What Do Your Memories Look Like?

[to_understand]

I'm wondering what your memories look like?

Do memories of trigger events look different to memories of say, what you ate for dinner last night? Do bad memories look darker in your minds eye?

Can you describe what you see? (Or liken it to what you've seen in a film or tv show or image?)

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Foggy and blurred, sort of like a picture taken of a fast moving object.

 

[Changing4Best]

Some very early childhood traumas seem kind of sketchy to me. They are kind of dim, yes.

My adult life traumas are more vivid, like I can remember maybe smells, touches, my emotions, how it all seemed to me at the time. These were uncovered in therapy, and then just spilled out into my world in movie kinds of ways, sounds, etc.

I remember words that were said, touch memories and other sensations. Since it was a boyfriend that raped me, and I didn't know it was rape at the time, I was clueless as to what do do, after I said NO, and I don't feel well tonight, etc. He forced the issue....

 

[Kodah]

I was given an amnesia drug during my event. My high adrenaline caused my emotions to be written to my long term memory and the rest didn't quite make it.

Mine is a dark feeling. When it gets more intense, its not just a dark feeling but I'm surrounded by darkness. The words, "just leave me alone" and "they won't go away" haunt me to as if I'm in a terrified state. I also put my fists up to my temples and my arms down along my side to protect me.

The most intense one, flash back, I could pick out to shapes in the darkness. One was the nurse and the other the anesthesiologist who gave me the drug without telling me the side effects of it. It didn't have to happen, they could have stopped as it was not life treating but they didn't stop...

The anesthesiologist didn't check a second time to see if my leg was numb and just knocked me out with amnesia drugs when I was paralyzed and terrified from the sedative which isn't suppose to do that to you. I got several different stories from the hospital but none where the same. I'll never trust any medical person/field again! They are all liers!

 

[Friday]

Do my memories of bigT trauma / trigger events look different from my average or non-charged memories? Nope. Not really.

The hot spicy winds out of the canyons :) smell as happy and delicious in my good memories as the indescribable stank of death and decay smell terrible in traumatic memories. The sound of a person's voice I love, as clear as the sound of a person's voice I despise. The feel of stubble on my skin as I'm kissing someone, as scratchy as the feel of stubble on my skin of someone I'm fighting off. Sights, sounds, tastes, scents, touch, emotions... They're all the same. In good memories or bad.

Flashbacks, otoh, are an entirely different creature altogether, than straight up memories.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Memories as memories look the same as normal, though as I lack both, I mostly percieve them as information, words... So not much imagery.

But flashbacks can be terrifying, because they can be fully visual, even when my eyes are open. Like, having a flashbacks is much different than "flying" through the streets while remembering some path in my mind.

 

[Chava]

I have a lot of body memory stuff. But for more picture like memories, most of the trauma memories are really just snapshots...like still pictures that don't create a narrative or connect together. An image of this moment, then an image from this moment a few hours later.

I can't remember what I had for dinner last night. But if I think of an event in recent history, there is more of a connected timeline or more images involved. Good memories from a long time ago are also like this. I see myself walking, I remember the feelings...there is a story that plays out, sort of. Not the stuck images.

 

[ghotiff]

My abuse memories are photo like images from a third person perspective.

Because of this threads question I tried to think about non abuse memories and to my surprise if they are about me "doing" something (which are harder memories to recall), eg I carried something heavy yesterday....they are also photo like images in the third person. If it's of just the object I carried, it's from my eyes perspective. Strange.

 

[Tinyflame]

I was just asking myself this the other day, trying to figure it out. The 'memories' come from reminders (versus intrusive thoughts or FB's) ,they are more like snapshots or images & incredibly clear, but the negative emotions associated with them are strong or very strong, & always depressing, like my heart dropped out of my chest, or frightening or gruesome etc. I think too there's a feeling of the-future-is-hopeless feel.

I too can't remember what I ate for dinner nearly today let alone yesterday.

I think good memories are more like a narrative,, a sequence, though more foggy. But they feel good/ not bad, & the emotion is not as intense. I've thought I guess I need to work on cultivating remembering more good memories.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Like watching clips, bits and pieces of a horrible movie. And someone playing just those parts over and over again. And there's either no or hardly any sound.

 

[Ocean5]

As some others have said...third person view. Watching myself.... But most of my memories are blocked out from youth. Some are very dim and foggy. Others I wish I didn't remember because of too much detail...

Interesting thread I have to say to understanding myself...

 

[Chava]

Interesting @ghotiff , my snapshot memories of abuse are also third person (except there is one image where I'm stuck focused on my hand trying to pull my way out, from my perspective, but nothing of the rest of the scene). Early medical trauma snapshots are about half-and-half third and first person. A couple big chunks are third person. Doing artwork in the hospital was more first person. There was a positive connection to the OT or whoever was letting me express my anger and confusion. Then Good memories I tend to see the person I have a good memory of, like a grandparent, from my perspective and not outside, but sometimes I still view those too from sort of above or outside, like looking back at a good movie. Memory sure is strange.

All of my trauma-content nightmares were completely third person and everyone involved in the trauma were strangers. I was watching the dream from outside, like through a glass pane. Weirdly, the last trauma nightmare I had (almost a year ago) placed me IN the dream, as my adult self, and I was taking this little damaged girl to the ER. At first, in the dream, I could not even look at her. But when I did, I realized I had to get her help. I was annoyed about it, but I did it. And so far, no more trauma nightmares...