What Else Can Happen??

[joeylittle]

I'm going to guess its more to do with who is signing to accept financial responsibility for the cremation.

In my state, that is usually included on that paperwork.

Regardless, since you are estranged (by choice), you aren't at all obliged to participate - especially since there are other 'next of kin'.

Death brings out the ugly in families, often. It sounds like there's a lot of that going on.

As someone else pointed out, I don't think there is any way you can be held financially responsible for your mother's debts or cremation. You might want to call legal aid to confirm this, but I really don't think it's the case.

You actually can be.

Do make sure you check your state laws for financial responsibilities of next of kin (if you haven't).

Although you are separated from your family, you still may be financially liable for a portion of your moms debts. It varies state by state. In some states, you need to file for estrangement in order to be free of liability.

It's worth double-checking.

 

[StellaBlue]

I am not an attorney - nor do I play one on TV, but I think what's happening is that the funeral folks are concerned about being sued if there is a next of kin who objects to cremation. So, I'm guessing that the form your sister wants you to sign is a waiver for cremation. That said, the Florida statute you cited states:

. Where there is a person in any priority class listed in this subsection, the funeral establishment shall rely upon the authorization of any one legally authorized person of that class if that person represents that she or he is not aware of any objection to the cremation of the deceased's human remains by others in the same class of the person making the representation or of any person in a higher priority class."

If your sister is the "authorized person", it would mean that she could represent your mother's wishes. The statute also seems to indicate that if your mother has made her wishes clear (in her will, for example), they should be allowed to honor that. However, the funeral home may have policies in place that are more rigid than the law in order to cover their butts.

A quick call to an attorney (possibly legal aid if you don't have one or can't afford one) could probably clear this up.

I think it's really important that you try to separate out your emotional reactions to your mother's impending death and your family's pressure from the task at hand. Again, I think you're doing that - but, even in the healthiest of families, this kind of situation can cause turmoil - in your case, it's going to feel like a vortex.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

in your case, it's going to feel like a vortex.

No shit! It already feels that way!

Regardless, since you are estranged (by choice), you aren't at all obliged to participate - especially since there are other 'next of kin'.

Thats what is confusing me inside of the florida law as they stated i had to give permission to cremate her by florida law...well the law has person in singular form.

The only piece of it is to make sure i dont oppose it but even then, im not just signing something that i dont understand.

If your sister is the "authorized person", it would mean that she could represent your mother's wishes. The statute also seems to indicate that if your mother has made her wishes clear (in her will, for example), they should be allowed to honor that. However, the funeral home may have policies in place that are more rigid than the law in order to cover their butts.

Her sister...but the extra policies, maybe but thats why i wanted their number. Now i gotta go search for it, if not on the forms then the places name should be on it, i can google it. I want someone without an agenda to explain it to me.

It's worth double-checking.

Yes it is.

I did a bit of googling (not a ton) and came up with a few sites.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/making-funeral-arrangements-florida.html

That one sort of echoes what i found in the law above. The only time it names next of kin is to be the ones making the arrangements and that is suppose to be her and her sister but no one can tell me what those arrangments are other than she is being cremated and being put in an above ground crypt and opening my step dad's at the same time.

**** God I cant wait until this is over. Might be harsh but its giving me a headache, i cant deal with what i need to because my family came slithering out of their holes. Not sure whom inviting them back into my life.

http://estate.findlaw.com/estate-ad...f-a-deceased-relative-who-is-responsible.html

This one doesnt speak of Florida law, it speaks of Federal laws but its nice to see there are federal laws about this.

Im honestly not finding a whole lot but ive googled two ways to word it "florida law about next of kin responsible for deceased debts" and "Are next of kin responsible for deceased debts in Florida"...maybe not wording it right.

I did find this site; which is about inherence, not debt and she doesnt have anything to leave but it lets me see that Florida law also differs on the county it seems.

http://www.pankauskilawfirm.com/Practice-Areas/Inheritance-Conflicts/Florida-Inheritance-Law.shtml

I dont know, i'll read the form and call the place and make sure i fully understand everything. I'll likely call legal aid too but im going back to work for a day today (though still very sick, i dont have a choice), so gotta juggle all of this with work and feeling like shit and all too. Plus my voice isnt fully back and talking all day is likely to strain it...not sure i can talk on the phone more today so might print it and do all of the calling tomorrow or Friday.

I do remember a ton of calls to my dad and step mom when her mom died about her mom's debts and my dad saying that they arent legally responsible so i dont know. But i'll find out. Thanks @joeylittle for bringing that to my attention! Estrangement papers? Really? Thats rather f*cked up in my opinion but if needed, i do have the money to hire a lawyer (for like an hour or so at their rates lol). Lets hope it doesnt come to that. But if there are papers like that that i need to file then i need to get it done as shes about to die. A few days is what they said 2 days ago.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

As "time sensitive" as that form is, it hasnt come to their email, got online and checked. How "time sensitive" is that?

