Therapy Is Making Me Worse

[Xabix90x]

Last year my partner started seeing a therapist for PTSD and it has been doing wonders for him, 10 years after leaving the army he bit the bullet as they say and reached out for help. So he recommended i give it a try for my PTSD, so in January i contacted the therapist and i started therapy 12th January and every Thursday since the same as my partner apart from 1 week (il come to why soon) well the first week wasn't so bad not intrusive, but the second week i freaked out, but i thought i will keep at it and see how it goes as i know they ask questions thats uncomfortable, but the third week after my session my emotions got too much, i didnt attend the fourth session, the night before my session i crashed i didnt sleep and over thought what i would have to talk about and the images that pop in my mind more often, the scars become more noticable and i couldnt get close to my partner and felt alone. So on the morning of the therapy i told my partner i wasnt feeling well and cancelled my session, while he was at his session (selfish i know) i wrote 2 notes one for him one for my parents and i gathered all the pills i could and took and overdose, UNFORTUNATELY, he felt something was wrong and came back early and found me unconsious!! I feel so angry!! Why couldnt he of just STAYED AWAY!!!! i woke up in hospital my stomach had been pumped and id lost 34 hours. The next day i called my therapist and explained how i felt and what id done, she cancelled her meeting with her boss and 45 minutes later she was at my side and she understood how i felt, for the first time in a long while id felt like someone other than my partner actually GOT me. She stayed with me talking for over 6 hours, even when her shift finished. Now iv been back to therapy and its crushing me im barely sleeping and i can feel myself slipping again i have another session 2 days from now and im worried this session will make me crash, i know i will be able to talk to my therapist but the emotion and fear im having right now is killing me.. Iv closed myself off from my partner as im worried my problems at the moment will knock his progress back and hes doing so so so good im so proud of him, i dont want to ruin that.

 

[claroscuro]

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. The start of therapy can worsen symptoms because the problem is being drawn into such stark focus.

Has your therapist given any attention to coping mechanisms to help you stabilize yet? If not, I think it might be a good idea to speak with her about it and perhaps hold off on the heavy work until you can handle it better. Even if you have worked on strategies to stabilize, review might be in order.

Hugs if you accept.

 

[Xabix90x]

She has,

I try grounding myself and i also try 'rewinding'. I close my eyes and take myself to my safe place, once there i picture myself watching a dvd of all o have been through and fast forward and rewind it then throw the dvd away. But its not working anymore, my safe place is being over run by images that haunt me and it makes me worse x

 

[claroscuro]

I hear you on coping strategies failing, I've had to regroup and find new ways on a few occasions.

From my own experience, doing heavy work while not being able to cope with it can cause much more damage and eventually lead to very dark and dangerous inner spaces.

No therapist worth their salt will have a problem with taking another look at coping strategies, in some instances it's actually part of effective therapy plans (sequenced treatment) to return to management strategies and ensure they're still working effectively.
Other options could be to work on gaining some emotional distance, emotional regulation, and stress/anxiety management.

Just know that these strategies failing does not mean you're failing. It's really common for symptoms to increase during the early stages, and you can get past it.

 

[420kitty]

I have read in multiply articles that talk therapy is not for everyone and can make it worse. When I tried talking about it with friends and family I noticed it never made me feel better. I would feel worse after. Maybe at one point I will be able to talk about it in person but I know I am not ready for that right now. I have other ways of coping. I got to truly know myself, which is hard. I read s lot on PTSD, play with my cats, garden and create art.

In my opinion America's psychology system is very flawed. Talk therapy and pills. It doesn't work for everyone. What is good for the gander isn't always good for goose.

 

[Suzetig]

It sounds like the pace of therapy is too fast for you, it is a hard process and can be incredibly painful but your therapist should help you to go at your own pace and support you in learning lots of different coping skills. The rewind technique is one of many but no one skill or technique does it for everyone all of the time, you need much more of a toolkit.

The watching the DVD part sounds more like processing than grounding so, if I were you I'd go to my safe space and fill it with things that increase safety - not watch the DVD in your mind at all.

Also look at breathing techniques, grounding exercises that use all 5 senses (e.g. Count 5 things you can see coloured blue, Identify 4 different sounds you can hear, touch 3 different types of surface (e.g. Fabric, wood, glass), taste 2 strong flavours (I usually carry mints with me) and smell something pleasant (I always have a small tube of scented hand cream or lip balm). There are loads of different ways to keep yourself in the hesr sbd now, remembering that your feelings are a normal reaction to what happened to you but you aren't in that place now so you can feel the emotions and let them pass.

Talk to your T about slowing things down - the guest rule of any trauma therapy is knowing how to put the brakes on and it's ok to need it to be slower.

 

[Nevermore]

I agree with @420kitty
Talk therapy made me feel as you describe also. It doesn't help me to tell my story.
I go to an art therapist. There are many different types of therapy out there now.
For some people, talking doesn't help. In fact it made things worse for me too.
Hope you're ok!