Self Pity, Attention Seeking And Not Trying

[TheObserver]

Hello.

I am a former member here and sometimes I still like to come here and read posts.

I have noticed there are still some active members from when I was here and they haven't really made much progress.

I notice they are still stuck in self pity,seeking attention and not trying.

This place is a very good starting point but there comes a time when you need to take what you have learned and apply it in real life.Misery loves company and continuing to come here year after year,whining and complaining,isn't helping yourself,it is just prolonging it.

I probably sound mean,but I worked my ass off here during ny active membership,my goal was to become functioning by learning all that I could.

It just makes me sad to see those same people here,hanging on,afraid to let go and move on in life.

 

[Hope4Now]

Your post sounds as if you are feeling really angry about that. I'm glad you have made good progress in your life...I'm so glad for you. I hope that you can take it into your heart that not everyone follows the same path up the mountain of healing. We all get there eventually, in our own ways. Some of us do a lot of switchback trails, or end up on expert trails when we're beginners, so we have to start all over again.

There are more supportive ways of reconnecting with people you once knew on the board than the way you have presented in this post.

 

[Chava]

Well, WTF.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that you have made a lot of assumptions.

Many of us come here and only really talk about our problems so of course we look a bit whiny at times. That is, we don't post all of the wonderful things going on in our lives. (I don't post about any of my accomplishments because I hate feeling like I am bragging. Yes, a personal hang up of mine, and no, I don't think others are bragging when they post their own accomplishments). Others have no other type of support and the forum is the only place that they have to get help.

I think its important to remember that people heal at different rates. Someone with adult trauma will, on average, heal more quickly than someone with childhood trauma. The same goes for one incidence trauma versus complex trauma.

I have no doubt that people on the outside may look at me and think I'm not healing. But, those who live with me day in and day out know that I am getting better, even if my progress is slow at times. And I know that may not be reflected here on the forum, either.

I don't personally see much of the self-pity stuff. Well, at least not overall. I think we all have our self-pity moments, but to be honest, I can't really think of anyone who is constantly in that sort of mind frame. Same goes for the attention seeking and not trying.

I am a long term member, and so yes, it is a bit disconcerting to read a post like this because I think "whoa, is he talking about me?!?"

I think that PTSD sufferers deal with enough judgment in the world, and while it is good to sometimes get a nice swift kick in the ass to move us forward, a post like this is a slap in the face to those of us who are indeed long term members because none of us are going to know if you're actually referring to *us* specifically, or if you mean someone else.

And I don't think that long term membership means that someone is afraid to let go and move on in life. (Now that you're healed, are you sure you remember what it means to have PTSD? The very definition of the disorder means that our minds are stuck in the past and we can't just decide to let go. That only comes with healing, which varies significantly from person to person.)

Just my $0.02.

 

[illusionist]

Maybe those people have been away and come back again?.....from my years of experience that's how Ptsd works.....I know that I will seek support for the rest of my life...as and when required. I certainly don't seek attention, have self pity and don't try....but I am realistic.

 

[intothelight]

Personally, I've been around here many years now and I have seen people reach a level of recovery and move on. Some of those former members drop in to say "hi" and give updates and others come back for a while for the support as they have hit a rough patch. Honestly, I can't recall one coming back as a guest to pass judgement or to express pity for people that are still struggling.

Yes, there are members who for whatever reason seem to get stuck. I always figure I can give a suggestion or offer encouragement, but what they do is their own choice, and if they choose not to do, that isn't my problem.

One thing I like to see is more success stories and posts on how problems, symptoms, adversity, etc. were overcome or managed. So if you've made great progress instead of passing judgement or bringing negativity to the forum, share the success and give people ideas, encouragement and some hope that it will and does get better.

 

[fellowsufferer]

I am a new member, and i don't have the impression that this forum promotes self-pity or doing nothing, or attention seeking. Instead it gives hope, validation, encouragment to overcome, so i don't see any point in your post!

 

[Dana1010]

Life is hard. Period. Those who haven't suffered a lot of trauma are lucky enough to live in relative ignorance; those who have and developed PTSD as a result may heal over time with a lot of help, but they can never revert to naivete. They still are and always will be trauma survivors. There are memories seared into their brains that will likely haunt them in the still of the night forever. Trusting again is practically impossible, not because of irrational fears, but because the danger is all too real. It's like telling yourself it's perfectly safe to put your hand in a blender.

On the other hand, it's possible that you never had PTSD, but were simply unhappy or obsessive over your past. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but you seem pretty flip about the whole thing, and I don't know if a real survivor would ever talk about PTSD in such a tone.

 

[SeaQuel]

Ok I'm not even a long-time member, but really?!?!?!

And you're posting this as a guest?

@Chava describes it perfectly here:

Well, WTF.

And @intothelight said what I would say if I were actually choosing to be diplomatic and contributing productively:

So if you've made great progress instead of passing judgement or bringing negativity to the forum, share the success and give people ideas, encouragement and some hope that it will and does get better.

Would you feel the same if you were once a member of an AA type group and noticed some long-time members were still having trouble keeping their sh*t together? Or is that somehow different?

 

[Pencil]

Troll.

 

[Chava]

And loads of people will respond to this poster (guilty). Resolving old patterns isn't simply a matter of hard work. I work hard often doing roughly the same thing over and over in different variations before I even realize I'm stuck in a bad pattern...or I try something new and take two steps back. I work my ass off being stuck sometimes.

To get judgey and analytical, sort of like the poster, I know I look down on people who seem stuck and needing others, even if for "attention" when I personally want to forget ever being stuck myself and wall myself off from any of those feelings of helplessness or powerlessness. Also, one my worst fears is needing anything or anyone. Attention and those who seek it make my skin crawl...sometimes because I don't know how to get it myself, so f*ck you world. When I'm most bitter I think others who need anything, including other people, sort of suck. It's called bitterness. And it comes from my familiar place of not being okay with any feelings. Or whatever place lets me think others suck to feel like I have one up on them somehow. But, that's just my story.

From my outside and limited perspective though, I just assume the original poster has a stick up his/her butt regarding some members and has also chosen to cut off past feelings of need and powerlessness and chosen the pride mask/shield. That's just how this reads.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

Please tell us your real account name so we can read your previous posts and learn from your fount of knowledge!

How's the weather up there on your high horse?