Hello my name is Terry i am 33 years old I am recovering from complex PTSD and alcohol and cocaine addiction.
I spent most of my adulthood in denial about the horror of my childhood. my mother abandoned me for heroin before i could even remember her face.
my father who brought us up was also addicted to heroin but his stance on are childhood was that it was not all that bad because he did not beat us or sexually abuse me and my sisters...severe emotional and physical neglect is really not all that bad.
To give my trauma an even more complicated slant my mother was murdered in my early 20s working as a prostitute to buy her drugs.
are father continues to abuse me and my sister by emotionally abusing us, scapegoating us refusing to apoligise or have any dialogue about the past , and condoning one of are other sisters violence against us because she is his golden child.
Despite all this i can maintain some resemblance of being someone who has never had all this happen to them I have a full time job. I wear the mask . I do a great performance. I feel exhausted to the point of depression and suicidal ideation often. sometimes I think my childhood has broken me beyond repair. but sometimes i feel positive and hopeful. Sometimes I really love the world sometimes I really hate it. But I am not giving up without a fight.
I spent most of my adulthood in denial about the horror of my childhood. my mother abandoned me for heroin before i could even remember her face.
my father who brought us up was also addicted to heroin but his stance on are childhood was that it was not all that bad because he did not beat us or sexually abuse me and my sisters...severe emotional and physical neglect is really not all that bad.
To give my trauma an even more complicated slant my mother was murdered in my early 20s working as a prostitute to buy her drugs.
are father continues to abuse me and my sister by emotionally abusing us, scapegoating us refusing to apoligise or have any dialogue about the past , and condoning one of are other sisters violence against us because she is his golden child.
Despite all this i can maintain some resemblance of being someone who has never had all this happen to them I have a full time job. I wear the mask . I do a great performance. I feel exhausted to the point of depression and suicidal ideation often. sometimes I think my childhood has broken me beyond repair. but sometimes i feel positive and hopeful. Sometimes I really love the world sometimes I really hate it. But I am not giving up without a fight.
