Practicing Mindfulness Could Cause Problems For Ptsd Sufferers

[Lionheart]

Excellent post!
Many thanks to you.
May you live in deep peace.:happy:

You are most welcome, I actually learned the breathing technique from a Reiki instructor / nurse who was healing me from an allergic reaction to a spider bite. I was partially and temporarily paralyzed by the bite and was panicking. The breathing technique worked like a charm for me and I just wanted to share it in hopes of helping others to heal.

 

[Lionheart]

My psychologist did teach me the breathing technique you are describing @Lionheart777. It works sometimes but then I started getting really depressed and crying afterwards.
My childhood, and most of my life, very bad memories. Even the good ones, then lead to bad. They just come through. They are sad. Very sad.

@Queen Boudica I am so sorry for your pain and sadness. It takes a lot of time to process so much trauma and unhappiness. I found that after I cried for like 3 months straight, I began to get the good memories without the bad ones. I hope that you too will find peace and make some new and happy memories for yourself!! My best to you,

Lionheart

 

[Queen Boudica]

Thanks @Lionheart777. I just think it is grief I have to go through. I wasn't allowed to, or couldn't so now the reality is there, plus the shock.

 

[ms spock]

So far, since I've bombed out of Spock's challenge a couple times and run some of my own individual goal challenges with this stuff off the forum... I'd say the perceived benefits do not outweigh the risks. Not in my particular situation...

I know we have talked about this a little bit before but I have another take on what you have been doing. I don't see you has bombing out of the challenges - you have been there in the ways that you can be - you have thought about it as it applies to you - I actually read that as success. You have shown wisdom with not taking on more than you can manage. Sometimes baby steps are human baby steps, and sometimes baby steps are like insect baby steps. But that is just my opinion and obviously you see it differently from me.

I do think you have an unrealistic expectation of meditation - but with some of the responses to this thread I can see why people have these unrealistic expectations.

Tara Brach has a short three minute Letting Go of Assumptions about Meditation.

You work hard on the things you are capable doing - it is not a lack within what you are doing - from my very humble, handmade experience.

That Self Compassion and Mindfulness are interconnected and there is a real risk of severe backdraft which I think is a really interesting concept to grasp about why it is so hard, and even dangerous at times for people to begin Mindfulness/Self Compassion

Most clinicians have witnessed how difficult memories resurface when a client feels truly seen, heard, and loved in therapy. A metaphor for this process is “backdraft.” Backdraft occurs when a firefighter opens a door with a hot fire behind it. Oxygen rushes in, causing a burst of flame. Similarly, when the door of the heart is opened with compassion, intense pain can sometimes be released. Unconditional love reveals the conditions under which we were unloved in the past (see earlier example of Sarah). Therefore, some clients, especially those with a history of childhood abuse or neglect, are fearful of compassion (Gilbert et al., 2011).

How I read it Alba is that you are on the continuum of say @KwanYingirl or myself (and some of the others here) but at a very different place at this time - I have been where you have been though - and was really stuck with that for the longest time. You are much more functional than I am in many ways though - yet I am approaching where you are say for working and emotional regulation through practice. It will take time to get there. The skills you have shared with me have been most useful for me. I have taken them and worked on them.

I mention KwanYingirl as she found her own particular way through:

There is much validation for why it is so painful and worrisome for people with PTSD to avoid emotions. It is very real and we all need to tread lightly through this mine field. The fact that we are on this site is life affirming. Please be gentle with yourself and trust when you can. It is not helpful for you to get pushed back down the rabbit hole. As my day to day safety improved, as I was able to articulate what happened to me as a child, I found I had less fear of feeling.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Ms Spock and others that have kindly referred to me. I had the divine intervention by a client who recommended her therapist to me. All I really knew about her was that she was a recovering alcoholic, as am I, and she was self employed and lacked confidence. I carried his contact info around for a year while I was seeing a social worker who's heart was in the right place, but I was so suicidal we never got past that. My mind was rigid, everything overwhelmed me, I was in an abusive, terrifying relationship. Therapy was just a place I went because I knew I'd kill myself if I didn't go. I never had any hope that I could be released from the gripping, unremitting fear that consumed me. I had no safety, no self esteem, no trust, no intimacy.

Then my social worker was promoted to a desk job so I had to find a new therapist. I called this guys number and the machine said, "you have reached the Maine Psychological Trauma Institute" WOW I thought I've found a trauma therapist.

I dissociated for years, he had to teach me things over and over and over. Like grounding, like feeling trauma in the body. It was he that calmly suggested I try other healing practices to enhance my progress. I could not tolerate workbooks at all. I was frozen by fear and very much still under the authority of my abusers who threatened me with death if ever I would dare speak of the crimes against me. Slowly slowly I dipped my toe into body energy work. Slowly slowly I awoke. I mean years of practice with people with the patience of Job.

