So, I have been working with my therapist on reclaiming my sexuality.
I was object raped at age 4 (and other acts I remember and don't remember)
by women and (possibly men) then assaulted (almost raped in college).
I have had varying degrees of issues effecting my sex life.
I used to always need to be buzzed/drunk.
Now I can't have alcohol due to sensitivities post drug withdrawal from klonopin.
But this is good/bad because I feel all of the shame. I also used to be really disassociated during sex and did not know it. This is less so now, but this is hard because I feel everything.
I have not had much sex since having a baby, but this has been changing since healing from all of the post partum craziness (I mean I literally did not sleep for years) and then klonopin withdrawal (which suuuucks) so Im feeling better and so wanting to have sex but then I am triggered.
I talked with my T about my triggers which is pretty much all of sex (penetration, in and out feeling, intimacy, having an orgasm) and even talking about sex is hard, it is hard to talk to my husband about my needs in the bed room, I feel like the earth is going to swallow me up.
It was hard to talk to my T. I shut down sexually after my abuse and have not had many partners in my life, like only a hand full and one of them assaulted me so I am kind of like a layer of prude on top of a layer of sexuality all mixed up with shame.
My T told me, "You have to make friends with your sexuality."
So, my question is, how have you reclaimed your sexuality? Have you?
What helps with this (in addition to being in therapy)?
I was object raped at age 4 (and other acts I remember and don't remember)
by women and (possibly men) then assaulted (almost raped in college).
I have had varying degrees of issues effecting my sex life.
I used to always need to be buzzed/drunk.
Now I can't have alcohol due to sensitivities post drug withdrawal from klonopin.
But this is good/bad because I feel all of the shame. I also used to be really disassociated during sex and did not know it. This is less so now, but this is hard because I feel everything.
I have not had much sex since having a baby, but this has been changing since healing from all of the post partum craziness (I mean I literally did not sleep for years) and then klonopin withdrawal (which suuuucks) so Im feeling better and so wanting to have sex but then I am triggered.
I talked with my T about my triggers which is pretty much all of sex (penetration, in and out feeling, intimacy, having an orgasm) and even talking about sex is hard, it is hard to talk to my husband about my needs in the bed room, I feel like the earth is going to swallow me up.
It was hard to talk to my T. I shut down sexually after my abuse and have not had many partners in my life, like only a hand full and one of them assaulted me so I am kind of like a layer of prude on top of a layer of sexuality all mixed up with shame.
My T told me, "You have to make friends with your sexuality."
So, my question is, how have you reclaimed your sexuality? Have you?
What helps with this (in addition to being in therapy)?