Not Ptsd? But Maybe Not "normal"?

[BlackbirdSinging]

For me some of my quirks come and stay out of feeling safe in a routine. Kind of. I hate to feel cornered or trapped. But in relationships for example I tend to need to see specific things routinely or I get anxious and hypervigilant thinking a break in routine means something bad is coming. So I think for me that's why I'll find a habit and keep it.

I'm a flip flop girl all the time. But then I live where it's warm 9 months out of the year and in the winter cold is 40's - 50's. But even then in the winter even if my toes are cold I'm still in flip flops.

I can watch the same movie a million times if I love it. I can't tell you how many times I've watched Forrest Gump the Harry Potter movies and even the Twilight movies. I do this with tv too. I love the Big Bang Theory and I can watch that show from season 1 to season 7 over and over again.

I have weird food things too but that's mostly because I have a borderline ED.

I like affection but I don't always want to be touched. And I like hugging but I don't like to be clung to.

I'm sure there are more. I'll probably think of them after I post this.

 

[Seasounds]

From trauma, touching things and making decisions is difficult; I avoid both as much as I can. So you can imagine, cleaning, cooking, and sorting, is for the maid and butler, that I don't have.:rolleyes:

Being vegetarian, and being 2013, most people can deal with folks like myself-there are so many us now. :D

Sex is fun, however I need my own space to sleep.:sleep:

I don't do flirting, don't tolerate crude jokes, nor drugs or violent movies. :stop:

 

[DMerish]

@D123 - I think we may be related :p

Abstract said: ↑ I also never answer the phone and will always phone back!Click to expand... I never answer the phone! It's always on silent mode.

^ Ditto ^ :chicken:

@Mayday, Can you explain the hand issue?

Mayday: I don't understand HATING to hold hands either :-[

I really wonder, like @Promicarus said... are these girl things or quirks related to PTSD or just quirks.

It's hard to tell sometimes, isn't it? I think probably some of each. I used to be a very decisive, "pro-active" person. I think my indecisiveness is due to having to make many, many decisions that affected me as well as other people in the past. I still have to make decisions that effect other people at my work. I'd just like some of the little day-to-day decisions taken care of by someone else. I also feel that some of my personal power/decision making as it relates to me was taken by my trauma. I lack motivation related to me, personally, and have problems with prioritization/procrastination.

So maybe the 'pickiness' that traditional gender roles assigns as a 'feminine' attribute--is as much a function of just the fact that women, being less physically muscular, and agressive, and the constant source of male sexually aggressive focus--is a trauma so "built in" to the human experience, that we don't think about it at all in those terms. But when the same thing shows up in traumatized males, for example--isn't it a potential confirmation that it does in fact arise from trauma, rather than some other innately "feminine" state of being?

No. I think your theory about woman's "intuition" may have been honed from eons of women being subjected to male "authority" and physical prowess, as you alluded. I hadn't thought about that before, but it makes sense to me. However, I think men can be just as "picky" perhaps in other areas. And, IMHO, I thought several things that you wrote were either bunk or rhetoric. Honestly, no offense, of course. Just tossing up my $0.02 (my opinion) when not requested, which is also a quirk of mine :-o

I hope I'm not the only male who shares these idiosyncrasies

I doubt you're the only man, Barconian! IMO the majority of men are simply less likely to notice the types of things that have been mentioned thus far and/or men are less likely to admit they have quirks/idiosyncrasies :-o If they do notice them / admit to having some, they are definitely not because of any "fault" of their own! :clown: I think they've got a different brand of indecisiveness. I think they often pick one of the first things they see on the menu because they don't want to look at the whole menu and decide, and they frequently also choose the same menu items like women do. And I think if more men had, or do, get in on the discussion more then we'll see men mention things having less to do with self-care (food) and maybe more to do with "manly" concerns. IDK

For me some of my quirks come and stay out of feeling safe in a routine. Kind of. I hate to feel cornered or trapped.

You can always find me sitting closest to an exterior door: when that's not possible, then I'll face the nearest exit, lol!

IMO some of the things that have been mentioned could be related to one having PTSD - like not answering the phone thing? But surely not all of our little quirks can be related to it, can it?

 

[Mayday]

Solara said: ↑ @Mayday, Can you explain the hand issue? Mayday: I don't understand HATING to hold hands either :-[

I'm not entirely sure what the hand holding thing is about myself...I think it is to do with bad associations with being a child and holding an adults hand, it lead to bad situations? Or makes me feel like a powerless child again, having to hold someone's hand but being angry/upset/ashamed and not able to show it? I don't really know.