And always I slide back into the mayo jar. It happened again a few days ago after I saw a movie that triggered me hard. Now I have several healers to call on. A bit here a bit there. And a very special and powerful people help me in the most meaningful of all ways because they've walked my walk. That's the people on this forum. My knee jerk response to suggestions is usually, I can't do that. It's too hard. I'll be worse off. Always to the negative. But in spite of myself, I learned skills, I learned self compassion, I learned the fear body, I allow a masseuse to balance my energy and chakras. I work with a shaman. I feel powerful most days. My business has been growing steadily.

I still pretend to the greater world that I'm not crazy. I forget my morning yoga stretches, I fall asleep during guided meditations. I fall short. And I get flashbacks and nightmares and intrusive thoughts. But now I have many good days and insight and self awareness (mindfulness). I'm grateful that I've been a positive force for people. And you're kind to point it out. Namaste.

 

[oasis2003]

@KwanYingirl that post was very inspiring thank you.:hug: if you accept.

 

[Steelbreaker]

I recently returned to practicing Vipassana meditation(a form of mindfulness meditation) and am doing much better with it than previously. When I first was training 3 years ago, I was in a hyper-stressed and bereaved mode. It did help yet at times I would become so emotional that I would cry or I felt too scattered to practice regularly. My teacher was a kind, patient and loving expert of Vipassana and said it takes a lot of time to learn and it's ok if you have trouble at the outset. It's important to remember that it's not a competition and there is no totally correct way to meditate. My teacher told of falling asleep during practice, getting frustrated at times, yet also having to be gentle with ourselves and accept our shortcomings. No judgement should be placed on oneself; just be in the moment, but if you aren't, that's ok.

I have now returned to the practice and find it not as troubling. It was simply too early a few years ago for me to truly embrace the benefits. I am past the immediate crises and can now concentrate on maintenance and staying healthy.

Using online tools, cds, videos, etc, to practice is fine but I do suggest anyone who wants to start practicing mindfulness to take a course with a certified teacher. You will learn meditation plus study and discuss in a non-judgemental environment. Working in a group setting helps to motivate me and also tunes me into other's pain, which turns into compassion.

Best of luck to you all! Namaste

 

[Tinyflame]

Most clinicians have witnessed how difficult memories resurface when a client feels truly seen, heard, and loved in therapy. A metaphor for this process is “backdraft.” Backdraft occurs when a firefighter opens a door with a hot fire behind it. Oxygen rushes in, causing a burst of flame. Similarly, when the door of the heart is opened with compassion, intense pain can sometimes be released. Unconditional love reveals the conditions under which we were unloved in the past (see earlier example of Sarah). Therefore, some clients, especially those with a history of childhood abuse or neglect, are fearful of compassion (Gilbert et al., 2011).

Yes totally agree, with the above.

@Ms Spock and others that have kindly referred to me. I had the divine intervention by a client who recommended her therapist to me. All I really knew about her was that she was a recovering alcoholic, as am I, and she was self employed and lacked confidence. I carried his contact info around for a year while I was seeing a social worker who's heart was in the right place, but I was so suicidal we never got past that. My mind was rigid, everything overwhelmed me, I was in an abusive, terrifying relationship. Therapy was just a place I went because I knew I'd kill myself if I didn't go. I never had any hope that I could be released from the gripping, unremitting fear that consumed me. I had no safety, no self esteem, no trust, no intimacy.

Same.

I have now returned to the practice and find it not as troubling. It was simply too early a few years ago for me to truly embrace the benefits. I am past the immediate crises and can now concentrate on maintenance and staying healthy.

I could see that. I think it's ok, for some things to be too painful at times, or other things to be better. And to tweak what to include, what to avoid (individually).

 

[empatheticINFJ]

Mindfulness in the proper context, is not suppose to be relaxing. The fact the core notion i...

Thank you for pointing out what you did. Healing is about feeling all the stuff 5hat was repressed....to bring it to the conscious mind, feel it all as to finally release the energy from your body forever.

When I do this work I let the feelings surround me. I find where I feel the strongest and embrace it. You have to be able to have a part of yourself always intact (adult self), as to not get stuck in the trauma vortex.

Healing is like walking through fire then coming out on the other side as strong as steel......I say do it a little bit at a time, as to not get overwhelmed. For me, THIS IS THE PATH TO HEALING. It's working.

 

[Alien Goodness]

I know this is a fairly old post which has recently been reactivated, but I wanted to add my two cents worth.

