My Granddaughter Was Lying To Me The Truth Came Out.

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank each and every one of you for your wisdom and insights. I so appreciate this one. I do not know if she was coerced into recanting now or just lying but she really needs an adult to intervene and remove her from the home.

I heard this from my daughter and I have to reconsider now. Thank you so much each and every one of you. I do not know what the truth really is now and thanks for such awesome support.

 

[illusionist]

Sorry you are going through this. Please dispel any negative feelings....you did the right thing in reporting what you were told.

I myself was in the same situation as your daughter....horrible, horrible lies about me were told to someone by my daughter who rightly reported it. Investigations were done, discreetly without me knowing, and I only got to know about it all a couple of years down the line.....by this time lies had been told about others ( all untrue but were believed by myself and other family members).

If I had been alerted, like your daughter has been, I would have been able to seek the help that my daughter so obviously needed...not to mention, saved others from false allegations. You have done this by speaking up about what you were told...you have done nothing wrong.

I so hope your granddaughter can get the help she needs.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you. I really appreciate you sharing your story. My granddaughter does need help and my daughter is very threatened by me right now.Hugs.

 

[illusionist]

Hopefully, given time, your daughter will understand. My initial reaction on finding out that someone had reported the lies was thank god that they did.....how were they to know it was all lies. But, we come from a different background to your daughter, she may only see it as betrayal and judgement on her atm...as well as disbelief that anyone could think that of her.....it really is a shock to the system for many reasons.

It is a hard situation all round....time may well be the healer, I hope so.

 

[Ocean5]

@gizmo stay strong, and try not to be so hard on yourself. *hug* You are brave, and a strong grandmother.

As others have said "I wish" I had people in my youth that would have called police. Sadly most looked the other way. Even when police came my father would manipulate them, and they never believed my mom if she called. Only times it was taken serious was when I ran to neighbors to have them call police. I had my father locked-up twice for years before I was even 15. Other times I was just too scared, and just needed to hide - protect my brothers. All about staying safe, and alive, for one more day....

Your granddaughter maybe just so scared she decided it wasn't worth it. Fear is a powerful tool, and often misused.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you all so much. My biggest concern for my granddaughter is that she will succeed in killing herself. Her mom, my daughter layed it on pretty thick and I realize now that she is a master manipulator and I refuse to believe all of the lies she told me. I am leaving them alone right now, not speaking to them but that does not help my granddaughter. I know now in my heart that I did the right thing. This is not the first time that she has been suicidal. Something is very wrong and I know it. But I only have words from my daughter and no proof. There is an ongoing investigation against my daughter and her boyfriend right now as she went to a shelter and reported her mom to Child Protective Services as well. She really needs to get rescued from that home.

 

[Spiderallis]

hugs @gizmo and more hugs because I just don't know what to say. You acted out of love and concern and that's still what I see in your posts. Don't forget to love and be concerned about yourself, maybe have a pajama day tomorrow?

 

[Chincho]

@gizmo, you acted quickly to protect your grandaughter with the information you had. You had only her well being in mind, and you still do.

You are still my hero.

 

[scout86]

I do not know what the truth really is now

This is a hard fact to live with, Been there, done that. I just want to echo everyone who's said you did the right thing. You can only act with the information you have at the time and that's exactly what you did. I hope the authorities do their jobs as well as you did yours!

 

[Neverthesame]

Nothing new here. Just wanted to say that you are still in my thoughts. That I still firmly believe you did the right thing.

I can't honestly think of anything you should have done different. Given the information you had, you acted in the best interests of the child.

As a few others have said as well, whatever the actual reason. Kids don't make up stuff like that when they live in a healthy home.

Whether the original story has been recanted under duress, or if it was untrue. Whatever is happening, can't be any better.

You did the right thing.

Once again, keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[ms spock]

If you look at the research 4% of incest reports are lies. So that makes 96% who are telling the truth.

I don't know the evidence based research on other disclosures of other types of abuse. Someone else might have two cents to put in.

Some people will believe that a young person has made "false allegations" even when the father has served time in jail for the sexual abuse of his daughter, so you need to be very careful of going down the false allegations track. My father used it to get access to a lot of children. And my siblings said nothing happened to them to be able to be alive and exist in their predicament. That has changed as time went on and they were far away from my father.

I respect your current position. But I respectfully disagree. There is something really wrong there when a young person tries to kill themselves, acts out, is suicidal, uses drugs and runs away from home. Those are not the actions of a young person who is in a safe, secure place with loving and attentive parent/s.

Your daughter did not deny the allegations when you challenged and confronted her. I do wonder why is that so?

J took a knife to school and was suspended for threatening another child if I remember correctly. This, too, is not the action of a child in a safe home.

Where are your granddaughters getting their behaviours from? What are they mirroring?

Your daughter has prioritised her relationships and being in domestically violent relationships over caring for her daughters - there is profound neglect in that equation at the very least.

I think more will be revealed as time goes on, but that is only my humble opinion though.

And intergenerational trauma is really tricky, you are three generations and you all have a lot going on for you.

I think you have been hammered lately especially with the latest news outside of this, so self care and self compassion may be a way to go.

 

[The Albatross]

Sad Giz that your daughter played the "dad would support me" and the "you could have save me/us/the house" thing. Avoidance of responsibility is a tough thing to see with an adult "child". As for the reversal... she needs another child like she needs a hole in the head. Independent of all this stuff with Ez... it is a sad fact that she too is a "victim" of dysfunction and that she is more interested in being rescued and being enabled to bear another child than she is dealing with her own issues, parenting the two children that she already has and responsibly dealing with her illness.

Agree with Spock about the intergenerational thing. Also that Ez is clearly having issues but I've said that before as have others.

I guess what I'm seeing... is something I went through with my own mother. My own mother was adversely affected when she felt her mother/my grandmother chose me over her. She felt angry and slighted, as if her issues didn't matter. My mother pretty much did the same thing with me... only not having a grandchild to focus herself on she chose to support her friends children. I though saw the cycle, she did not.

Not saying your daughter is right, just saying intergenerationally for our family, the mother/daughter thing is dysfunctional more often than it has been assistive. Frankly it was too painful for my grandmother to see her part in why my mother was/is the way she is. Too painful for my mother to see how it affected me. Just food for thought?

Perceptively of course... my grandmother was there for my mother, my mother is/was there for me... it was a cognitive distortion and that mother/child relationship that was problematic (unmet needs, frustration, resentments, feelings of inadequacy and low self worth). I though had the benefit of intervention where my mother did not... so I could see it for what it was. Emotionally I had my moments but I broke the cycle.