ETA: My step mom called my brother's wife (she devil) and she said she called and its coming in a few hours.

Gotta give my step mom props for jumping into the lion's den because now, as expected, my brother's wife is bitching to her about me. I cannot wait til this is all over and i can tell them all to go to hell.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Now my sister in law (brother's wife) is saying dont sign it until she consults with a laywer to make sure me and him arent signing to be liable for anything. I trust she has my brother's best intrest but i dont trust that she has mine. I suppose we are equal siblings so what is for him would be for me but my step mom texted and said dont sign it until givien the go ahead. No, i want it explained to me.

It still hasnt come but it will be fowarded to my email & printed and i am going to comb through it like you wouldnt believe and probably pay for my own laywer to look at it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

However, the funeral home may have policies in place that are more rigid than the law in order to cover their butts.

This is what it is. I called them and they said that because cremation is something that cant be reversed, they take caution and must sign all of the next tier of kinship (my brother and I both on equal tiers) so that one cant come back later and protest and and then they are legally liable for doing it without my permission to. I guess it stops one sibling cremating mom when the others want mom buried and then go back and sue them.

I havent been able to research about debts yet but thats what the signature is for.

 

[Sideways]

Been awol and just checking in with you Lost, because you've been in my thoughts with this issue.

Just a suggestion, but if there is emailing to be done, set up a google email account or something just for this purpose, then close it once the whole thing is done and dusted. Covers you are if they need to contact you regarding this, but won't screw up your ability to shut them out again once it's all done.

Take care you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Just a suggestion, but if there is emailing to be done, set up a google email account or something just for this purpose, then close it once the whole thing is done and dusted. Covers you are if they need to contact you regarding this, but won't screw up your ability to shut them out again once it's all done

I thought of doing that...late in the game....but my dad had already said send it to his. This is done and per the crematorium, this is all they need from me so there shouldnt be any more need to email. But this is a great idea if there is more need of email. Thanks for that (and thanks for thinking of me)!

 

[scout86]

You can tell them to go there right now if you want to.


Is your mother conscious and legally competent? If so, I think she can decide for her own self what she wants done with her body.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is your mother conscious and legally competent? If so, I think she can decide for her own self what she wants done with her body.

She is, and she did (or she with her sister) but theres a hole in the FL law that basically for just cremation, i could sue the pants off of the crematorium so all places (my step mom came up with 5 more examples, all in Fl) that do cremation has this policy where all known/found kinship on the same tier in the order in the law must sign that they consent to cremation and understand the law and that, basically, its 'un-doable'.

The laws around kinship and the deceased are so lacks (if thats a word) that i seriously doubt that in Florida one can be held legally liable for the decease's debts. I still havent found any law around that, other than the federal ones. There may not be any but i want to be prepared.

Oh, that brings me to an intrested convo my step mom had with me not long ago. She said that my brother's wife was bitching to her about my mom (and not me for a change) and how my mom always seemed so well organized and prepared but when she is on her deathbed because she doesnt believe in Drs, even for cancer, she has nothing at all written, prepared, doesnt know what she wants, whom will pay for what, or even what she wants. I told her that its a mask, just like everything else. I never saw her organized. Maybe other things might be a front too do you think? Nah, they cant think that of her! ***EYE ROLL***

Ugh! If this all wasnt happening, Id be tempted to cancel my therapist tomorrow for being so stinking sick...but this isnt a good time to not see him. I wish i could organize what im feeling a bit. If my family all go back into the holes they came from i might be able to. I dont miss this 'always in crisis' drama shit one bit! But if i sit with it, i can barely stand it. I start to hyerventalate for some reason. Not sure why.

Anyway, theres non-scense my ramblings about all that I guess.

 

[KeepingTime]

Hey lost. Just checking in to see how you are holding up. Hugs. :hug:

Sorry you are sick too, on top of all this.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @KeepingTime! Yeah, It sucks ass and its not helping this stuff at all. I cant figure out how i feel when i feel like shit and certianly dont want to deal with my family and really dont know how i feel when i feel like shit dealing with my family. Its funny, listening to my dad and step mom go back and forth of whom gets the job of calling a family member. My dad is eger when its my brother but his wife jumps in and makes it all so much worse.

You know that my family tried to 'scare' my signature out of me by telling me the State will come after me if i dont. Its those f*cking mind games that they play that makes me want to push their heads into the ground.

I wish i could figure out my feelings on this thread but damn it, i allowed my family to take over my thread. Thats what they did in therapy for 3 years. Its too much! Hopefully I can get to re-focusing myself. I see my therapist tomorrow and he's good at aiming me and setting my gauge if you will. So maybe after that i can in here. I was close to another letter last night but I stared at a blank white screen thinking "they dont want to hear this shit" and ended up giving up. But something wanted to come out...not sure what it was. Normally, though, those are the ones that come out next so i suppose we will see.