When I started Mindfulness it was really really difficult for me. I didn't get any benefit from the exercises for a couple of months. Fortunately my therapist was a fully qualified with a PhD as well. He was able to explain to me from day one why I would find it difficult, and why most people with PTSD would find it difficult. For a few people (which is probably nearly all of us here on MyPTSD) to relax and lower our guard is one the most scary things we can do as it is exposing ourselves to potential abuse. For other people, to be able to relax is a positive thing and they quickly benefit from Mindfulness. For me, it was a triggering experience and I often felt worse after doing a mindfulness exercise than I did before! But I read a book called The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert (he's quoted above) and was convinced that if I persevered, I would benefit from Mindfulness. For me, it was about trying to find a way of feeling safe and not having to expend so much energy being hyper-vigilant. My therapist emphasised the importance of self-compassion and patience. And with his support, I began to benefit from Mindfulness.

I shudder to think what would have happened if I was introduced to Mindfulness by an unqualified person. It would have been a disaster, like some of the stories in the article posted at the beginning of this thread. For example, a common Mindfulness practice is to think of a safe place and imagine relaxing in that place. Never worked for me, as I don't have memories of feeling safe. Trying to think of somewhere just ended up with triggering memories of being attacked when I thought I was safe. So an exercise designed to make a person feel safe and relaxed had the opposite re-traumatising effect on me! But my therapist explained that my response was the normal one for my background.

In the end, after two months or so, a visualisation that began to work for me was to imagine a place that was frozen in a time bubble so nothing could move. It's not real, but thinking about living in such a time bubble helped to lower my anxiety a notch. And so I was able to relax a little. And that acquired skill of lowering my tension a little is valuable to me in managing the cocktail of nervous reactions I live with.

 

[Flower Power]

I think this article is way to broad to even begin to touch on the issues of the Eastern practices of meditation and mindfulness (which are two different things actually.) My first attempt with Yoga I was told that many people will drop out because of what is brought up by these practices...yep and that is what happened. These practices were never meant to be an app. on a cell phone. Get real... Yoga (Meditation & Mindfulness practices) are spiritual practices for clearing the mind of unwanted/undesirable distractions, and noise that keeps us from clearly uniting with God. Physical Yoga is to still the body, so you can physically be still to meditate. Mindfulness is being "AWARE" of the what/why/and wherefores of everything that you do/think etc. and actions that you take in response to your thinking. Mindfulness and PTSD are extremely powerful practices in working with ones PTSD. PTSD is the mind running amuck in response to a stimulus and reactivating past memories. So, if we slow it all down through mindfully looking and approaching it all BINGO we can come into a relationship of being first an observer and then stopping the reactionary aspect of what memories are being triggered. The problem is that when a PTSD episode occurs we are catapulted out of the present consciousness into the past (Mindfulness brings you back to the present). Because of the physical relationship that many abusive episodic memories that are behind a PTSD episode has, many of us have disassociated from our bodies, do not have our bodies as an effectual anchor in the present, because we don't connect there. So when mindfulness, yoga and meditation send us back to the body instead of meditating we can have a triggered disassociated episode to avoid all that we have been avoiding. This is a serious, deep method of healing but it takes courage, time and commitment to slow it all down.. It is not the path for everyone, but it is an acknowledged spiritual path to a clear and present consciousness and control of PTSD. It has been my saving grace.Being consciously present takes work. And it is damn hard work when you have PTSD but healing is possible. I feel more at peace now than I ever have and these tools are definitely in my tool box, but they have to be respected for what they are, spiritual practices for clarity of being.

 

[Nautigal]

i recently attended an all women's in-patient hospital day program for trauma based on dbt. I spent six weeks in the program and gave it my all (which is admittedly impaired at this time.)

It was AWFUL. I don't think these people had the slightest clue about PTSD or how to deal with it. It made everything about what I am going through worse on pretty much every level.

I'm terrified at this point to seek out any more counseling or 'help' as absolutely none of it has helped, and most of it has retraumatized me, made my situation worse, and driven me further into despair.

If anyone has any other advice or guidance on how to go about climbing out of this pit, I would be so grateful.

A quote from a recent article I read really summed up the experience of trying so hard in those dbt classes and groups and trying to 'get grounded' (which I didn't get the point of on the first place.) I didn't realize why I was literally jumping out of my skin every time we did the skill exercises. I really detailed during this program, they didn't understand AT ALL, offered no help, and just completely cut me lose because I 'wasn't getting it.'

Again I am lost and alone, vulnerable and exposed, and likely LESS healthy that when I went in, desperate for help.

"To an abuse victim — especially an extreme abuse victim who has spent a lifetime being shamed, blamed, and invalidated — being told to let things go unresolved or to live in the NOW moment without emotional security is the metaphoric equivalent of a psycho-social death sentence."

This forum, it seems, won't let me link the source article.