Ptsd Vs Cptsd - Time Line For Recovery?

[anthony]

Warning now... this is going to be direct and blunt, likely hard, but you need to stick with me on this... get angry, whatever the case... but stick with me on this and see it through for yourself.

I would like you to look at the below JB, being the statements you made, then you tell me the problems and then what you believe are viable solutions, being that you know yourself and your life, you know what you can achieve... so you set your goals. I'm kind off handing the problems right back to you from your own words actually...

• It's not actually where I go on the weekends, it's how I feel.
• I have always had a rough time on weekends.
• I have always felt depressed for some reason.
• My husband works out of town every single weekend.
• I start drinking before I'm picked up so that I'm more relaxed.
• I always tell myself I will just have a few sips but then I start chugging.
• Then wherever we go, I spend the whole time drinking.
• I buy 2 drinks at a time and chug them.
• I always end up making a fool of myself.
• I do things and go places I wouldn't normally do or go, so I'm kind of afraid to go out anymore.
• I end up falling down drunk and making a fool of myself by crying or by getting violent.
• They have a few drinks and I end up holding the bottle.
• I tried to fight a couple of them and even punched one of them.
• But once it's evening/night, I just don't like the way I feel and I want to drink and usually do.
• If I am feeling anxious, depressed, etc., those are the days I usually drink.

You wrote out all the issues, I'm just agreeing with you. So... looking at each, how do YOU solve each statement?

Also take note of your black and white thinking within your statements, "always". Nothing is always... You're not "always" depressed. You have written times when you state your feeling great.

You need to start changing the way you think... and only you can do that, not me, not your therapist, nobody else but you. You either want to get better or you don't. You either want to solve your major issues by reducing / removing them, replacing them with more positive behaviours, etc... or you don't.

You keep making excuses for what you do, but you aren't really taking much action to change things... so do you actually want to change things JB or do you just want to talk things to death?

You don't need money to change your life, you need desire, will, want, action.

So if you meet the above questions, being you want to change, then you will be able to think about how to solve the bullet point aspects that you stated. Start small and work your way forward.

Do you really see the issue? What occurs on a weekend that changes your behaviour from during the week?

 

[jadebear]

I didn't get pissed for you being blunt anthony. I'd rather someone be blunt than dick around. After I posted and then read it again, I could see the problems myself anyway. I thought about deleting it and saying something totally different. But I decided to leave it because it was the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts.

What does piss me off a little is the way you make it sound so simple to change thinking patterns. As a matter of fact, you make every solution sound so easy. And it's not. Oh, and the fact that you're always right not only pisses me off but annoys the hell out of me. And once again, as usual, you're right....

You keep making excuses for what you do, but you aren't really taking much action to change things... so do you actually want to change things JB or do you just want to talk things to death?

Ouch! That one stung a little and even left a hand print on my face. Talking things to death seems easier than changing things.But gets me nowhere. So, you're right again....

 

[krystina]

i agree with you jadebear that it s hard to change thinking patterns but that is why i have a therapist. I know it is hard but if you practice new thinking patterns you will eventually get the hang of it and it will help.
if you talk with your t she or he will be able to help you. good luck and keep strong!

 

[cherryblossom]

What does piss me off a little is the way you make it sound so simple to change thinking patterns. As a matter of fact, you make every solution sound so easy. And it's not. Oh, and the fact that you're always right not only pisses me off but annoys the hell out of me. And once again, as usual, you're right....

Hehe. This made me chuckle! I've been on the receiving end of Mr P's no non-sense approach. And yes he is often (very annoyingly) right. The number of times I have shouted profanities to him through my computer screen,(which only I could hear!). Then walked away, calmed down and realised he was right :eek:

 

[Nicolette]

What does piss me off a little is the way you make it sound so simple to change thinking patterns. As a matter of fact, you make every solution sound so easy. And it's not. Oh, and the fact that you're always right not only pisses me off but annoys the hell out of me. And once again, as usual, you're right...

Oh please...Anthony won't be able to get his head through the door. :p

Don't be too hard on yourself Jadebear as it is always easier to speak from experience than when in the throws of dealing with a problem. I bet you a fortune that when sick with uncontrolled PTSD Anthony was not able to dish out the advice he is now giving and I am sure he had to swallow a few of his own bitter pills of facing the truth.

Hang in there as you are making progress and are willing to admit and see the problems so you will get there. I believe you can.

 

[anthony]

JB... don't get me wrong, its not easy. People gave me the same advice, or I ascertained for myself what I needed to do in order to improve... I listened and / or I did. Change is not easy, but its not impossible either. It can be done when you approach it right. Its when you give up on yourself or make excuses for yourself, that change doesn't occur. I know these things because I have walked this path... where you are now, I was. Just read some of my history with uncontrolled PTSD and alcohol, and I was an alcoholic, compared to now I still drink on occasion, but rarely, and sometimes I drink to get happy, but I don't drink to drunk nowadays, as like you, I know and accept that it does me more harm than good, I will get angry at all the wrong things, etc.

I don't do / changed because of accepting the same things that you just wrote, but I changed to accept and use the knowledge to identify. If we go out to a party, I want to get really drunk, forget life, etc... others around do it, but I choose not too regardless what my brain says is ok to do, or wants to do... I change the thought at that time and make the decision based on experience and knowledge, to not get drunk or drink too much, to really be cognisant of how much I am drinking, to put water or soft drink inbetween drinks, several drinks if I am feeling a bit dizzy... I still do this to date.

Its not something that you just learn by thinking, but by doing. I now don't go and make a fool of myself, punch people, etc, all because I make that decision to not be that person even know my brain is telling me to keep drinking. I know its not good for me health wise, etc. All these factors curb my constant decisions and acts at the point of being in any environment with alcohol, still to this very day.

