My Granddaughter Was Lying To Me The Truth Came Out.

[Deleted member 12723]

I found out yesterday that my granddaughter lied to me about the whole situation. I feel so sick to my stomach. I got used and played and I am responsible for the part I played in this drama.

I just wanted to set the record straight. I did the wrong thing calling the police.

 

[Nighthawk]

Oh how horrible that she would play with you in this way. Shameful truly

 

[anonymous]

I did the wrong thing calling the police.

Seeking to protect a child where you have reason to believe there is, or has been abuse, is not the wrong thing to do.
I don't know the circumstances around this change in story from her, if it has come from her, but personally I'd still be concerned that something caused her to feel suicidal and run away from home.

 

[shimmerz]

There was a reason you asked the question in the first place. I trust that what you did was in the context of the 'whole picture', which you know.....

There is a lesson there for others in your family, not for you. Don't let this incident silence you - you have set a very good example for the family.

'Don't bury your head in the sand when there is abusive behaviour happening.' I wish someone in my family had done what you did.

 

[Kintsugi]

I'm admittedly out of the loop. I haven't followed the situation you mention here. I just want to echo Anon. I work with vulnerable populations, and even if we feel certain someone is falsely reporting abuse, we are required to report it to the appropriate authorities so that it can be investigated.

Absolve yourself of this guilt you have no place owning.

You do not deserve to feel the burden of some responsibility in a "drama." Your responsibility as an adult is to follow up on what you feel is right for a child. Just because the child might be lying is no reason to be dismissive. I think plenty of us here can say we wish people had taken us more seriously, but they thought we were lying, and they acted on that instead of on our reports of abuse. Would you rather be wrong in this fashion, or another?

 

[sun seeker]

Ouch. I don't know the whole context of what happened, but I have to think, if she would lie about something as important as this, she has some other fairly huge problems and you are right to be concerned. Better to do something you later find didn't need to be done, than to turn your back when it does.

(((gizmo))) you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. You are innocent in this situation.

 

[Justmehere]

I don't know the full story either. I do agree with others. If you had a fear or concern at the time that someone committed a crime, then calling the police is a responsible step to take.

Then it's up to the police to figure out who is and who is not lying. Hopefully they will do their job and the justice system will figure out what the truth is. I realize this doesn't always happen, but that doesn't change that you are not to blame.

It is not justice or helpful to beat yourself up for calling the police and reporting information about a possible crime. That's called being a good grandmother.

If your granddaughter shared information about being abused and is now recanting her story, and that's why you feel she lied, slow down on thinking she lied. Victims recant all the time, especially minors.

If she absolutely did lie and made up abuse or crimes that didn't happen, that is morally wrong and horrible, and is a big cry for help. It is a pretty extreme act and sounds like she is going to need adults acting responsibly around her - and that's exactly what you did.

Try not to victim blame yourself if she did triangulate you, it ironically makes us more likely to fall into the triangle again.

Keep being the safe and responsible grandma that you are, one who takes the possibly of criminal behavior seriously, and don't take on blame that isn't yours to take on. :hug:

 

[intothelight]

You didn't know and you acted on what you believed. Do not fault yourself for that. You followed your heart and your conscience, and in time your daughter will understand that. Hopefully they are getting some counseling for EZ. A divorce, new boyfriend, loss of a home, a move, their mom being sick...all of this is a lot for a teenager to handle. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Britt.f7]

You did what you had to do with what you knew. It is not your fault that your granddaughter lied or that you believed her. You did nothing wrong.

 

[Anarchy]

Are you sure you've been given the full story this time?

Please be gentle with yourself, engage in some distractions and self soothing until the strong feelings subside, then deploy your full ( and considerable) scepticism.

If you are OK to write out what you know so far, perhaps share it

Putting it in order and communicating it will help clarity, and more brains are better than fewer.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I just wanted to set the record straight. I did the wrong thing calling the police.

Oh Giz... I am sorry that is your conclusion but respect your right to have it and your attempt to try to own it.

However, there are many of us here, who prayed that someone, anyone would help us as children, believe us or contact the authorities to get us the h$ll out. And as well...I was 'forced' to recant as a teen the horror of incest. So the 'truth' at times, appears to depend on his-story (history) or those with ultimate power. Few children run away from a loving home. jmho

 

[Stickler]

I wonder if she was coerced into recanting myself.

My old T and I had a convo about kids, especially teens, falsely reporting child abuse, or child sex abuse.

Her thoughts were that if the kid is falsely reporting something like that? there is something really, really wrong and maybe the kid needs to not be in that home.

In many states, any adult is committing a crime if they do not report abuse allegations.
Not just teachers or therapists; all adults.