I try to stop thinking about it. That is the suggestion of my therapist.
I know you said your therapist is trained in trauma (which is good) - but either she's not giving you any actual tools, or she's giving them but you're somehow not taking it in.
Example: Lets say you're thinking this:
I’m starting to see that I am basically a dumbass that attracts all of these guys that take advantage of me.
And you start feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. There are two ways to address it: Distract or challenge.
Distraction will consist of specific actions you can do that will shift your focus away from those feelings. There are easily a hundred different distraction techniques. You just need to find the three or four that you can rely on, and you'll learn which ones work better depending on the situation. Could be, get up and do some vigorous exercise. Could be, crossword puzzle. Could be, watch a show or listen to music, podcasts. Could be, read a book. Could be, try out a new recipe. Could be, do some basic chores....goes on and on.
Your goal is to interrupt the harmful thought, and re-direct your mind to an absorbing task. Once you start the task, your goal is to stay on it for at least a minimum amount of time that you've predetermined. One of mine right now is, knit at least 10 rows on this project I'm doing....takes some experimenting to figure out yours. Just search "distraction techniques" on this site, you'll likely get lots of good ideas to try.
Challenge will involve you examining the thought in a specific way that is designed to (a) occupy your mind differently, so instead of thinking the thought and feeling the bad feelings, you're dismantling the thought and feelings take a backseat; and (b) to slowly, over time, change your beliefs around the thought. There are many different tools for challenging thoughts. Thought Records, Cognitive Distortion Reframes, Radical Acceptance, there are more that I'm not coming up with right now.
Your goal is to shift how much you believe that thought is true. That might be a very small shift, and it will most certainly be temporary - but that's a victory towards long-term change. Science knows that the brain can be trained to change. It will change according to how it is used. The concept is neuroplasticity.
Because you're right about this:
We have talked about all of the “why” I feel this way, and we talk about how psychology and family plays a part in this, but I personally have a hard time believing it.
The "why"s are always so compelling...like, if I just can understand why this is happening, then I can change that thing. But "why" is only useful occasionally. It's more helpful
after you've gotten into what/how/who.
If I keep talking about it or focus on it in EMDR, it just gets worse.
This is true. And lots of threads in the Therapy area about it. Doing any formalized trauma therapy will make your symptoms come right up to the surface.
But if there's one thing I've learned, both from my own experience and from observing members here - it's that there's ultimately no way around it. PTSD, specifically, exists because of a memory or set of memories that are not being stored in the brain the way they were meant to be. They have not changed with time or distance the way they should. They are still vivid, the feelings are still very present, and they are running in some kind of loop nearly constantly. They can be way in the background if a person is a good compartmentalizer...but they are always there. Essentially, an aspect your past - specifically, the traumatic event - is remaining active in your present.
This is what makes complex PTSD more difficult to resolve. There isn't just one memory - a singular event - that is out of place. There are multiple trauma events. They will all need to be addressed, in a thing called "trauma processing".
Trauma processing will cause a thing called memory re-consolidation - essentially, those memories that have remained stuck in the wrong place will get absorbed back into the set of memories that make up your past. They do not disappear. But they stop poking at you day-in, day-out. And that goes towards making those feelings and thoughts less powerful, and therefore easier to challenge OR distract from.
And if the majority of what I've written here are concepts you've never spent a significant amount of time on in therapy, then you need a more talented/skillful therapist. I hope some of this helps.
