why was I needing to be invisible?? Link Removed)
ETC.

For me, there are a lot of reasons I rarely breathe 'normally' and have to practice it. How about you? Is it something that you have to consciously work on prior to a heighten state?? Are you a shallow breather?

Who said that "Simple, yes...Easy, no" in another post? Oh yeah, you Link Removed and I so agree. For me as well. My mind says it's all doable and my heart says not so fast.

It's not so easy for me to Breathe Breathe Breathe either but it is vital to remember.

Hlost

 

[WonderingWhy]

:affection:HLost,

I always seem to have my teeth clenched too! Link Removed

I have also recently become aware of the fact that I also have almost every muscle tense? I don't even realize it until I practice this "relaxing breathing" (my previous T showed me). When I begin, each breath out I make I can feel the muscles relax. Then I am always surprised at how tense I was when I feel them loosen up.

Any suggestion on how to not tense up when you have no idea that you are doing it? :thinking:

 

[cherryblossom]

I have the same problem with teeth clenching, in that I don't even know that I'm doing it, unless I really think about it, or mindfully try to relax. I don't know the solution, but I'm sure all this jaw clenching can't be good for me/us!

 

[Hlost]

:affection:HLost,

I always seem to have my teeth clenched too! :confused:

I have also recently become aware of the fact that I also have almost every muscle tense? I don't even realize it until I practice this "relaxing breathing" (my previous T showed me). When I begin, each breath out I make I can feel the muscles relax. Then I am always surprised at how tense I was when I feel them loosen up.

Any suggestion on how to not tense up when you have no idea that you are doing it? :thinking:

Wow, I have tried meditation relaxation tapes and they have been useful but I'll be honest with you when I am having the about of 'static' in my brain that I am experiencing now I find that very very difficult to focus on. However, at the time I was using them I did find them to work. They are fairly simple in content. It helps to have someone recorded with gentle calming music softly playing in the background having you imagine that you are floating downing a gently moving river or in a bubble in your favorite place floating with your favorite scenario all around you.

1. Laying flat with arms and legs out on your back with palms up - no pillow.
2. Feeling the gentle breeze and warmth of the sun
3. Start relaxing muscles one at a time from top of your head to the tips of your fingers and toes
4. Taking deep slow breathes as you go

They usually run for about 15 mins. I tend to get into a panic just thinking of doing nothing but relaxing for that amount of time right now, it's just where I am. It's sounds wonderful and I remember how great it was but something is holding me back right now. (Yeah, more stuff for the tdoc :scream:) ugh. Hlost-clenching as we speak ...

 

[WonderingWhy]

:)Thank you for the suggestion. It is similar to what I do when :rolleyes:I think of it, BUT the way you described it sounds great, :thumbsup:not quite exactly what I tried. (I just tried to concentrate on relaxing everything, but not in any particular surrounding or position.) Thank you for the suggestion.

Let me know also if you think of a way to stop from tightening in the 1st place.:thinking: However I have a feeling that's just a lost cause.

 

[Lucycat]

I have not really progressed much with my 'self help manual'. I was doing great, then the next bit of 'homework' I just have such a problem with. It suggests that you make a regular time for masterbation:oops::oops::oops:.

I can't believe I even wrote that.

I am stuck with this. Touch is not a nice feeling. I actually managed to discuss this with Rory earlier. I understand the concept of feel the fear but do it anyway, but it is a bit like someone telling me that a poke in the eye will feel good if you stay with it long enough.;)

In my Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (SP) we are dealing with separating emotion from physical feelings. I hope that this approach will help and just maybe I will be able to ditch the book and have a satisfactory sex life anyway. I can but hope:praying:

 

[Lucycat]

Well, it all went pear shaped last night.

I was 'in the mood' but couldn't carry it through. It was awful and I really felt bad for Rory. He was stuck in a limbo. I guess it would have been better if I had been able to say the words- that I had changed my mind. At least he would have known the score. The problem is that I did not know what was happening either. Just ended up with me crying myself to sleep. At least I did get to sleep.