There Is A Ball In The Corner Of The Room

[Wolvescry]

Today is MMA training they had us stand against the wall and have someone choke us. I freaked (my ex almost killed me by holding me up against the wall and choking me) during the demonstration I felt myself go into panic mode. My mind wondered in and out of flashes of memories, dangling legs, pushing the indent of his arms elbow area hoping I can't get him to let go, he was so strong, I couldn't reach his face or even kick him, he was 6.6 his arms were too long, I hid in the bathroom and he broke in, grabbed me and held me up. I started breathing heavy, and I don't want people to know, so I do my grounding technique, I look around the room for something to focus on, there was was a ball in the corner of the room. I used it earlier in another class for warmups, and no one put it away, it was just sitting their, usually the instructor puts them away, but they were still their. I just used is earlier to do curl ups it weighed 10 lbs, that ball in the corner of the room.

I guess it was my center, I could look at it and picture myself using it, wondering why the instructor has not put it away, those thoughts I used to focus on instead of the others, but even with that I felt very uneasy, I worked into the move gently without allowing anyone to actually put their hands on my neck.

I wouldn't say it helped me any, I just feel more on edge. I find it very strange that we even learned that move, The class we took was suppose to be a grappling class, were I already struggled through the techniques and learned to manage them, but I was not prepared for this.

I could take what I learned and use it to feel safer, but you don't understand, he was so strong, unbelievably strong, I don't think any of these techniques would have worked. Maybe if I get stronger I can make them work. Never again, never again will I feel that fear. Today I say never again.

 

[Springer80]

Okay I have to ask, What the hell is MMA training? Why does it involve you getting choked and why is it necessary for you to do it? It sounds awful and I'm baffled. :stop:

 

[KwanYingirl]

Wow. I wish I could say I will never feel fear again! I lived with a very strong man and he was very intimidating. I don't think I could learn self defense to save my life.

 

[Wolvescry]

@Springer80 i'ts mixed martial arts, I decided to start training to know I can defend myself.

@KwanYingirl The training I train in teaches you to use leverage to defeat an opponent. I have learned to throw someone three times my size. It's just a choking escape on the wall does not have much opportunity to use leverage. I felt very vulnerable.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I can see why! That is a terrifying situation. Maybe give it more time with the practice. You may surprise yourself for getting away in such a position.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

This may actually help you. It may give you back some power and it's all happening in a safe environment. It wont be easy though but learning mixed martial arts may help with anxiety, depression and confidence. You might not be the only person there in that class for that reason...

 

[Faerie]

Just got out of my martial arts class actually. I've found it has really helped me with different issues, but largely because its a smaller group & we all get along well. I feel very relaxed with the people there & I know my teacher would kick out anyone who hurt another student. I would encourage you to stick with it, even if it's rough at times, but I'd also encourage you to talk to your instructor about your PTSD, so he/she can be aware & either give you a heads up or make sure someone you know and trust more (like a woman perhaps or a smaller person) can partner with you. That shouldnt require the whole class to know about your PTSD. Good luck tho!

 

[a3a2]

Very impressed with how you handled this!

 

[RussH]

I don't think any of these techniques would have worked. Maybe if I get stronger I can make them work. Never again, never again will

Wolvescry, what about several well placed kicks between his legs? It's amazing how that can neutralize even the biggest of men.
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I am sorry you went through that, and I know that was difficult in class, but you did survive it. I think it is great that you are taking defensive classes, and putting yourself in a place where you will not be a victim again.

I do think you accomplished something with the class; you faced something you are greatly afraid of, and although you say your coping mechanisms did not work, it sounds like they may have. Yes you are on edge, and understandably so, but you did not get triggered, at least to the point of falling apart. You showed yourself as being strong, and that is good.

 

[Hashi]

@Wolvescry when I did self-defence training the idea was not to be able to overpower an opponent in any situation. The focus was to develop body awareness, self confidence, alertness, the ability to react and so on - mostly in order to be able to avoid dangerous situations in the first place, or escape from them. Sometimes to strike back, or use their own weight against them etc, but even then mostly to create a space in which to get away.

Is the aim of this for self-defence? Do they expect you to be able to fight back one on one against anyone until you win, or are they teaching techniques which are part of a bigger context of opportunities for avoidance and escape?

 

[RussH]

Is the aim of this for self-defence

The aim of self-defense to to extradite yourself from a hostile situation. It could be as simple as crossing a road, or running, but learning how to defend yourself is important. The idea of self-defense is to end the threat by whatever means necessary. Do they expect you to fight back? If that is the only option, then you need to be able to physically defend yourself enough to evade, or incapacitate, your attacker.