Why Do Therapists Minimize?

[anthony]

Anthony, do you differentiate between mental and emotional pain in this assessment? Just curious.

If you want to get technical, there actually isn't such a thing as emotional pain, because every emotion comes from a thought, and every thought is generated from my mind, thus its all mental. Emotional pain does not technically exist. It's a word people give to strong feelings to try and validate what is going on within them, yet what they fail to understand, what you feel is actually a thought process occurring from your mind. This is fact, by the way... this is medical and scientific fact, not my opinion.

So if you want to say your in such emotional pain, then the answer to solve the emotional pain is to actually understand the reasoning behind it. What is going on within your thinking, basically.

Just saying, that's all. In no way am I trying to invalidate what you feel. To feel is to be human, after all... but feelings are an extension of an actual thought process, a mental process.

When you say people magnify the issue beyond rational proportions, do you mean in terms of what people believe about their situation or what they feel?

So, getting to your next question... people magnify irrational thinking, which in turn they're actually magnifying irrational emotions by proxy.

"I spend several hours a day in emotional pain so great that I am desperate to make it stop" is a subjective statement about feeling and needs to be heard, not argued with.

Firstly, I'm not arguing with you here. Secondly, yes, that is a statement. Thirdly, and lastly, define emotional pain? If it isn't physical, then it is mental. If you want to make it stop, then CBT is the way to make it stop, by examining what you think prior to, and during these periods of emotional pain, as you call them, and then working on isolating the irrational thinking behind them that cause the irrational emotions which you find painful mentally, based on you're not talking physical pain.

Starting to see the logic in this yet?

 

[sun seeker]

It's very hard not to sound like you are being over dramatic when you are talking about suicidal ideation, and because you are feeling the pain and the emotion sometimes it feels like your words are accurately mirroring the feelings but actually you are giving a much more palatable version

Right, you have a point there. It's also that I dissociate when things get too intense in a session. Maybe it would be a good idea to write down a description to bring in. I'm seeing more and more the problem, though, of words not meaning the same to everybody. I think @Solara is right, in this sense, that we have to exaggerate to be heard. Sigh. There's the whole Christmas vacation to come up with a good vivid description.

I either feel like a crazed Shakespeare lead or I talk in such riddles trying to be subtle that the point gets missed.

Speaking of vivid descriptions... this was a good one.

Either there has been a communication misunderstanding or perhaps even that your T is misreading you and is thinking you might find their reaction soothing

Yup. I liked @change's explanation about how they are taught to reframe what we say. I'm sure she does think she is being helpful (the therapist, that is). I can also see that twenty years ago when I had not been in therapy before and was just leaving an abusive relationship, the kinds of things therapists tend to say to reframe might have been helpful, just because they were new to me. I think their training can be good for someone to whom just having someone to talk to is a new experience. Not so good for someone who has been banging their head against a wall for decades, for whom the "lines" the therapist says have become platitudes. I do feel like I can talk to her about it though, so that's a good start.

 

[Seasounds]

@sun seeker, I forgot another perspective I learned about therapists who divert clients from their feelings. It is as if, throughout the entirety of the session, they want to be able to model to your brain, through their diversions, to ignore feelings and just think I certain way; kind or a waking behavior modification/hypnotherapy.

Thanks, to took courage to ask therapists why they were being so un-therapeutic. You can imagine, the discussion meant, therapy is over.:( :mad:. Glad I did it, it helped me understand.:)

 

[sun seeker]

Anthony, thank you for your reply and further explanations about the foundations of CBT. There is some of this that works for me and some of it I am not so sure about, but thinking about it has taken me on a tangential search for information on the history and bases of various kinds of therapy. I haven't gotten far enough along to comment as yet. My discomfort with CBT and preference for somatic therapies is more intuitive than scientifically based at this point, though I don't reject any therapy outright (it's kind of a moot point though since as far as I know there is no one in the area who does CBT). I did it for a while with a therapist who later left the area and didn't feel it was a good fit, though it's possible we didn't do it for long enough. But I do appreciate your taking the time to explain.

This thread, and all the thinking I've been doing around it, have really helped me to realize what I'm needing and possibly why a lot of modalities I've tried haven't worked. I've rarely made this much mental progress in 24 hours. Thanks, everyone who shared their thoughts on this.

 

[anthony]

Every therapist is actually default trained in CBT, it is one of the basic models of therapy, hence a foundation of it which many others are built upon. ACT, DBT, EMDR, Exposure Therapy, Prolonged Exposure, are all CBT model therapies, being their foundation is based on CBT and modelled around it. EMDR for example, is firstly an exposure therapy treatment, combined with CBT basic foundations. When a therapist is asking you to look at something differently, that is CBT in action.

It isn't about finding a CBT therapist, far from it... its about finding a problem solving therapist. One of those 10% persons who think broadly, outside the box, as that is the way their brain is wired. You can't be taught to think like that... you either have it, or you do not. You can teach a person so far.... but that is as far as they will ever get, unless wired to think laterally and broadly.

 

[risingsun]

But I've experienced this enough that it is really disturbing me

Honestly, I think its two-three things that cause this. (1) I think that many cannot relate on a personal/emotional level because they have not experienced it (therefore not attaining empathy) or they have not allowed themselves to feel it if they have. (2) They become desensitized by it because how long they've been in the business or whatnot (which isn't right) and/or (3) They compare clients and who have the worst story.

My last therapist was 1, 2, & 3 and it was really frustrating. She lacked empathy, she scheduled back to back and was a "next in line" therapist and she did compare people and who has it worse off, etc.

I'm sorry that you have had these experiences. My thoughts are with you. Hopefully your therapist is open to you possibly bringing up your concerns to her and is receptive to that. Maybe you misread the situation. If not, then maybe your instincts are trying to tell you something. Best of luck to You. Warmest, Rising Sun