Relationship Update...girlfriend with ptsd forces herself to leave me

[Deleted member 44240]

BJ... It seems like we are going through similar things.

I would love to hear more of your story and what you have...

My story is somewhat complicated.

I met my ex several years ago and we had a nice friendship. Recently, (Dec 2016) he started to work for me and we also started dating. We had a beautiful relationship. Aug 2017, he decided after I was laid off from my job, that he would break up and leave me; only to return to his ex. After a ridiculous romp with clearing the air with that, we re-established our friendship.

As of Nov 2017, he decided to point out a lot of unreasonable things that didn’t matter any longer along with making me out to be this horrible person. I was completely thrown and I wasn’t sure of what to do or how to handle the situation. He was so uncaring and unreal and it made me feel like crap. He made up reasons to move on and before leaving, he hugged and kiss me as if he wouldn’t see me again. He left and it’s been no communication on any level since then.

I’ve tried reaching out to him and he’s decided to make up reasons and gather information to use against me. He’s been very nasty and quite mean. Needless to say, my heart has been destroyed and my spirit has been damaged. So there you go.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

BJ... It seems like we are going through similar things.

I would love to hear more of your story and what you have...

Please PM me...

 

[WTF Happened]

@Matthew123 I went through something very similar with my ex-girlfriend. Not the triggering part, but her cup overflowed and she basically said the exact same things to me during the breakup. Nothing I say will make this hurt any less or provide any kind of prediction for how your situation will end up, but I wanted to let you know I understand what you're going through.

For what it's worth, a year later and I'm doing mostly okay. No clue how she's doing. Lots of therapy for myself. Renewed focus on my career ambitions. There are hard days where all the trauma and confusion I experienced from the breakup surface a bit, but it doesn't overtake me like it used to. Checking in here periodically to read posts like yours and be reminded I'm not alone and not crazy helps.

 

[Matthew123]

@Matthew123 I went through something very similar with my ex-girlfriend. Not the triggering part,...

I'm sorry you or anyone else has to go through what we have gone through. It definitely helps to know that we are not alone in this... I just wish she made it a priority for me to educate myself on PTSD early on in the relationship so I could've helped to guide her along and not be the one that unknowingly triggered and made her cup over flow.

It's just so heartbreaking... when two people who love each other can't be together.

 

[Matthew123]

Hi all,

Looking for some honest opinions on my situation if anyone can please provide their thoughts...

It's been nearly 7 weeks since we've last talked and I still not have heard from my sufferer. I have sent her two emails during that time, both comforting emails basically letting her know I am still here for her and have not gotten a response.

I have been living my life without the expectation of her coming back, but have kept hope alive. Is it time to cut the cord at this point, or is it still possible she is still not healed from her recovery process?

What do you all think?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Is it time to cut the cord at this point, or is it still possible she is still not healed from her recovery process?

Healing process... think years not weeks.

There is no way to know what's going on. Only you can decide how long you want to hold onto hope.

 

[Justmehere]

@Sweetpea76 is right. Healing takes a loooooong time. Frankly, she will probably spend considerable time stabilizing, then more working through the trauma. Getting to the point where a relationship isn't a trigger? That typically takes longer.

The fact that she hasn't responded to your emails suggests to me that she's no where near being able to reestablish any kind of connection.

It's not as simple as treating the PTSD = relationship issues solved. It's important to keep in mind that as someone works through things treatment, it's entirely possible that they are attracted to different kinds of people than before they went into treatment. She may not be into you anymore when all is said and done.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’d leave her alone.

I think if she hasn’t responded, you have your answer.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Healing process... think years not weeks.

Yes! 9 yrs and still counting here.

I think if she hasn’t responded, you have your answer.

Agreed. If she wanted to talk she would have.

 

[Matthew123]

Yeah that is pretty much what I figured and I have been living my life as so and am slowly cutting out hope that she will return.

The last time we talked, 7 weeks ago, she mentioned we would get back in touch after a few weeks and best case scenario to rebuilding a relationship would be 2 months and the last thing she said is everything is going to work out for for us.

The positive way we ended things... with almost like an agreement we would try and reconcile in the near future... is why I have still been holding onto that hope... But as the days turn into weeks and now those weeks are turning into months, it's becoming harder and harder to hold onto hope and the realization that we may be done forever is starting to settle in.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think she’s slowly starting to realize that this disorder can not be healed quickly. Many of us will struggle for life. I have a childhood abuse history and almost 10 years into healing....and I’m not ready for a relationship. (I try, but things quickly derail.)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

A few years ago I had to stop dating as it was very disorded and unhealthy. The things I seeked, reinacting my trauma, was super unhealthy and was keeping me from moving foward. So my therapist helped me to take a giant step back from dating and seeking companionship. It's now been a few years and though I am much better then I was. More stable, more healthy, I am no where near ready for a relationship. I would jump back into what I was doing back then and even if I was able to not do that, I still cannot hold a normal healthy relationship. My issues would still wreck havioc on that relationship. 9 yrs in therapy and I am still learning what a normal relationship is. I grew up in a cult so my norm of what a relationship is, is backwards. And though I know that now, I am still incapable of holding a normal relationship today. To try to be in one is not fair to that other person or myself. But, I did try for the first few years of therapy. When I stepped out of the dating world I also went radio silent. I had to. What was I going to say? How would a non-traumatized person understand all of this? They can't really. So, I get radio silence. It's impossible to explain. So, I say leave her be and move on. If she wanted to be in a relationship she would answer. The fact that she hasn't is your answer. Don't keep emailing her. My ex did that. For years. It only annoyed the crap out of me and caused me to block him and so when I am ready for a relationship he will not be someone I even want to go back to.