Seriously Worried/ Intimacy Too Difficult

[Shellbell]

I totally understand these fears about intimacy. There has been none between my husband and I for probably six months since I had a flashback at a really bad time. Even before that things were far from great. I can't even handle thinking about intimacy anymore. I've given up on my marriage now and know he will leave me. Sex is a big thing for him. He shouldn't have to have a life without it. It's not his fault.

Lacey101, I am so happy for you that you have an understanding husband and really feel for anyone experiencing any of these issues. There's a lot of shame and guilt involved.

 

[Lacey101]

Thank you Shellbell. I often consider leaving him so he can be happy. My best friend cut me off because she used to have feelings for my husband and said I wasn't good enough for him. This just made it harder not to leave so he can be fulfilled. In time, I may leave him because to think I am responsible for his suffering, is too much to bear.

I feel disgusting when he is intimate with me, invaded, powerless. I explored my feelings for women and this liberated me to be with him as well, free from fear. But he wavers on it. That is why my best friend turned on me and told me I was useless, that he deserves better. I am now not involved with anyone at all and all sex irritates me.

My husband and I are intimate every months or so but each time, I am unhappy with myself for being broken, for crying and having flashbacks. Either I will accept myself or I will leave. I really don't know yet. I want him to be happy and I also want to be happy as well.

 

[Lacey101]

Accept the good in you even if it outshines others briefly and they cling to hatred for you-- it is not really you they hate, but themselves. Accept the things about you that you cannot change, they are going to be there your whoe life, might as well get used to it. Accept the bad in you briefly, only to forgive yourself and learn from it. Accept you. -- my own advice that is hard to follow.

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you Lacey101. I have a huge fear that I will never be able to have intimacy again with anyone. I am too damaged and broken.

Your advice about accepting ourselves and forgiving ourselves is so true, but so incredibly hard to do.

It is good that you try to be intimate with your husband, but I'm sorry it is so hard and you feel so badly and having flashbacks in the middle is so horrendous I know. I really hope you and your husband can get through it all and stay together.

 

[Lacey101]

Thank you all! It is at least nice to know im not alone.

 

[Sues]

Thank you for posting this Lacey. I feel for you. Like Shellbell said..

I have a huge fear that I will never be able to have intimacy again with anyone. I am too damaged and broken.

Just the thought of going on a date or having someone touch me freaks me out. I have no desire to be with anyone ever again.

I feel for you because you love your H and want to be with him. I am praying for you and him. I hope you both can find a way to be happy together.

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you Sues. It's all very hard and I understand exactly how you feel.

I guess we have to hope that things will change in the future.

 

[Sues]

For right now, I am ok with being alone. I actually need to be alone for a while and I enjoy it. But for those like Lacey who are married or in a relationship, I cannot imagine what it must be like. There are so many things about this that seem unfair and a burden to us and those around us.

 

[Shellbell]

There is a huge amount of guilt, shame and fear for me being in a relationship with these issues.

I feel guilty that I am not a normal wife for my H, shame because of what caused it and that I don't feel like a real woman and fear that he will leave me to be with someone normal. But also I know that I will deserve it if he does leave me.

 

[Sues]

You do not deserve it if he leaves you! Not ever. This is not your fault. It's like a rape victim saying it's their fault the rapist raped them. We know it's not their fault, but they don't see it that way. Please hang in there Shellbell!

 

[Lacey101]

I know we feel ashamed, extremely ashamed that we have such a hard time overcoming this. But It is not our fault. It's never our fault. We do what we can to our best abilitites and if it just is too much in the end, we at least tried. And I think love is worth it. It might be a mistake but it's worth making.

 

[Katz2]

Lacey101 and Shellbell, I will pray for the both of you. sending hugs too :hug: