Redefining Mentally Ill

[shimmerz]

Okay, this last episode has really got me thinking. Some of you may have read my posting 'Still Running' and some many not have. Here is the thing.

I have done the heavy lifting. I have recognized that somethings need to be adjusted in my life. I have done therapy session after therapy session for 8 years now. I have looked at the hard truth's in my life and am dealing with them with commitment and tenacity. So I need to ask this question. Who is mentally ill here?

Right now I have had enough therapy to be able to see the forest and the trees that haunt my mind due to past 'issues' that I allowed myself to be a part of. I feel like this is something I have overcome. I get dysfunction and plan on keeping away from it at all costs. I am not going to be that girl anymore.

I have always taken offense when someone refers to me as mentally ill. I am damaged. I am working on that damage. I am seeing that damage. I will rise above the damage.

Then I look at the aggressors in my life. The ones who have no thought or consideration for the havoc that they wreak. The ones who feel so powerless that they need to victimize their own children or someone else's. Is that not mentally ill? Why are they not being labelled as such? Why do I get the label when clearly the things done to me were done by someone who is not at all right? Because I choose to get help and they don't? Is that why they aren't considered an ill person?

I speak to doctors about what they did and they say I am mentally ill? I don't hurt people! I don't smash small people around! I don't victimize others! I don't go out and seek vengeance. WTF? Is this not the hidden mental illness in this world? The one that nobody looks at? If it wasn't for them would I have a label of 'mentally ill'? If I was allowed to live my life without being a target to these people would I be all that I could be?

Seriously? What if all the perpetrators were called to task? Who would we be then?

 

[RussH]

@shimmerz
I have been reading your post, but don't remember all the details, so I am going to ask a question:
Is the only mental issue you deal with related to your trauma? Or do you have other mental issues aside from PTSD?

The reason I ask is, PTSD is not mental illness. It is considered a phychological injury as the result of trauma, so if PTSD is the only issue then I can catagorically say that you are not the one that is mentally ill.

I agree with you; the abusers who hurt and damage others are the ones mentally ill.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have asked myself and my therapists the same question. No answers, though. I do resent that I have to work so hard for wellness, including fighting for coverage for my medical bills, and my abusers are living the life of Riley. Correction, my step grandfather had Alzheimer's and died. My parents think my grandmother killed him with an overdose, but he was old and they decided not to pursue that.

 

[shimmerz]

@RussH, I think that PTSD comes with a variety of issues but the core for me, it seems is the PTSD. I am agoraphobic (because of my PTSD situation). I was borderline (very black and white thinking), I have beat that. I was OCD (safety first so let's arrange my stuff again because I can control that), again due to the PTSD. I have fainting spells when I am frightened (over things that most would not be frightened of but as I do the work I see that there is a root logic to these spells).

So yes, I would have to say that these issues were mine but I have seen them and worked to re-balance myself. Am I paranoid? I am asking myself that right now but tbph I have not felt this paranoia until I realized that they were potentially after me again. That could be disputed because I put myself at risk by not providing an address for others to see. Is that paranoid or is it based on past issues that were very real and had me fleeing all the time. I do, however, suffer from being out in the open because I am afraid of being attacked (again this revealed itself after the PTSD dx). I am working on that.

But you see, without all of this stuff that happened, I was a living, breathing, highly functional person who enjoyed life and didn't hurt a fly. My biggest mistake was trusting the wrong people and the system as a whole. I just wish these perpetrators would be called to task.

 

[RussH]

Is it paranoia? I don't think so. You have been traumatized, and have a ligimate concern for future trauma, if your abuser finds you, so I don't call it paranoia; I call it prudence.

Are the issues yours? Yes, but that does not make you mentally ill. It means you have suffered a psychological injury, and the symptoms you exibit are a result of the injury, and not illness. I know this is a fine point, but I find comfort in the distinction.

I truly hope and pray that you find your healing, and also that you abuser is legally dealt with, so you no longer need to fear him.

You deserve to live your life, and I truly hope you will soon be able to do so.

I do not fear open spaces. I am very uncomfortable in crowded situations. I was frequently abused in crowded school hallways, so foe me, crowded areas are high threat areas.

 

[scout86]

Last week, when I was filling out paperwork at the eye doctor's, there was a form with a long list of "medical conditions you might have". I was running down the list, checking "no" and came to "mental health issues". Almost marked "no", because that's what I've always done in the past, then it occurred to me, "Ummm, your therapist is meeting you here in a few minutes, because he thinks it might be helpful when you get to the part where they have to touch your eye to measure the pressure. That was THERAPIST. Yeah, that might indicate a mental health issue." LOL I put it down, but I mentioned it to him (my T) later on. But, that's not, literally what he meant.

