Relationship Two Different People

[lostforgottensoul]

I couldnt agree more w/ @joeylittle! You can try to understand and pull info from us all but the real why is in her brain. None of it makes it right or ok but it is what it is. What can you change? How can you make your life better? That should be focus of your therapy.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Watch a movie/ documentary called fantastic lies. Watch that movie and you can understand what I'm going through every day of my life. I have no idea what's real and what's true because people rather believe lies that make no sense than take 5 minutes to hear the truth

 

[joeylittle]

Watch that movie and you can understand what I'm going through every day of my life

I think you are completely lacking perspective on the situation with your ex-friend. This documentary deals with criminal charges, innocence, false accusation, the media, court of law...

I understand you are hurting. But you really aren't going to hurt less by obsessing as you are.

As far as I can gather, from the narrative: you and this woman are friends. Not dating. She tells you about her rape experience and then goes cold on the friendship.

You feel like you've had the rug yanked out from underneath you and try and get the friendship back. She tells someone you won't leave her alone and that she might need a restraining order.

Is it at all possible that you believed the friendship was far more intimate than it actually was? Is it possible that you were becoming obsessed with her, and that's what freaked her out?

I'm sorry to be blunt but it's hard to watch you keep insisting that her actions have absolutely no justification and that you can't move on until you somehow understand what she did to you. And now, you compare yourself to men who were wrongfully accused of and went to trial for rape.

I don't get it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I have no idea what's real and what's true because people rather believe lies that make no sense than take 5 minutes to hear the truth

Why would what other people believe have an effect on your knowledge of the truth?

Do you want everybody to know she has PTSD? That you are no threat?

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I think you are completely lacking perspective on the situation with your ex-friend. This document...

Lacking perspective how ignorant are you.
Similarities without going into any details.
someone cried wolf/ over exaggerating what happened to protect themselves
When people hear these over exaggerated lies they jump to her side without taking the 5 minutes to look at the truth which is on my phone.
People are more worried about pushing a personal agenda than hearing the truth
I can go on but rather not.

We both committed the same crime and that no boundaries were set. How can you say the most hurtful things about a individual without ever trying to seek the truth?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

When people hear these over exaggerated lies they jump to her side without taking the 5 minutes to look at the truth which is on my phone.
People are more worried about pushing a personal agenda than hearing the truth
I can go on but rather not.

So does my entire family on both of those accounts but rather jump to an ex's side, they jump to my mother's, my abuser's, side. Im still alive and when they leave me alone im better then when they dont. But i also went a few years through therapy talking about nothing but them.

Just like in the other thread, I have to default to how I delt with their abanondment. You cant act like she is dead but you also cannot drive yourself insane by obsessing like this. You can ask yourself why why why all day long and you will never understand nor will you ever truely get why. I dont know why my family takes an abuser's word over mine and it sucks but it is what it is. And they are family, ones that should love you no matter what. Stop caring what others think, do, feel. Deal with the void she left as thats more fundlemental, that has to do with your mom, before her. And leave her alone unless she wants to talk...and BE OK WITHOUT HER.

Whether JL was correct on her assesment, what she said is correct. You are driving yourself insane when its not necessary, at all.

 

[Olivia2016]

not blaming anything on PTSD besides asking if it's common to see two different people.

Just feel...

I have a different perspective on PTSD and change of personality. I have been with my husband for 5 years before that incident happened that resulted in his PTSD. He did not have PTSD when we met and for 5 years after we met, and even for some time after the incident. I saw a gentle, caring, loving, happy person to become a detached, unloving, cruel, and cold man in front of me, little by little. The is in addition to all the symptoms that developed over several months. So, I disagree with those, who say that you just see a real face of your partner now. I know for sure that PTSD changes a person dramatically, they become not themselves. I also read that the real person is still somewhere inside, so there is always a hope.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I saw a gentle, caring, loving, happy person to become a detached, unloving, cruel, and cold man in front of me, little by little. The is in addition to all the symptoms that developed over several months.

You saw the development of symptoms. Your personality is developed in the formative years of childhood so I dont agree what you saw was the change in his personality but rather a development of PTSD symptoms.

I have an icon of "I feel lost inside myself" because thats how it feels, but with my therapist, I am the real me. You cant shift personalities like that unless you have DID which I dont. Im just very comfortable with him and guarded everywhere else.

 

[Friday]

So, I disagree with those, who say that you just see a real face of your partner now. I know for sure that PTSD changes a person dramatically, they become not themselves.

It's a very different situation.
- 5 year marriage vs. Brand spanking new maybe sorta kinda relationship.
- Knowing & being married to your husband prior to both trauma & PTSD vs. Meeting someone after trauma & PTSD.
- Someone changing as a result of trauma, versus someone "changing" because it's no longer the honeymoon phase of a new relationship & in fact they've broken up with you & are dating someone else.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

It's a very different situation.
- 5 year marriage vs. Brand spanking new maybe sorta kinda relationship...

Regadless of the situation I am at fault for being overwhelmed and not seeking out help and answers from the right people at the right time

 

[EveHarrington]

Regadless of the situation I am at fault for being overwhelmed and not seeking out help and answers...

No fault! Life doesn't come with an instruction manual. We all have missteps along the way. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 33287]

No fault! Life doesn't come with an instruction manual. We all have missteps along the way. :hug:...

I have started maturing, getting the help I need and enjoying life. I'm ready to have a fresh start with life.