Reality Checks Needed - tenant situation

[scout86]

First, good for you for doing what you've done so far. She's probably had a lot more "practice" getting people to give in to her than you've had removing people like her from your life. (I have no idea if her life style is a conscious plan & I've definitely wondered.)

I also wonder if her daughter really has a serious medical problem....

Hang in there! I hope someday soon she's gone!

 

[Muttly]

Ok, it's been a while since I posted to this thread. So an update....

I read a lot of legal stuff and decided the safest thing to do was give her a 20 day notice to leave. Not for failure to give rent, but ending a month to month lease basically. I did it that way, because I haven't been consistent enough in enforcing her paying the rent and hadn't given her written receipts. I didn't want legal technicalities messing it up.

With the support of my T and help from you all, I've been consistent in my response to her. She's given me sob stories and told me about complications and I've basically said "ok, but you still have to leave by June 5th." Earlier this week she asked me for some money to deal with the septic issue she is having. A long time ago I had offered some money for that. I told her no, I had no money (sadly the truth) and that we could deduct it from the rent she owes. She then said how she couldn't fix the trailer until the septic was fixed and she wasn't going to be able to finish fixing the trailer by June 5th. It was super hard for me, but I stuck with the same line I've been giving her. I reminded her *again* that she didn't get to keep the trailer her until it was fixed. That was not the agreement. She keeps going back to that. I told her she needed to find another place to store the trailer after the 5th and she could keep fixing it there.

So... that day she had a couple friends come over. First friend and her did some yelling back and forth. Some of that yelling may have been just shouting while repairs were being done? Then her boyfriend (or whatever he is) showed up. More yelling revving engines, guy 1 left. She then spent around an hour yelling at boyfriend. I don't particularly like the guy but I am beginning to wonder if I am wrong about some of my judgments about him. The yelling was triggering. My dog hated it too (probably triggering for him). I almost went out there and told them to shut up but ... I dunno. Probably too triggered and overwhelmed.

Then she told me she might have a place to take the trailer but she needs a letter of reference. She asked me if I'd consider writing one. And I was tempted to get her out, but it would be dishonest. And she's here with some other guy fixing things and now we get all stressed when she's here working because we don't want the yelling to start. (We are such wimps)

There's also the issue of the septic *again*. It's leaking and she's got a bucket under it. There's more we could say about that but we kind of ashamed of how we let the situation get out of control.

And it's getting down to the wire and we know we have to stay firm and we worried we not going to deal with things well.

 

[Sideways]

and now we get all stressed when she's here working because we don't want the yelling to start. (We are such wimps)

Not wimps at all.

Neighbours yelling is really distressing. But there’s a bigger issue here - one you’ve been working towards, and she’s been battling you against, for a long time.

Your main priority is getting her and the trailer off your property. And if you keep doing exactly what you’re doing? You’re now counting down the days. Awesome job. Seriously awesome.

When she starts yelling? You’re absolutely right that whoever she’s yelling at may in fact be there to help her move off you property. You know that when you approach her she uses it as an opportunity to try and bring don your resolve.

So the yelling is annoying. But when it comes up? Remind yourself that as long as you keep doing what you’re doing, the yelling and all of her shit is actually, finally, going to come to an end. For good.

You got this. You’re going to get your home back:)

 

[scout86]

but she needs a letter of reference. She asked me if I'd consider writing one.

It must be at least a little tempting to write up one that accurately describes what she's been like to deal with.

You're nearly done with this mess, I hope. I think you've been doing a fine job and you'll manage. (She might get a little more desperate before she leaves. It's just a tactic, don't feel you have to give in!)

 

[blackemerald1]

Please put embarrassment & bad feelings about yourself away. You've handled this situation in real life, for real, all by yourself & I think you're doing a very good job in maintaining your resolve & being honest.

If you write a glowing reference I'd put money on it that it will end up being used against you. That has happened so please don't be tempted.

She's throwing a lot of guilt etc your way. She's trying to hold you to ransom... giving her money now....and then she'll leave??? wow! Good try but NO! lol Well done for resisting her extortive tactics.

You're hopefully nearly there. Imagine the bliss... no trailer.. no people.... sigh... SO peaceful.

Hang in there & be ready to do the next step if she doesn't go.

 

[Friday]

You’re doing great. June 6th you call the city (county? State patrol? I kind of forget) and get them to tow the sucker off if she hasn’t. Then she can deal with them.

Good call, btw, on refusing the letter of reference. It’s NOT your problem where she moves it, nor would an honest letter from you assist matters. It’s being moved by the 5th or 6th and no longer your problem whatsoever. You sold it. It’s not yours. It’s been sitting leaking sewage all over your property for way too long. It’s gone & she’s gone and good riddance.

 

[blackemerald1]

Good point about the sewerage! A call to the health dept or similar might speed things up too. :)

 

[Muttly]

I work today, so will miss some of the noise and chaos. I am so glad. I have the next two days off after that. Which is fantastic. It's been a while since I had two days off in a row. But... I am also dreading being around and hearing and having to deal with her. You all say I'm not a wuss but I sure feel like one. Why can't I get righteously indignant like normal people?

@Sideways thanks for the reminder that the yelling and all the other literal and figurative crap will soon be gone. I guess I start thinking with trauma brain when the yelling starts

@scout86 I actually like the idea of writing up a factual letter of ... non-reference. It might help me keep perspective

@Friday It would be the state patrol. I guess it's getting close enough I should remind myself what the process is. Why does the whole thing scare me so much? Like big, swirl thoughts, little one crying in panic.

@blackemerald1 Yes, to be comfortable in my yard again would be great. To not smell literal shit... I still feel stupid for letting this go so far. I don't want to call any authority about the septic. Since I'm the property owner where the trailer sits, I am afraid I could get in trouble.

 

[scout86]

I have the next two days off after that.

If it's at all feasible, you might try coming up with some place else to be those days. Camping trip? Visiting friends/ relatives, whatever's safe?

You're NOT a wuss. This kind of thing is unpleasant for most people. When I think about it, you'd have to be a little strange not to be bothered it. (My brother the narcissist loves stuff like this because he enjoys fighting with people.)

 

[Friday]

I am afraid I could get in trouble.

The absolute WORST thing that can happen? IF you got “into trouble”?

They’d tell you to clean it up, give you x number of days (usually 90) to do so, and give you resources to reach out to if it’s beyond your means.

THAT’S “trouble”.

That’s nothing to worry about, hon.

You’re not being lined up against the wall, or beaten, or starved, or thrown in prison. You’re given a notice to clean up & resources. If, after months of repeat notices & failure to comply & no good faith effort on your part? You’re looking at.... a fine. Which can be paid off at $10 a month.

You’re going to be okay.

 

[Ronin]

I still feel stupid for letting this go so far.

You’re not letting it go this far.

She made it go this far & continues to be a nuisance, despite your continued (very chill & very reasonable in demands) attempts to fix the issue since it started.

& You may not be feeling brave, but are tackling things just fine. Verymuch normal people well. That you are tired from dealing with the whole thing doesn’t make your reactions off.

 

[blackemerald1]

Since I'm the property owner where the trailer sits,

I think since you've sold the trailer and given her (as the new owner) notice to move it and revoked her right to allow it to remain on your property..... and she's failed/refused to move it... well how can you be found at fault?

I don't know - it's civil law. Do you have a local legal aid office where you can get some advice?

I too also do not believe you are a wuss. This is on her and she's a trickster... But you are on to her manipulations and hopefully she will leave. Please do find out what to do next if she hasn't moved on as requested.