Trust issues

[FlyingHigh]

I'm so frustrated with myself! Why can't I trust anyone? Why am I so messed up? I get paranoid all the time, I space out, I feel numb. My trust issues are ruining my life and my relationship!

I managed to speak to my dad and he just abused me again! I even changed my number but somehow he got in touch with me. Then my boyfriend decides to play basketball (like he does every Wednesday night) and I got insecure and thought the worst. Im scared of people getting close to me. My trust issues are ruining everything good that ever happens in my life.

My dad is really affecting my life! Every time he abuses me, it seems to overflow on to other relationships like with my partner, my mum, friends etc. When I dont talk to my dad, I'm fine but as soon as I talk to him again, I'm back to square one. But its hard to go no contact. I dont want to deal with this PTSD anymore. I have been getting flashbacks, had nightmares last night... I just am so tired of it. I feel like just one big ball of mess right now.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I feel like just one big ball of mess right now.

When I first began to work in therapy, I felt like one big ball of fear. I think that you are experiencing something similar. I hope that you can do some kind things for yourself today. My heart goes out to you.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you know how he got your number?

Is your mom possibly giving it to him?

:hug:

 

[Friday]

My dad is really affecting my life! Every time he abuses me, it seems to overflow on to other relationships like with my partner, my mum, friends etc. When I dont talk to my dad, I'm fine but as soon as I talk to him again, I'm back to square one.

Knowing the pattern helps.

I'm choosing to deal with Abuser, so for XYZ amount of time, I'm going to be feeling ABC, and will need to be doing 123 in order to sort it.

That let's you plan for & set aside time to deal with the symptoms, as well as get really on top of feelings-aren't-reality, grounding, self-care, coping skills, emotional monitoring & regulation, realty checking, dysregulation, etc. Rather than it being an uncontrollable situation, it becomes a situation you are aware of and are handling.

Sometimes it will be a thing that just happens, and rather than setting aside time in advance you may need to cancel pre existing plans / alter your schedule to handle the fallout without nuking your other relationships... But in my experience it's worth it.

***

I have a mantra : Predictable is Preventable.

That doesn't mean that just because I throw a ball into the air that I can keep it from falling back down, since I can predict it happening. What I CAN do is catch the ball. Or not throw it in the air to begin with. Or any of a hundred other things. It's the being able to predict what will happen that let's me choose various responses to get the results I want.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

When my boyfriend canceled coming to see me one night because he was tired, I panicked and drove 30 minutes to his apartment because I was sure he was breaking up with me. I got there, and guess what, he was asleep. I ended up sleeping in his arms that night and he said my fears were strange because he was actually planning to marry me. We went looking for rings that weekend. Recently, we told our teenaged daughters this story. My 16 year old said, "mom, my god, you're so 'extra.'" This panic reaction was trauma related for me. I didn't know it at the time. My ptsd didn't hit til last year. But there are signs that maybe parts of it were always there. I lucked out that this man accepts me with all the "crazy." Certainly, helps keep our marriage intact when it is really all coming out.

I typically will write my fears down as they come up. So you can write "trust" in a bubble and then add bubbles around it with thoughts that pop up around it. Then do grounding. After that do the bubble map again. Sometimes the mind bridging helps bring on a different outlook.

 

[Keen]

My dad is really affecting my life! Every time he abuses me, it seems to overflow on to other relationships like with my partner, my mum, friends etc. When I dont talk to my dad, I'm fine but as soon as I talk to him again, I'm back to square one. But its hard to go no contact.

Going no contact is super difficult, but its what I had to ultimately choose to do for my own health and that of my future children. No one but you can determine what is best for you personally. If you feel you have to or want to stay in the relationship for now, try reading a book about dealing with toxic people and boundaries, for example "How to Hug a Porcupine" has really helped me with the difficult people I choose to keep in my life.

 

[FlyingHigh]

Do you know how he got your number?

Is your mom possibly giving it to him?

:hug:

Thanks for your kind words. I'm working on these trust issues. My parents are divorced and they dont talk at all. Perhaps one of my siblings gave him my number.
I'm happy to hear that you are recovering and healing and no longer feel as fearful anymore. It's very encouraging to hear this. It gives me hope.

 

[FlyingHigh]

Thanks for your kind words. I'm working on these trust issues. My parents are divorced and they dont...

Sorry, this was also a reply to @Rain
@EveHarrington perhaps one of my siblings gave my number to him. I'm not sure if I can trust them with my number again. So I will be careful who I give it to next time.

 

[EveHarrington]

Changing your number sucks (and costs $) but it may be a must do. I'm sorry you may not be able to trust your siblings.

 

[FlyingHigh]

Going no contact is super difficult, but its what I had to ultimately choose to do for my own health and...

Thank you for that. It is worth reading a book about that. It is definately hard to go no contact and you should be proud of yourself that you actually took that step. Well done.

 

[FlyingHigh]

When my boyfriend canceled coming to see me one night because he was tired, I panicked and drove 30 min...

Thank you for your story. Its good to know I'm not alone. Its amazing how we can ultimately think the worst about a situation and create scenarios in our own mind when in reality its nothing like we imagined. I'm so glad that things worked out for you in the end.

 

[FlyingHigh]

Thank you for all of your responses. Its great to hear your experiences and coping mechanisms. It helps a lot.