It's funny, I never really took much notice of not liking holding hands, just passed it off as me not being an affectionate person or whatever...up until I went through a BDSM phase a few years back, and was doing a lot of fairly extreme stuff with someone, which was going fine (I have some very weird boundary issues or lack of boundaries issues to do with sex..but that's another story), then he tried to hold my hand while walking down the street, and I was like "Ugh, gross...nope, sorry....can't do that". That kind of made me stop and think that I had some issues going on.

Another time, I was drunk and all set to go home with some guy that I'd met who I'd been all over all night, up until he held my hand when we crossed the street to go to another pub. After he had held my hand, I felt grossed out and awkward, so never went home with him.

I wonder how many men there are out there with similar "quirks"

Quite a few, I'd say. I know my dad has a lot of these quirks like the eating the same thing for awhile, then moving on to something else.

 

[Promicarus]

@Mayday

It's funny how we humans work--intimacy is completely psychological/emotional, after all--meaning that we can have sex, without necessarily experiencing it as as intimate as holding hands/kissing. For example, I've heard of pornography actors/prostitutes having no problems with the sex act, itself, but who refuse to kiss, at all.

I think holding hands is that intimacy--which even sex may not necessarily be. Why? Who knows. Maybe some consider sex a simple matter of physical gratification, and have no problems distancing themselves from the other involved...but holding hands can't be distanced, so easily...it's a very explicit gesture of intimacy, of closeness--as nothing else is intended to come out of it, or be involved.

 

[Mayday]

I think you've hit the nail on the head there Promicarus. For most of my life, I never thought of sex as anything intimate at all. But holding hands does seem more intimate to me, probably why I have problems with it.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Handbag monster.

I have to have cupboard/wardrobe/doors closed because dark areas feature in my nightmares when I am semi lucid.
It's also to do with the fact that my father use to follow me/us and watch us to see if there was anything we were talking about that was banned, or to watch me as I moved around in my room. When I tried to shut my door or curtains, he took my curtains down so that I had no privacy, and took the door off it's hinges.

Talking about it is a trigger, although having the dark spots in my room isn't quite as bad as it used to be.
After really bad nightmares, I'll spend an entire week scared of the dark.

 

[Badger]

This is a really interesting thread. Its interesting from the point of view of a supporter too. I might get in trouble for saying this but a lot of these quirks seem to be about control. Maybe because there were such huge parts of your lives you had no control over? Controlling what you wear, eat, where you sleep and who with, etc.

Me: I have a thing about color. I'm pretty sure it's my one quirk. I dont like colors to clash even if Im dressed for winter and its my underwear and socks that dont match and no one can see them. Color has to be harmonious.
Other then that I will eat anything that someone puts in front of me if it doesn't run away too fast.
I like sleeping with people in my bed. Any people I like even just as friends.
I'm not too picky about how someone touches me if I like them. If I dont like/trust/know them I find even socially expected touch to be unpleasant.
Don't really care what I wear on my feet as long as it's practical for the weather.
Don't mind surprises, quick changes in plans.
Have no concerns about what I order off the menu at any given resturant- hey I'm just glad they are cooking it.

I don't do flirting either. Recently became single and my friend kept trying to tell me its this game and if the man doesn't find you hard to "capture" he can lose interest. Like we are deer, or prey, or something. I was like "Really? why would I lie to, and or mislead someone I like about how I feel about them?" Headgames sound like a crappy way to even start a friendship/not to mention anything involving sex or romance...

 

[DMerish]

Handbag phobic :rolleyes:

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

but a lot of these quirks seem to be about control. Maybe because there were such huge parts of your lives you had no control over? Controlling what you wear, eat, where you sleep and who with, etc.

For me it's a very conscious yes. But not because I'm a control freak. I don't want to control people. Controlling myself is hard enough. But in a situation control means certainty. And certainty means safety. And since I never feel safe safety is exactly what I want. It's maddening though since there isn't a way to control everything. And there isn't a guarantee of certainty.

 

[Abstract]

I actually have a horror of controlling others although I understand it can happen in an indirect way with things regardless. I am more than a little obsessed with controlling myself. I was thinking the other day that a lot of that is to do with that feeling and reality of keeping the trauma and symptoms from exploding out there. I am pretty sure we all sit constantly with many layers of trying to let it out only in "manageable" amounts that won't cause total mayhem. It's why even meditation is terrifying as some of the control slips and all sorts can slip out. Same with sleep. So yes, things on the outside giving a pretence of safety is a definite possibility. I do think many things are just plain fear for me though.

A lot of my life looks and is totally out of control much to my horror and some of it I like. I hate making definite plans. My paperwork is a mess. Tasks I need to do are in a nightmare condition. Lists put the fear of fear into me.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Same with sleep.

Sleep is tricky. You think you can escape to it and get away from the symptoms. Until you actually fall asleep and have disturbing dreams or nightmares. And then wake up to symptoms as soon as you open your eyes.