I get your point, though. I suspect that most "abusers" would get a diagnosis, if they actually bothered to seek help. My T says the biggest problem with "treating" them is that they typically don't think there's anything wrong, so they don't think they need help. They may get a diagnosis, if they get involuntarily involved with the system, but that's usually the only way.

All of that is just technicalities. We all are what we are, whether we get a label or not. I agree, though, a world without perpetrators would be a better place!

 

[shimmerz]

All of that is just technicalities. We all are what we are, whether we get a label or not

Agreed as I put very little on labels for myself. If I fell into taking on labels I would feel disempowered. I am not my label in accordance to the 'dsm' imho but am myself along with my brutal past. I am working on this and have been for quite a while. I feel like if I accepted the label of mentally ill that I might as well just give up the ghost. Is it hereditary? Well for me it seems like it is not from an organic source but instead an environmental one (raised for two years by crazies and your vision is slightly crazy until you challenge it).

It means you have suffered a psychological injury, and the symptoms you exibit are a result of the injury

I firmly agree with this but I feel that people don't see the distinction. Psychologists, psychiatrists tend to paint with a mental illness brush instead of recognizing this type of affect as an injury. Injuries can be treated. I so wish there was a distinction between the perpetrators and the injured from those who victimize.

I have no problem being seen as wounded - as it gives me the strength to continue the fight - but seriously - I was at the police station about a year and a half ago dealing with a man who threatened me, the police etc with violence (a gun, etc). The only reason the police helped was because he p*ssed THEM off by threatening them. Then I was told that 'he was mentally ill as well'. Are you kidding me? Are you lumping me in with a guy who threatened the police with a gun? Who was actively aggressive with the police when all I wanted was to be out of there? I showed no violence, I simply wanted out. How do you put me into the same grouping as him?

 

[Chava]

I hear you. I was pretty badly scapegoated in my family. I was the royal shame, even though both of my parents had obvious symptoms of mental illness but since they were "fine" they didn't need any help. I've never hurt anyone either, only myself...but that alone will make even crappy therapists wonder why I'm so crazy.

Personally, I don't tell many people outside of some AA friends about what I'm going through. And I don't consider it "mental illness"...even though I don't mean to think of that as demeaning. I think mental illness is too stigmatized. But the truth is, I've been kind of sick for a long time. However, I do appreciate the notion of "injury" a little better. My nervous system was badly injured early on and needs some help in coming back online, into the range of being able to tolerate life more easily and connect with others better (versus feel like I'm in survival mode most of the time).

As for the others, the perpetrators who go on with no diagnosis or thinking they are "fine"...it's just too bad they will lead lives of blunted unawareness as you go forward and become a more aware and connected human being, one with compassion and integrity that they will probably never have.

 

[Justmehere]

You are right in the sense that the abusers should be paying the price, THEY should be the ones working their asses off to fix life and themselves... And you are SO RIGHT that it's beyond unfair we have to do all this work to heal and change because of what they did to us and how they injured us and all the ways we have tried to adjust and cope to survive.... If they had not done what they did, yeah, we likely would not have the mental illness of PTSD.

I am mentally ill? I don't hurt people! I don't smash small people around! I don't victimize others! I don't go out and seek vengeance. WTF? Is this not the hidden mental illness in this world? The one that nobody looks at? If it wasn't for them would I have a label of 'mentally ill'? If I was allowed to live my life without being a target to these people would I be all that I could be?

I want to push back on one thing: Mental illness doesn't = hurting people, victimizing others, etc. The majority of people with mental illnesses do not do those things. People who hurt people, and do all those horrible things, may also have a mental illness, but mental illness doesn't = all those horrible things.

I think that's the first place to start when (re)defining what mental illness is.

PTSD is a diagnosable mental health problem. I have mental illness of PTSD. Yes, I said it. But that doesn't even put us in the same category as anyone who abuses people. It doesn't make us worse than our abusers.

Yes, your abusers probably were very ill, but they also committed criminal acts and maybe they were criminally insane, but I don't know... (Not even people who actively hallucinate are always considered criminally insane.) It's somewhat likely they knew right from wrong and they did wrong. If they did not, then they need to be locked up for the rest of their lives in a hospital for the criminally insane. If they knew right from wrong, then they should be in jail for the rest of their lives, mental illness or not!

But if we start calling every wrong and abusive thing a person does a mental illness or being due to a mental illness, then hell yeah, I never want to be called mentally ill.

That's not what mental illness is. Mental illness has so many wrong connotations and downright dangerous stigma... All it means is that our mental health is not what it could be - and with PTSD, describing it as a psych injury is perfect. If I am psychologically injured, it doesn't mean I'm 100% mentally well, nor does it mean I'm bad, nor does it mean that's it's my fault.

