Speechless... Can You Help?

[shimmerz]

There are times that I am stunned by humanity. Just when I think I have it, someone goes and changes my perception so drastically....and that happened yesterday.

I am in a dire situation. I have been since mid December. I am homeless, I am uncertain and feeling like a bother and wondering from one night to the next whether I will survive. I am wandering from spot to spot and it is having an effect on me. It is hard to really hold onto the healing I have done when I have such a transient lifestyle. I am safe for the next two weeks, but after that, I have no idea.

I spoke a minister friend of mine yesterday. We normally chat every week. It seems like she has had her 'feelers' out for me and spoke to another friend of mine (acquaintance really), who she knew has a basement apartment. She spoke to her about my situation and this person apparently wholeheartedly agreed to my living in her apartment for free until I able to get back on my feet again, stressing that it made no difference how long that took.
I was stunned. I didn't expect this at all. My minister asked me to send her off an email letting her know that I was aware of her generous offer and ask further questions. The problem is, I have no idea what to say...what to ask. I am so tongue tied....and I was just wondering if there was any advice here from any of you as to what I say to her? Many thanks....

 

[Casey_03]

Tell her you are speechless, be completely honest. She will appreciate the honesty.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Can you meet up with her in real life or would that make it more difficult? Maybe writing an email would give you more time to think about your questions, on the other hand (if you're going to live with her) it would seem like a good move to meet up once or a couple of times before moving.

I also think she'll appreciate honesty. You can also ask her how come she's so generous -maybe she likes to have roommates. You can say you think it's really cool of her (or your own way of saying that), and that you'd be glad to, and then maybe ask to meet up for coffee -or maybe go see the place where she lives (assuming you haven't seen it yet). Seeing the place will probably help with the speechless feeling :)

You don't have to say "yes" immediately either, unless you feel it's urgent. It's a big decision. You can also offer something like doing chores in return, if you might feel like it.

 

[Pencil]

I am often in a situation like that - I've been blessed with generosity, caring, time,effort etc from 'you know who'. Each time I can't find a way in which to thank her. 'Thank you' is hopelessly inadequate. Falling on my knees is totally embarrassing. I struggle to find something appropriate.

My guess is that she knows. I agree with @Casey_03 - tell her you are speechless.

I'm glad you opened up about what is happening in your life. I've been worried, but didn't want to pry. (If you talked about it elsewhere, I missed it.)

 

[scout86]

I can't say it any better than @Casey_03 ! Life is full of lessons. Some days you learn how to give, other days you learn how to receive. I'd sure check it out. It may not last a long time, but it might be just what you need to regroup.

 

[sun seeker]

Whew. I opened this thread all ready to problem solve and worried that it would be a situation I had no idea how to fix. I'm so glad you have at least a little breathing room to get on your feet without being bowled over again every time you turn around.

I'd say go into this assuming that your presence has value, whether or not you have money to offer. Maybe this woman feels better having people in her house. Maybe she is aware of the flow of energy; she has received generously so she wants to be generous in return. Maybe the two of you will become friends. Whatever it is, she has been clear about what she has to offer and I think you can believe her. By accepting help, you are letting yourself heal and have more to give in the future, whether it is to her or others. Once when I was completely broke a priest insisted on giving me money (and I'm not even Catholic) and when I was reluctant, told me it was just a loan, but instead of giving it back to him, I was to give it to the next person who needed it. Which I did. You are such a giving person but you have to be able to receive enough to keep the flow of energy moving.

Concretely, how about "Thank you. I don't know what to say. When can I come over and look at it?"

p.s. One thing I might clarify in your position is about utilities. She has made it clear that she doesn't need rent. Unless she usually heats her basement anyway (could be the case depending what kind of heat she uses) I would say check with her ahead of time about the heating bill to make sure there aren't going to be any expectations you can't meet. It will be spring soon but from the middle of March to the middle of April you're still going to need to heat the space, and you don't want to be worrying about needing to be warm enough. She's probably aware and fine with that, but it might feel better to make sure you're on the same page.

 

[shimmerz]

If you talked about it elsewhere, I missed it.

I did not. I did want to speak on the board about the good things that are starting to happen for me these days because each of you have been so wonderful, walking with me through these battles recently. I wanted to share the good with you as well. :hug: :hug:

I will be seeing this woman tomorrow night but we will be in a group setting. That will make it awkward to say anything about this.

 

[illusionist]

This is excellent news!....just be honest and say that you are speechless as it is such a generous offer and ask to pop round before you decide. I so hope this works out well for you, and gives you the helping hand you need right now.

 

[Eleanor]

First let me say that it is a great blessing to be able to help out someone who really benefits from the help. A lot more rare than one imagines it would be. So the very best thing you can do, from my point of view (after you check her and the place out with a critical eye to make sure it is a good spot for you) is to say THANK YOU, and then make the very most of the opportunity.

In my experience these things don't happen by accident. It is obvious that she has something you need. What is not yet obvious is how your presence there will aid her. The universe doesn't set up non-reciprocal stuff in my experience. The flow inevitably goes strongly both ways if we all do our jobs.

Keeping my fingers crossed that it is a safe harbor.

And the odd batch of cookies (or whatever) generally doesn't go amiss.:rolleyes:

 

[shandemonium]

I agree with @sun seeker in regard to utilities (as practical) and also about your value as a person in her house. I love what everyone has said so far!!

i often have fantasies about being wealthy enough to help the people who were good to me, or anyone who needs it. Maybe she was in your shoes once (?)

Many people are afraid to help because they don't want to be taken advantage of, or invite anything crazy in their lives. I think they know you are not a risk of that stuff (the pastor knows you I mean), and asking about utilities or being honest just shows more thoughtfulness on your part.

Take her up on her offer! :) Express your fears openly and honestly. I am so happy for you @shimmerz !! and was also relieved when I read the news

 

[seedling]

Since she made the offer she may be proactive in communicating to you about the situation, you may not have to bring it up all on your own.

How wonderful to have contact with someone willing to do something for others. I can see my mom doing this. She lives alone and has missed having others in the house with her. She's had many people live with her over the years and made some real friends.

Good luck!

 

[shimmerz]

Seriously, this is nuts. I have been sitting here all afternoon with my email open and a new message with her email address .... just waiting for me to type in the body of the message. I am flipped out. I need a place to stay. She has offered a place to stay. I can't do it. I am anxiety ridden. I picture moving there (anxiety), living there (more anxiety), ticking her off (off the scale anxiety). I know I have 'house issues' huge, I get that. I know where they come from. I am worried. So very worried. I should be more worried about having no place to live in less than 2 weeks! Oyyyyyy! I need a kick! Seriously, I get this, but I don't. Why is my anxiety going through the roof when I should be more anxious about no place to stay???? Anyone??? Help! I need to do this ....

What the hell is wrong with me?? So sorry.....