ED Lines between fasting and disordered eating

[St.Maybe]

Lately I've been over-eating and under-eating in turn.
Stuffing myself and then eating perhaps once in a day, typically late at night or after getting off the phone with my mom. It's not always conscious, but sometimes the under-eating is in response to the over-eating. This overlaps a lot with the fact that on those under-eating days I'm often just not hungry at all. Most of the time it takes a few weeks of my doing this, to notice.

I've been fasting, though, for the past couple of days and this evening I decided to break fast because I started to question whether or not I was mistreating myself. All my body-centered thinking is leading me to question my motives... checking twice a day to see how much my body's changed. And it does change a lot... after three days of fasting I usually go down a size for a while. Fasting has been a part of my life far longer than any kind of body-related issue has been, and all the overlap of feelings and motives and things has got me wondering about whether or not this is an appropriate lyfestyle option for me at this time.

Has anyone else had this difficulty?

I'm gonna go eat some tacos and think about this! LOL

 

[JGJ]

I do the same. I did have issues with Anorexia as a teen - and my dr's say I don't drop weight as fast now when I'm not eating because I've put my body into starvation mode. It then holds on to anything I may eat - when I do.

I've also known that it's a version of "Control" - where we might not have had control over what caused the PTSD - the choice to eat or not is our power - our "control". I try to remind myself that when I question what I'm doing. (Yet, it makes me feel empowered.)

:) J

 

[Muted]

Yes, i have an issue more with not eating. But, find it easier to eat at the end of the day. I've dealt with this issue for a long time and sometimes feel like I should've 'outgrown' it by now. But, sometimes it is the only thing that helps me cope. For me it's my only voice or lack thereof. It can be a more than a challenge to be balanced with eating. I think if I eat normal like everyone else I will get fat. It's become a way of life for me. It's good you're aware of it, are you seeing a T.?

 

[Muted]

I do the same. I did have issues with Anorexia as a teen - and my dr's say I don't drop weight as fast now...

I think my body's in starvation mode too. For me it's a power thing too.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I am right there with you.... I eat too much, then don't eat for a few days...

I know in my head that it's what keeps me from being at a healthy weight. I know if my blood sugar didn't drop and make me feel like crap, I would be anorectic. When I don't eat all day, I am in "punishment" or "I'm fat" mode, and when I eat too much of something, I am trying to feel better....

My depression is in FULL FLARE...

You are NOT ALONE! (((HUGS)))

 

[ms spock]

I have these problems as well. I am working to change them. They are patterns I have had since a small child in order to manage what was happening to me. It will take some time.

 

[aut555]

Sadly , stress can make me lose my appetite. But lately l have been trying to get my shape back because l ate my emotions when living with abuse. I couldn't do anything to him, sometimes l complained about abuse which did nothing, so l hit the food for a temp fix. I overeat due to feeling out of control but l can reverse and go the opposite way too. It's amazing how we can torture our bodies so many ways in ptsd land.

 

[Naoru]

I know if my blood sugar didn't drop and make me feel like crap, I would be anorectic. When I don't eat all day, I am in "punishment" or "I'm fat" mode, and when I eat too much of something, I am trying to feel better....

Me too.

I didn't realize the binging part was me [not] feeling something until recently.

T was the first to call me out on this disordered eating. Still not sure what to make of it.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I've been through anorexia and bulemia. My T and Dr at the time explained that when our world is totally out of control, then what goes in and what comes of our bodies become the one/onlything that we think we can control.

Not a healthy concept, but again, it's a coping skill. Dangerous to a degree. Your body needs fuel, without it, it begins to shut down.

 

[St.Maybe]

Thanks for all the replies : )
Nope, I'm not seeing a T... what a frightening thought :3

I am doing a bit better though. Gorged myself on seeds yesterday (didn't even share with the other birds) but now I have healthy, organic, whole food meals planned with ingredients all purchased and prepped for the next six days. Wish me luck =]


Wishing you well,
xx
Reno