Sufferer Suffered With Ptsd For Years -- Need Relationship Advice

[Dont_look_back]

I have suffered with PTSD since I was 11 (which was over 10 years ago). I've figured out a lot of my own coping mechanisms but I'm in a relationship with a guy who really just doesn't know how to deal with it. I try not to make it his problem, but I've been triggered and had panic attacks around him and I sometimes just can't help it. Does anyone know of any good resources for partners of PTSD sufferers? I'd love to be able to give him some support beyond the advice I have.

Thanks everyone.

 

[WildMermaid]

Talk to him. :) My poor husband and I have been married for 15 years and he's known since day one is was broken and had PTSD some years have been rough, others incredible! If you trust him tell him what's up. He can also do some research and together you two can figure out plans of attack for episodes. I wish you nothing but the best. :)

 

[CeCee]

Having a supportive partner is a must as it makes life that little bit easier for you.
I printed off some information I found on the net & gave it to my husband to read. I also got him to have a chat to my therapist & he got to ask all the questions he had but he didn't want to ask me. It really made a difference so maybe give that a good :)
Also being completely open & honest about how you feel is such an important thing in a relationship.
I hope this helps!

 

[Sweetpea76]

There is an excellent book called "The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy" by Diane England. It explains a lot of the basics of PTSD and also has sections on communication and conflict resolution. I found it to be very helpful as a supporter.

This forum also has an excellent supporter section... I find it very helpful to talk to other supporters.

 

[Friday]

. I try not to make it his problem, but I've been triggered and had panic attacks around him and I sometimes just can't help it. .

The articles below ... (Just a sec, updating)
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/#post-173960

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/understanding-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd.86476/ click on the attachment



& this part of your question above... Some unsolicited advice: I've dated a lot. Was also married for a decade. Some of my boyfriends have dug my PTSD side of me, some it's been neutral, some it's been incredibly stressful & difficult for them, and some have outright hated it.

That's no different from someone liking, tolerating, frustrated by, or hating anything else about me. From my character to my political leanings, the way I relax or play, the way I get angry or the way I get silly, the way I look to my chosen field of employment. Et cetera. All of the varied components that make us individuals.

Trying to make any of these aspects walled off, or -only our problem- doesn't work long term. And part of what dating is about, arguably the biggest part, is finding someone for whom we are mostly in alignment.

I don't know if by not his problem you mean not hurting him, or you mean this in a way that he is incrediably stressed out by, or hates this aspect of you. If the latter? Both of you deserve to find someone who you are in Sympatico with. Just like one guy will hate how fat his girlfriend is and make it a problem, but the next guy doesn't give a rip, or finds it sexy as hell... As people we simply gel better with people who don't hate us or are stressed out by us. Again, not saying this is you & your relationship. But one thing I've found is that while I'm conditioned to not accept someone hating the way I look, I'm conditioned the other way that "my disorder" is "my problem". Well. No. Not really. It's part of me. Which means anyone I'm with needs to be okay with it at the very least. Lots of opposites have full & rewarding relationships. Even more turn into 50% divorce ratio. At least in my observation, it's the opposites who don't loathe or get worked up by their opposite, but are neutral to engaged in the dynamic who work out well. With each partner raising the other person up. Instead of one or both being "the one with the problem".

 

[WildMermaid]

I agree with Friday, being your true self is vital in any relationship. We all are a mix positive and negative traits and in the wide spectrum of the world we search for those whose neurosis can co-exist with our own.
“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
~Dr. Seuss
Don't be afraid of your weird, if he's your best friend and potential life partner he'll adapt, understand, and maybe try to help. It is possible he just does not know what you need and that is causing strife. Talk and listen. I hope everything works out well.

 

[intothelight]

@Dont_look_back Welcome to the forum!

You have received some great advice and beyond learning what he can about PTSD and accepting you for who you are, the two of you will have to work out the troublesome areas and move forward from there. Honor yourself and the relationship and if does the same then you can both find it rewarding and healthy.

 

[Dont_look_back]

Thank you all so much. I'm definitely going to look into that book and those articles for him. Bringing him in to see my therapist sounds like a great idea, though one I may need to prepare myself for first.

 

[CeCee]

Glad you got some help When I said getting him to see your therapist I don't mean with you. He can see them on his own & ask any questions he might have. That way neither of you are embarrassed about it. You go have a coffee or a drink & let him have a private chat. Good luck.