What Does Dissociation Look/feel Like To You?

[Deleted member 36265]

For me I'll just start thinking a bit about the past and not even be emotional then the next thing I know I'm 'waking up' at least that's kinda how it feels but I can tell I wasn't sleeping. My mind last time was extremely confused and I was struggling to lift my head up so I just laid it down until the feelings went away. What happens between the time is a mystery I can only remember what I was doing before things got real I guess.

 

[trying2movefwd]

I feel like there are two of me, one faded and beside or over me. I also feel very numb at this point, it's hard to focus on anything or listen to anyone and yet it seems like I am thinking about nothing. -Me and "ghost me"
On a lighter note, I always wish those parts of me could really be two, one to clean and the other to just rest or color or something. :roflmao:

 

[Carolina_85]

I'm new to being aware of my issues and haven't delved deep into things with my provider as of yet....

Hello,

For me it feels like I'm aware of my surroundings because I'm seeing them, but then I feel something else. It's like my feelings in the moment are completelly diferent from the feelings that I should have through what I'm seeing in the moment. Lately that happens when I have a strong memory about a moment or situation when I have behaved very anxious and stressed to my loved ones and then I realize that I had a very wrong behavior when I'm living a good moment. Instead of enjoying that good moment suddenly I will have a bad memory that would make me feel. Terrible, ashamed and afraid..

 

[pcengland1]

For me, dissociation feels like I'm being dragged out of my current state of mind and being put in a vulnerable place. It's terrifying, confusing and it leaves me feeling totally helpless.

 

[Just another person]

I project thoughts in my head. Towards other's around me and towards myself. A feel as if there's a small child inside me, a teenage rebel and a grown man. I'm 28 years old, it began when I was 18. I feel an ominous presence of a harmful entity hovering over and walking with me for the past 10 years. It's absolutely horrifying at times and bearable at other's. I've tried to embrace it, and push it away but the more I focus on it the more it messes with me. I'm very intuned with it, and very perceptive. I look for ways out from it, which is ironic considering my brain used it to cope as a way out. Ironic and infuriating. If I knew exactly how to fix the problem I would. I do EMDR therapy and I'm working on behavior therapy as well. I am currently taking time off of my work because I'm struggling now. When it gets bad I don't sleep. Not don't get enough. I've been awake for up to two weeks at a really bad point and 5 days with a whole bottle of Nyquil and 12 sleeping pills during the course of the 5 days and yes, still zero sleep. I take an anti anxiety, a controlled sleep script and trying to find a good anti depressant but I've already tried most and all have failed me. I use God to cope and get my through each day. The thought of a future without the hell inside me gives me hope and courage to push on. I could not without Jesus.

 

[Jim711]

I am still struggling to classify my experience. I don't know if it's intense emotional numbing or dissasociation, but I've been told these things occur on a continuum. Emotionally numb is sort of my baseline (trait) and when threatened or provoked it intensifies (state). I catch myself staring at a fixed spot and my focus just sort of diffuses. However, I question whether this is really dissociation because I don't have any of the out-of-body or loss of memory experiences that some other people talk about. I'm still just numb, but more completely than usual. In this state I work, have conversations (not real from my end, but I doubt anyone else knows it), just go through the day. The problem is that I'm really not all there, definitely not connected to myself in any way. I sort of just go through the motions. The other thing I can say is while I know everything that I did, the memories I create are very vague, more like impressions of things. I also don't remember many of the "conversations" I have in this state, which at times causes confusion. Maybe this is a less severe form of dissociation, maybe something else. Anyone else experience something like this?

 

[Friday]

Anyone else experience something like this?

I'd really suggest you start a thread, as older threads like this one are often missed by people, or people only respond to the first post, and later questions get lost.

If you need help starting a thread >>> MyPTSD New Member Guide To Getting Started

:)

 

[Jim711]

I'd really suggest you start a thread, as older threads like this one are often missed by people, or peo...

Great, thank you!!! Actually saw another similar thread that sort of answered my question.

 

[oakleaves]

Most common : a glazing over and a disconnect, staring off and not present. Aware of my surroundings b...

I relate to this a lot. This happens for me a lot both in therapy and at other times. It is often when I've been reminded of something from the past or had a memory that has intruded or when I get too close to subjects I can't cope with in therapy and get overwhelmed by complete shame. It is horrible.