What Do You Do When You Can't Get Stable?

[Friday]

I came across this in an old thread

One of the first rules with attempting to heal trauma and manage PTSD, is to get your life in a place that has security and routine...

Makes sense.

Assuming the premise, however, that a person can't get stable... Is there anything to be done except to ride it out?

Mostly, as I was also just reminded, I've been trying to embrace the suck. Yah, it's all gonna be f*cked up for a few years, maybe even a few more years. Keep moving, & eventually there will be some kind of traction. But if there is something I could be, should be, doing? f*ck. Would hate to miss the forest for the trees in the meantime.

 

[shimmerz]

I had a report from CAS when I was adopted. They suggested that my parents keep my world as small as possible until I stop reacting. I seemed to work.

So here, because I am thrown off a bit (although greatly happy), I am trying to apply the same thing. Taking it really slowly. I am not a hermit, so not locking myself inside the house, but I am trying to get comfortable with small things (a walk around the block? Walk to the same part of the beach. Visiting trusted people for short times? Going into town but to 'same ol' spots? Simple things like looking for stones on the beach. ) I find when I open my world up too much I get overwhelmed and life seems way too big and then even my general routine seems too much.

I hope you feel better soon Friday. Sorry you are feeling like this.

 

[Kefira]

I've just finished a year of being semi-homeless and changing places normally over state lines every week or two living out of my car and crashing on friend's couches. I think any actual stability for me is a long way off, partly because of some things I have going on. I'm still in waiting mode, but I have a place to live now.

The only thing I've found that helps at all is keeping to a schedule as much as I can. Sometimes that might be wakeup at the same time of day every day, sometimes it might mean waking up half an hour early so I can do my meditation. I have things that I try to look at as non-negotiable that help give me some routine. They change sometimes depending on situation and how symptomatic I am, but I have a list and try to make active realistic decisions about what they are on a given week. Whether that's "this week I am going to shower and brush my hair every day even if I'm in pjs at home the rest of the time" or "this week I'm going to eat right and go out socially at least two times". It gives me something to achieve.

I also try to always have a couple safe places. Not doing so well on that right now, but going to new places is really hard for me so I try to have a few I know I can go to. One grocery store, one pizza place, and a coffee shop that I can go to with a reasonable success rate really helps me feel normal. It's also important to me to have a few miles of sidewalk I feel comfortable walking or running on.

But yeah, a lot of it seems to be embracing the stuck. I just find even if I can't work on the big things right now (job, financial stability, REAL home, some relationships that need fixed or cut) if I can find some structure and routine and familiarity with the little things it keeps me closer to sane.

Hope you find a way through.

 

[Kailani]

I have to agree with Anthony: stability and routine is key. Otherwise it's a constant stressor. Security is good if you can get it. What has worked for me and PTSD in the past is fighting the mental part. You feel so... Mental with this disorder and who wants to be mental?! So I went to school to try to fill my brain with other info. Now that the ptsd is back full force I did it again. It is actually an escape for me. It adds stress with deadlines but it's easier stress than the WTF is happening to me stress. I was an exercise fanatic and I feel that helped before; walking, swimming tons of laps(takes you to another place), lifting weights and aerobics on a video at home; basically anything physical. Also helping others; people and or animals. Even volunteering. They say that helps you heal too. Praying real hard seemed to help me cuz it gave me hope and a sense that my prayers might be answered. And they were so now I am trying to do what worked before for 13 years or so. Not sure if it will work again. Went to counseling and had a great best friend that I could share the ugly details with and that helped. My friend died since and now I use the forum. I thought just talking about trauma was working through the trauma- years later and the forum has shown me there's more to it like grounding, mindfulness, exposure, emdr... I hope you find at least one thing in here that helps and I hope you get in a better place for feeling you are healing!!!

 

[Recovery4Me]

But if there is something I could be, should be, doing? f*c

I try hard to ditch the 'should', woulds and coulds...in my thoughts as soon as I hear them rambling in my head. It seems to quiet the inner critic somewhat. I try to enjoy some part of my day...being aware that my stable isn't even a constant construct reality to some observers but a matter of degrees of acceptance in my head.

I start by reviewing gratitude with the simple things, one at a time. The breath of my son, not living in a direct war zone, running tap water, food on the table, sometimes even waking up to have another swing at it. Maybe I am missing the point of obtaining self regulation while wearing the badge of stable...but it is my life nonetheless. I will not begrudge my shot at finding a little comfort by comparison to something or someone else.

Personally Friday...I think you are grand and your humor a gift that is unique. Perhaps the beauty of you is your perspective and who you are in the moment.:hug:

 

[Ronin]

I stop pushing so hard.

Strength, not force, kind of thing.

Whatever instability I have at the time, looking at it, finding what of it can serve as my strength to get me through with minimal additional damage, and stay on a look out for Yay, Aww (anything that serves as food for the soul, keeping me alive inside) in all the meantime.

 

[Tinyflame]

Personally Friday...I think you are grand and your humor a gift that is unique. Perhaps the beauty of you is your perspective and who you are..

@FridayJones perhaps not too useful but yes as @Recovery4Me said that is some of your strengths. Plus as others said routine, & if possible something that does bring you a small amount of comfort or peace daily, in doing so that can bring you strength.

:hug:

 

[oasis2003]

Hi
Don't struggle just accept your emotions,thoughts , flashbacks, etc mindfully in the moment. Do something or something's daily that you enjoy or you would like to do. I am not stable either at the mo but trying to stay grounded and l am practising mindfullness daily which works for me, also doing exercise daily (walking stretches) look after your self ( no one else does ) I tried to repress everything ( I am normal ) but this back fired . I have to spend half of the day looking after my self or I cannot cope at the moment ..
Yes routine structure but more importantly nuture yourself if possible . You have always seemed strong @FridayJones when I have read you before , :hug: If you accept . Don't be so hard on yourself .

 

[illusionist]

You hold on tight to whatever security you have now, as you know it, not what you are aiming for....hold onto it and slowly build towards what you're aiming for. As long as you are plodding along at that level, that's a great bonus..if you do fall back aim to get back to the level of security you had.

Routine is so important. Even when I was homeless and on the streets my routine of waiting for the shopping centre to open so I could have a wash in their warm toilets was a very important routine....made me feel human and held onto the little pride that I had, but important that I did have that.

I suppose what I'm trying to say Friday is that, at times, our routine may not fill our day, but as long as we can still grasp onto the important ones it stops us from sinking into a place we don't want to go....Routine can help us hold onto the rope.

Take good care of yourself.

 

[RussH]

I agree security and routine are very important in managing PTSD. I know that when I feel I am in an unsafe place, then I am much more prone to hyperviligence, flashbacks and all the other garbage associated with being traumatized.

 

[Chava]

Structure and things that feel normal. For me that is my work. I have to avoid over-working though. But when my time is less structured, when I'm on my own, things can get weird and unreal. Work is always very normalizing. I fit the role, I feel connected to it, and it's just my more sane adult self.

If I can't work (sick, horrid pain, vacation, weekend) then I have to carefully impose structure upon myself without making it feel like a cage. My normal things like going for a walk, watch a funny show, distract myself with something familiar like certain music or radio shows.

Basically familiarity and structure. Also whatever helps me just be in the present moment.

 

[Weemie]

by definition being unstable means i don't care about security and routine is impossible. in those instances i usually pull myself together by making goals. even if sometimes the goal is just take a shower, get some food and chilly the f*ck down.