What Else Can Happen??

[scout86]

I don't know what papers you could possibly have to sign. I think that's made up. Children are not responsible for their parent's debts, normally. I wouldn't give them my email address in your situation either. I'm quite sure you're the saniest member of that family. Hang in there!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Maybe in her own (weird, maybe the word) she's trying to make peace with people before she goes.

Thats why my therapist wrote that letter in such a way as im saying i love her regardless but if she want to be "right" with me and if she wants to see me, she will need to admit the wrongs she did to me to my family. Thats when she said "thats ok, i love her anyway"...as like i did something wrong.

Oh and my brother called back, the forms are sent to my dad & step mom's email but he went on and on and on with my dad about me...suprise suprise...and how im this horrible life force to not want to see my dying mother. Though he fails to remember an absolute ton of stuff from the past.

I am 35 f*cking yrs old, why do i have to be micro managed by my family? Good f*cking god!

Would it help to write a letter to her about your feelings? Your hurt? Your pain? Put it on paper all of it, lay it out

I have somewhat on here in 2 letters (really 3 but 2 since ive learned that shes dying...likely in a few days). I think there will be more to come. The last one i dont remember writing. Im thinking i was disocossiated or something. My inner "wounded child" self wrote it. I mean I know I wrote it but it came from that 'piece of me' if you will.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-wounded-childs-letter.62930/

The first one doesnt have much in it. It came before i saw my therapist.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-i-will-never-be-able-to-say.62875/#post-1029030

The very first one I wrote about a month or so ago to move rage over to her. A bit anyway.

I don't know what papers you could possibly have to sign. I think that's made up. Children are not responsible for their parent's debts, normally.

Its not about debt, its me and my brother; her closest surviving kin (i guess the children are closer legally than say her siblings so if she had no children, it would be on her siblings) to give permission to cremate her. My step mom had to do that for her mom and when we found her brother dead, his son had to. Not sure if thats just a Fl State thing or if its a national thing as all of these happened here in Fl and its the first time a parent has died for me.

I am going to carefully read them and probably call the crematorium (im sure the number is on the forms) just to be 100% thats all it is but i guess without me signing it to give the State permission, thats when the State steps in and then thats when i can be liable for half the cost of the cremation and opening/closing the crypt. Thats what im hearing 2nd hand, from my step mom that signed them for her mom (whom also paid for it so thats why i want to be sure), and overhearing. I havent read the forms yet. So we'll see but I guess the State needs permission to burn her to ashes and if thats all it is and its not signing me to any arrangement then im happy to sign it (not to sound harsh or anything).

 

[scout86]

Both of my parents were cremated. I didn't have to sign anything. In my dad's case, my mom was still alive, so she did what ever needed to be done. (Cremating him was her idea anyway.) My mom made her own decision to be cremated before she died. I'm thinking your mother could do the same. She's not married now?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

She's not married now?

No, my step dad is dead, he died a few yrs ago. Shes making arrangments with her sister right now so she is advising she wants to be cremated and thats why i didnt get that about permission...shes saying thats what she wants, shes giving permission. My step mom's mom couldnt talk when she died, her brother died suddenly in his sleep. So i dont know. I'll see when I read the paperwork. I should do that today though i feel like complete shit (i have then flu)...i should at least read it and try to comprehend what its saying.

 

[scout86]

i should at least read it and try to comprehend what its saying.

That sounds safe enough. I have a suspicion they're just trying to drag you into the drama. I hope you can avoid that! Thinking of you and hoping for the best!!

 

[Ronin]

My sister has been pissed off at me for refusing to help her pedophile son.

Right on, Lost.

Her reasons to be pissed off are seriously sideways, and her placing of anger is even more off.

You don't owe anyone of these people anything. Much less interaction.

I'm with @scout86, hope you can avoid the drama, on all fronts.

 

[Ronin]

I am 35 f*cking yrs old, why do i have to be micro managed by my family? Good f*cking god!

So cut them off.

How can you do everything you want to do without them? Where do you look for support, and what support do you need?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So cut them off.

They have been for years...and then my mom goes onto her deathbed and they are all up my ass again. Its reminding me of why i broke away from them and blocked them everywhere to begin with. This drama is insane. They play mind games and im so much less tolerant of it now and i dont know why i tolerated it back then...but being less tolerate, i think thats good. That means ive laid a bit of boundries or something. Im certianly not going to put up with it much longer and Ive only not told them all off because my dad doesnt want me to.

How can you do everything you want to do without them? Where do you look for support, and what support do you need?

Im not sure im quite getting the first question but...ive done pretty well everything i wanted without them around. Where i look for support? Here and the other site at times but mostly here. When i said this site is my only support, i really did mean that. My family could drive a sane person insane!

My closest real life support is my dad and step mom and my dad is siding with them causing fights in the house and my step mom is sort of 'out of it all'...dropping all communication on my dad.

