When no one understands

[CherryCloud]

ive been dealing with what I believe is derelization and depersonalization since a small child. I haven’t yet got a diganosed and I know people and doctors roll their eyes when you say you read up on your symptoms. But I 100 percent believe that I have this. I first figured it out at the age or 13

I don’t feel real as I type this I feel like I’m watching someone else hands. I have headaches and I’m dizzy and off balance. My eyes feel strained my vision is so strange

I don’t know who to go to for help whenever I tell doctors and therapist I don’t feel real they either completely ignore me or misunderstand.

My life is a dream, I wake up everyday hoping I will feel connected but I don’t. People around me are tired of me saying this. I can’t drive because of this. Last time I drove I closed my eye, I didn’t feel real I didn’t care about the consequences.
My biggest fear is this being DID and me never waking up again and losing all of my memories and myself to another personality.


People close to me think I’m being dramatic. and I just need to “get over it.” I don’t know how and if I could snap out of this I would

I’m scared this may be some sort of cancer I never had derelization this bad before. I don’t do drugs I don’t smoke I don’t drink I don’t drink caffeine. I just want to feel real again

 

[Sweetleaf]

I have derealization and depersonalization happen frequently - it really is a very freaky feeling, horrible thing to experience - it really sucks to have to sit through all the freaky feelings that derealization throws at you. It goes pretty similar to how you describe your experiences, for me. There is also this feeling that I am not in control of my actions, that I am not the one making myself talk or move or do whatever it is I'm doing. It feels like my body is just doing it of its own accord, every action I take, when I am in that state deep enough.

Do you know any grounding skills? Those really help me with pulling myself out of that.
Also, have you ever seen any professionals who are specialized in trauma? Do you have trauma in your past?

It started happening to me during my trauma. I didn't have a name for what that was, for years.

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you seen a doctor to rule out anything physical? I’m not saying you don’t have dissociation problems, rather I think it would be a good idea to cover your bases in case there is something physically wrong. :hug:

 

[Reflections]

That's hard that those close to you and professionals are dismissing your experiences. Your experiences are real and valid. I can't diagnosis you, but for what it's worth I think your assessment is more than fair.

Things like trauma can cause derealization to be worse and some known medications can cause Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder. For me anxiety, stress, and certain situations can make my dissociation way worse. I want you to know that dissociation can get worse but it's not necessarily something serious like DID or cancer. If you have reason to think you could have cancer (like family history), then by all means get screening done.

I live with constant depersonalization/derealization. I didn't understand it and just lived with/ignored it. I don't always realize how bad it is until I stop dissociating or I become mindful that I don't feel like I'm here. I'm self diagnosed myself as DDD and I don't think my therapist disagrees. It took me a long time to realize this. I am concerned about DID or DDNOS atm, I get how scary that is.

I want you to know, there is help for Dissociation and Dissociation Disorders. Even DID. People do work through and learn to be present. People can integrate trauma and parts. Memories or self aren't lost. Treatment for dissociative disorders isn't easy, but its also more straight foreward than I realized too.

I recommend seeking out a therapist who treats trauma and has training with dissociation disorders. Therapy modalities like CBT, DBT, EMDR, minfulness are recommended for dissociative disorders. Even if you don't have known trauma, a trauma therapist will understand dissociation and can give you the skills that will help you to be present. Grounding and mindfulness can really help. Breathing exercises help me personally as well a DBT ice technique to calm my anxiety. Dissociation is basically just our minds way to cope. If we learn new ways to cope, we won't go to dissociation all the time.

 

[ArmadilloPolarBear]

I've had derealization, depersonalization symptoms since at least 5 years old. It does not mean you are crazy or will lose touch with reality, it's actually a very common anxiety symptom. CBT therapists I've found don't usually know much about it, they are mainly trained in dealing with thoughts and thinking patterns. This symptom I would think relates to somatic symptoms. I'm having a lot of luck in EMDR therapy with talking about the depersonalization/derealization, I guess a lot comes down to what the therapist learned and is trained in.

As for a diagnosis, they usually do not diagnose someone with depersonlization as a stand alone diagnosis, because it is such a common anxiety symptom and is often present in a lot of disorders. That is for a doctor or therapist to decide.

It sounds like you are experiencing the anxiety symptom, derealization and depersonalization, but don't let this scare you. Also when telling symptoms to a therapist do not mistaken their calmness about it as if they are not taking you seriously. They are trained to stay calm, and they have seen a lot of crazy things. Regular medical doctors are not very well trained in psychology, so don't expect a GP without training in psychology to understand.

It can make you convinced you are losing your mind, but just remember that it is not a sign of losing touch with reality, it is a pretty common anxiety symptom, and it would be really good to get in touch with and see a therapist who specializes in trauma and dissociation symptoms. Anything you do to lower anxiety or obsess less will help. The mind can scare the crap out of you when having a lot of anxiety. I'm not saying just calm down and forget about it and everything will be fine, but try not get sucked into scaring yourself about it as that feeds anxiety and will make you feel worse.

Having depersonlization does not mean it is some devastating or incurable thing. As an anxiety symptom it usually gets better when you have less stress, or even goes away entirely. So anything that helps lower anxiety will probably help the symptom, and at the very least help your stress level, in the meantime while you are waiting for an appointment to see a therapist.

Also my experience with this symptom is probably different from some, as it comes and goes, sometimes stays for weeks, usually always a low level most days, but the intensity changes a lot. It bothers me less knowing that if it is intense for a while it has always never stayed like that forever. The longest I've had it intense was about 3 months straight everyday all day. But I was going through a really stressful time, and trying to process past trauma. I've never had it that intense for that long since then, it has always seemed to be related to stress for me, or lack of sleep. It could help to talk to a knowledgeable therapist if you can.