Therapist Insisting My Abusive Parents Love Me

[Gs172003]

A year or so ago my parents got scared by the police when I managed to somewhat get their attention(Thou...

What the heck is light sexual abuse?

 

[Gs172003]

Are you over the age of 18?

 

[watundah]

I am going to get off track a sec.
Ever think of moving? Find a job, live with a friend?
Rent a room and not let them know where you went?

A frog placed in a cool pot of water will sit in it as the heat slowly rises and it will die.
A frog thrown into the same pot when the water is already boiling will jump out as quick as it can.

It is scary to escape the known. Best to you.

 

[Ronin]

I know how some parents can get worried and paranoid for their kids, but what she does is over the top it feels.

(Assuming that) You're an adult; it falls more into a 'parents stalking their adult child'.

 

[Ronin]

Even right now, she's currently thinking about calling my clients to not let me work for them so I'll listen to her.

My response to this is just 'no, just no'.

Don't treat her as 'the parent' with rights to you.

Treat her as you would a dangerous stalker that you happen to know exceptionally well.

Get away. Get far away. Cut ties to her, cut ties to people connecting you with her. Separate her from your work life, from your finances, from information of your moves what so ever to the most degree possible. You're not powerless, you don't owe her anything, and she holds power to the extent the system makes it easy for her, so think of how to make her moves difficult for her.

 

[Silver.]

I am stuck on the light sexual abuse as well. If this is still continuing then you need to get out of there

 

[Justmehere]

People who love you wouldn't do this for 16/17 years of your life and force you to keep it secret or threaten you...

Are you a minor? (don't have to answer unless you want to.)

Living with abusers and being dependent on them for basic survival is a tough place to be. It usually makes it much harder to recover from abuse by them when living with them. Your therapist bringing up that you should forgive might have been meant in a sense to make life easier living with them until you can get out on your own. Is she supporting your desire to move out and working with you about how to do that?

Is this the same therapist who advocated for you to get an assessment for a possible diagnosis of psychosis for the intrusive images you posted about in another thread? Was this ever resolved? Your therapist may be trying to make a bad living situation more livable... until get support you need to become an more independent young adult. I'm not saying this is ok or right, just another possible interpretation.

Do you have a social worker or case management type of person involved in your care that might be able to help you sort out some of these things like transportation and housing so that way you are not as reliant on your parents?

I know that you believe your tone communicated how bad the comments about forgiveness made you feel, but our therapists need to hear us explain it. It can lead to what is called a "corrective emotional experience" to express a concern and have it heard. That being said, it's also painful when experiences are invalidated, especially if the invalidation becomes chronic.

I think it's worth it to have an honest and open conversation with her where you express your concerns. Then you will know more information about this therapist and where she was trying to go with this and what the next steps are moving forward.

 

[Gs172003]

Nimali I'm incredibility confused. I can't find where you have said what exactly is going on. Have you been honest with your therapist? I mean completely honest?

What about the police?

If you are withholding information, you won't get help. Are there details you need to tell them you aren't?

 

[Abstract]

Hmm... at a push I can understand her saying do you think they were concerned about you. Just as a check in. I cannot at all understand the rest of what she said. And in context of you telling her the history before this then all of it is inappropriate. That sort of reaction (if you were a child) is out of control and obsessive at best and controlling and invasive at worst. The appearance of being concerned is sometimes not at all about that. It can just be an excuse or get-out-of-jail-free-card to hide control and more out right abuse. Or an indication of the persons need and insecurity.

As Ronin said. if you were an adult then its full blown stalker stuff. You obviously are an adult now and it is still ongoing. What you describe about looking for work and her involvement sounds extraordinary. You must feel like a prisoner. It is not normal so don't doubt yourself..

Personally I think you need to go back to this therapist and explain exactly how you feel about this and about her reactions. I wouldn't just leave because you haven't given her a chance to see she handled that incorrectly. You also need to check with her exactly what she was getting at. Thats building good communication skills.

At this point when you are desperately trying to break free and leave home and are struggling - it doesn't matter if your mother is neurotic and trying or if she is only trying to cause control and harm. What you are experiencing is inappropriate regardless. If she is neurotic then its something she needs to deal with and isn't your responsibility. I wouldn't waste any energy trying to look at her motivations at present. Save all your energy for getting away. Once you are away it will be easier to see it all for what it is. You can tell your t that you want her help doing this too. Helping you get away before all else. And help you set boundaries with them. You need to get out.

An added note is that t's often list absolutely everything they have worked with as part of what they specialise in. If trauma is listed with everything and the kitchen sink then I personally don't give it any weight. What you would want to know is how many people with PTSD she has treated.How did they do. Has she done any specilised training on trauma. It can also be informative to ask her what her approach to treating trauma is,

 

[Deleted member 37343]

Nimali as a mom...no she shouldn't have "beat you up" as you say but do you live in a bad area? Is there...

No, both where my school was, where I work(the houses I go to and the people) and where I live are pretty safe. The people I work for are friends of everyone and friends of people I know or my mom so they're all connected. They're not completely random people since I am paranoid myself. She's always been this way.

 

[Deleted member 37343]

What the heck is light sexual abuse?

Meaning I was never forced into actual intercourse.. Sorry, I don't really feel like going into detail.

 

[Deleted member 37343]

Nimali I'm incredibility confused. I can't find where you have said what exactly is going on. Have you b...

Sorry I know I'm being confusing, I feel like I'm all over the place responding to these things. The police came before I met with a therapist.

Yes I have been honest with her. I find no reason to lie to her because I'm ready to figure things out. In a way I have been withholding information but because she hasn't asked or prompted and I don't want to just randomly put it out there on the table..