What support do i need? Im not sure really. I wish i could say 'I need XYZ' but i honestly dont know. Everyone has done an amazing job supporting me on here. Im not sure what anyone has done specifically but i do feel supported on here. Not sure if you were speaking about in general or my family but my family will never be support for me. They are too busy trying to tell me, and everyone else, how horrible of a person i am. I miss being left alone by them. I had a good distance from all of them before this. And after my mom is in the crypt, im looking foward of putting that distance back in place. They affect me too much. Its why my therapist had me back away to begin with.

Did that answer any of your questions?

ETA: Now my dad has a bug up his ass to look for the mother of the 14 yr old (at the time) that raped me when i was 7. They went to high school together. Why do i want to help you find them?

 

[katz]

My mom was taken to the hospital today by her sister, my half sister called me to tell me jus...

Lost,
I think I understand. My dad is 90 years old, yet still is as alert as 70. Since he is one of the ones that hurt me, I'm not sure how I feel about him either.
Someone told me that you can write a letter to them. If you choose to talk to them, that is your choice. If you are still full of hate and anger--put it in their casket. It gets it out of you. You don't need to suffer any more.

I am going to do that to my dad. I just can't get myself to talk to him. I just know that I don't want him to go till I say what I need to say. Yet, I don't want to lose my chance.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

put it in their casket.

She's being cremated and i dont think i can make myself to go to her memorial so ive been writing "letters" on here. She wont ever read it but it gets it out. I thought of writing a sealed letter but her urn is going into a crypt (one of those things in the wall) and so when they open it, i dont think i can sneak in a letter.

I dont know, i thought of talking to the people that open it but how much trouble do i want to go to to leave a letter in the crypt?

Letters here are seeming to help a bit. I dont think ive gotten even to the "meat" of it all yet though.

 

[StellaBlue]

@lostforgottensoul - I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are holding your boundaries, though.

As someone else pointed out, I don't think there is any way you can be held financially responsible for your mother's debts or cremation. You might want to call legal aid to confirm this, but I really don't think it's the case.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

As someone else pointed out, I don't think there is any way you can be held financially responsible for your mother's debts or cremation. You might want to call legal aid to confirm this, but I really don't think it's the case.

Its not about debts, its about "giving permission" to cremate her.

Here, I looked up Florida law (and here is where i get confused)

"497.607 Cremation; procedure required.-- (Title XXXIII Florida Statutes) (1) At the time of the arrangement for a cremation performed by any person licensed pursuant to this chapter, the person contracting for cremation services shall be required to designate her or his intentions with respect to the disposition of the cremated remains of the deceased in a signed declaration of intent which shall be provided by and retained by the funeral or direct disposal establishment. A cremation may not be performed until a legally authorized person gives written authorization for such cremation. The cremation must be performed within 48 hours after a specified time which has been agreed to in writing by the person authorizing the cremation. (2) With respect to any person who intends to provide for the cremation of the deceased, if, after a period of 120 days from the time of cremation the cremated remains have not been claimed, the funeral or direct disposal establishment may dispose of the cremated remains. Such disposal shall include scattering them at sea or placing them in a licensed cemetery scattering garden or pond or in a church columbarium or otherwise disposing of the remains as provided by rule. 497.005 Definitions.--As used in this chapter: (Title XXXIII Florida Statutes) (37) "Legally authorized person" means, in the priority listed, the decedent, when written inter vivos authorizations and directions are provided by the decedent; the surviving spouse, unless the spouse has been arrested for committing against the deceased an act of domestic violence as defined in s. 741.28 that resulted in or contributed to the death of the deceased; a son or daughter who is 18 years of age or older; a parent; a brother or sister who is 18 years of age or older; a grandchild who is 18 years of age or older; a grandparent; or any person in the next degree of kinship. In addition, the term may include, if no family member exists or is available, the guardian of the dead person at the time of death; the personal representative of the deceased; the attorney in fact of the dead person at the time of death; the health surrogate of the dead person at the time of death; a public health officer; the medical examiner, county commission, or administrator acting under part II of chapter 406 or other public administrator; a representative of a nursing home or other health care institution in charge of final disposition; or a friend or other person not listed in this subsection who is willing to assume the responsibility as the legally authorized person. Where there is a person in any priority class listed in this subsection, the funeral establishment shall rely upon the authorization of any one legally authorized person of that class if that person represents that she or he is not aware of any objection to the cremation of the deceased's human remains by others in the same class of the person making the representation or of any person in a higher priority class."

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...ggbMAA&usg=AFQjCNF_G1W-9MH7JAvW-oltNNJBVgNzeA

I didnt know how to copy that link from my phone, its a PDF.

But that is stating "person" as in singular. I think they have to make sure im not opposing cremating her as it does speak of that here "the funeral establishment shall rely upon the authorization of any one legally authorized person of that class if that person represents that she or he is not aware of any objection to the cremation of the deceased's human remains by others in the same class of the person making the representation or of any person in a higher priority class."

This isnt from the specific funeral home, i havent even opened the email yet...just googled Florida law on it is all.