AA is all crap IMHO... as very few are actually at the level they need to remove alcohol vs. control its use through self behaviour. If I removed it entirely from my life, I would just want it more. We have a bottle of scotch here now in the house... sometimes between the two of us it might go in two weeks, otherwise it will be here for a month/s before we need to buy another. We both have periods where we might have a drink or two on a weekend, otherwise we don't. I pretty much removed it from my life for a good year, so I could get myself in control of me... then I reintroduced myself to it.

Its not about me being right, but I base what I say on what I learnt, what others taught me, what books taught me, what doing taught me. Theory is wonderful... but not usually very accurate. Experience is what creates accuracy. Theory based purely on experience is more likely to be extremely accurate. You can see this when reading something from someone who has experienced first hand vs. some literate person who writes something because it happened to a family member, another vs. themself.

You just took control by admitting you know the problems... well done. So... back to the solution. How do you believe you can change the above factors? Lets talk about them here, lets nut through them and find realistic solutions based on your life, your situation. Yes... you will fail at points, but there is nothing wrong with going backwards slightly if you learn and continue going forward again. It is part of the experience curve, and you are learning that right now.

 

[jadebear]

I know these things because I have walked this path... where you are now, I was.

Thanks, It's helps to hear that you have been there and done that. At least I know you understand what I'm going through. Other people mean well , but just don't "get" it. It makes me feel like shit when someone tells me to just stop drinking or just don't buy alcohol or have it in the house. I guess it's no different than when someone talks to me about wanting to lose weight. I have never had a problem with being overweight, so I don't understand why they don't just stop eating so much. I haven't experienced it first hand, so I don't "get" it. And I probably make them feel like shit when I tell them to just stop buying so much food or to not have it in the house.

Its not something that you just learn by thinking, but by doing. How do you believe you can change the above factors?

Now I need to think of ways to change things, which leads me to the next quote from the other thread.....

Your brain pretty much goes into fight and defense mode now every weekend.

Now that I'm aware of what happens, and why, I need to find a way to change it. If my brain automatically goes into fight and defense mode, how do I prevent it? I don't know where to begin.

 

[anthony]

You're thinking to hard about it all JB... start simple and keep it simple, then progress. Your already trying to think beyond just simple, hence why you're stuck.

You've identified the direct correlations between your childhood weekend activities and present weekend fallout. Your husband working out of town on a weekend only makes it that much worse, as then that direct correlation gives you free time to kill until your husband returns, where you spend more time together vs. alone.

So... start small and look at all available options to begin somewhere with the weekend behaviours:

• You need to change your weekend habits... getting a hobby, an evening activity that isn't around alcohol?
• Instead of fighting your friends, if true friends, then be straight with them to help you limit alcohol consumption, not encourage you. Its not about details, its about social behaviours and the inclusion of alcohol. Start to change them.
• Change alcohol to portion size containers, so you can measure what you drink more accurately and set limits by how much you buy.
• Some of this is pure will power and effort, in that you have to actually force yourself to stick to your goals. You can't set a goal if you intentionally continue to dismiss it, because it means you don't really want to change, you just want to continue making excuses why you can't change. Will power and effort. Nothing is just easy... but not impossible either.
• etc etc etc

You have to locate specific points in your weekend as the pivotal points in which you go one direction or another. Isolate them and this is where decisions get made. I would say you do need a support person of some type who you must accept their word and listen too. Again... you either want to change or you will make excuses for your ongoing behaviour. I made excuses for years before I seriously wanted to change... and it was when my wife then threatened to walk out the door... that's what it took me before I seriously committed to change.

Don't get to that point. As I found... the damage is already done and cannot be repaired.

 

[Crusoe]

and it was when my wife then threatened to walk out the door... that's what it took me before I seriously committed to change.

Oh dear no hope for me then. That didn't work for me. He still continues to drink too much although he has got a little better lately. Never lasts though. :(

 

[anthony]

He still continues to drink too much although he has got a little better lately. Never lasts though. :(

He needs to want to change! He needs to find that one thing in his life more important than alcohol at that time that he will be willing to change. He has to want to better his own life. You can't help someone who doesn't want to change... that is fact. You can change though with help, if you want to change.

I wanted to change, but just didn't know where to start. Different dynamic Crusoe.

 

[Crusoe]

I totally agree. I just don't think either he or I have worked out what that something is for him.

 

[Lucycat]

I too have had an ongoing battle with alcohol. However I have now got 'some' degree of control over it. But I have been at this good point before and still slipped back.

I followed some of the advice that Anthony has given above and told very close friends that I was stopping/reducing drinking.The village pub is a very big part in our life ( we live next door) and at first I did find the pressure to have an alcoholic drink horrendous. Now they accept when I go in I will usually have a cola.

I have stopped drinking completely at home- even when my husband offers to share a bottle of wine with me. It has got to the point when he will say 'you DON'T want any of this do you?'.

However I will now have a drink if I'm dining out, or at a party/social event. I have found that my tolerance has dropped and after just a couple of glasses of wine I am decidedly tipsy. I still feel the urge to continue until I am drunk, but I mostly avoid it, and I don't become defensive if my friends say I've had enough. I accept that their judgement is actually more accurate than my own.

Last weekend I was out with friends, and did not think I was drunk. However the next morning the hangover was awful. My friends were shocked as they too did not think I'd had THAT much. However, once I had recovered I found it was a positive step. My body is no longer used to the quantity of alcohol I poured into it, so that must be a good sign? It also served to remind me why it is that I don't want to get back to the habit of daily drinking!