I fully understand why it feels so bad though to be called mentally ill. It's because people think mental illness = all those bad things. It's usually used to devalue people too. And you have ever right to be angry about all of it. The abusers are the ones with the serious problems and need to do serious work. And yeah, you have PTSD... but having the mental health condition of PTSD doesn't even put you in the same category as them nor does it make you bad in any way. That's why I'm pushing back. It's not the right comparison to see mental illness as meaning you are bad, and thus the more bad people must be more mentally ill... or that being an abuser = mentally ill, or vice versa.

Seriously? What if all the perpetrators were called to task? Who would we be then?

They are criminals. They would be jailed and otherwise hopefully be forced to work their asses off. And we would still be who we already are: strong courageous people fighting to heal from all the wounds they caused. We would still be injured, and need treatment to heal from the psych injury they caused.

Take this example:
Someone stabs me and also breaks my leg.
I have to go get sitches, get a cast on, work with physical therapists to heal... etc. All of it is NOT FAIR nor ok that *I* have to do this work because of someone else's actions. It's what being a victim is. (Oh I hate that word victim almost as much as I hate the word mentally ill...)

The perpetrator who stabbed me and broke my leg goes to jail for their criminal act and is also forced to get treatment for whatever mental illness and other issues they had going on. Their criminal status doesn't change the fact that I still have to work to heal my leg. It's not fair. It's not right. I'm not bad for it. It's an injury needing healing.

Being injured doesn't put me in the same category as them, not even remotely. Not even when the injury caused is a psych injury.
If people started seeing the mental illness/wounding of PTSD like people see a broken leg that needs to be healed too, I think being called mentally ill wouldn't hurt so damn bad. I think people would also understand why abuse is so horribly bad. People understand physical illness and wounds a lot better than they do mental ones.

Committing crimes/ being abusive and being mentally ill from psychological injury are not even in the same category.

 

[jocko]

I see it now as our entire society as obviously painfully 'mentally ill' and only some seem to take the rap for it, you're right it is hidden. The entire way of looking at 'mental health' is outdated and badly in need of overhaul like everything else but then we identify with the strong more than the 'weak' even if they are predators; the strong rule these institutions for profit which isn't to say there aren't great people working within who have entirely different goals. People becoming more aware of mental/emotional health means they'd become more conscious of their own suffering and the contributing factors towards it (such as surrounding enviroment) and many aren't prepared to do that, it would undermine many core assumptions they might have.

I dunno, i have alot of conflicting thoughts about it. I think part of it is so obviously social control and perception management but then I'm paranoid and anything I say would be automatically suspect. See how it works?

Sorry if I'm not making much sense.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I agree strongly with other replies here in that a) most people who are abusers are mentally ill b) there is more than one type of mentally ill and c) negative stigma surrounds mental health problems. In these regards I feel that maybe you see this in a black and white manner.

Mental ill health isn't you either have it or you don't, everyone has mental health and it ranges from being exceptionally good to exceptionally poor. Within those ranges are many disorders all wide ranging. Someone who has a cold is vastly different to someone with pneumonia who is vastly different to someone with multiple sclerosis . Similarly with mental health, someone who experiences a short period of listlessness and low mood is vastly different to someone with major depression who is vastly different to someone schizophrenia.

I also think you are looking at mental health negatively, personally I would say everyone here with perhaps the exception of some of the supporters have mental health problems that's not a bad thing, it just is. Saying that you aren't mentally unwell seems like denial to me although clearly we have very different definitions! I also think (and all these are my personal views) that perhaps it is normal for many people including those with mental ill health to believe because the stigma that mental illness is some huge negative, possibly dangerous, unknowable, unfathomable thing that other people, possibly only weak people have. When in all actualities a minimum of 1 in 4 people experience a mental health problem in any one year, how many experience one (or more) in a life time must be huge.

If you haven't already guessed, yes I consider myself mentally ill. My sister is too and my primary abuser, my father was also mentally ill, he had a number of issues, he was manic depressive and had OCD, though that influenced his bad moods, it did not cause him to be abusive towards me. His narcissism certainly contributed, in my other experiences with narcissists though all unpleasant, not all were so extremely abusive. Not even all psychopaths are bad people, merely unable to feel empathy. So really the only thing that makes someone abusive is not mental illness at all, it's them being bad people.

E hugs nonetheless, I hope you find some understanding and peace over this :)

 

[KwanYingirl]

I don't mark "yes" for mental disorders or alcohol dependence. If my insurance company disagrees after all the money they've paid for therapy and shrink I'm ok with that. It's the secretaries in doctors offices that I know talk about people and I run a business in town and have an image to uphold.